not coping with newborn. please help.

[vodkaredbull]

I feel like such a failure and a fraud.

DD born a week ago. Traumatic birth and I didn't bond well.

I'm really not coping so far and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm so sleep deprived. Right now sitting here crying because she won't settle. Had trouble bfing so she's ff but she's not hungry right now. She just wakes up and cries as soon as she gets near her crib.

Dh is so good with her but he's back at work tomorrow. I have a single bed in her room so I do all the night feeds and changes. Every night I just sit here and cry. I haven't slept in so long.

Everyone says she's so lovely. She sleeps all day as long as I'm holding her. When people visit I wish I could leave with them. What kind of person thinks that? I want to walk out the door so badly and I dread the night. I don't know what I'm going to do when dh goes to work in the morning.

I don't know if it's pnd or baby blues or I'm just a terrible person. I've spent every day crying since I came home with her. I just can't do it. I should be happy but I'm so miserable.

I could have written this two years ago.

The good news is that it does get better. I really found the co sleeping route a sanity saver (side along crib when small, then DS just crawled into our bed when bigger). We adapted an ikea cot, with custom cut foam to prevent gaps between the cot and bed. I breastfed and lost count of how many times I woke up halfway in DS'S cot. BUT IT WAS SLEEP!

You just need to keep herself and yourself alive. Nest on the sofa, doze in bed...whatever works. Sanity starts again around 6 weeks and a routine of sorts around 3 months. You will love her, but right now she is a feeding, crying, pooping ball of neediness. Wait for the smiles; it's worth it.

vodka I thought it would be you before opening the thread. I remember the early days like they were yesterday, f*cking hell on earth!! I too had a traumatic delivery and as soon as we got home I cried and cried - what had I done?! The early days were so dark, physically dark and imprinted on my mind forever. DS used to cry a lot (colic) and wasn't a sleeper and I used to hold him close, weeping, saying aloud "what do you want?" I needed to sleep so desperately but on the rare moments of opportunity I felt too anxious and if I did sleep, as soon as I woke I just wanted to run or curl up in a ball.

But as has been said it does get better. DD will sleep and you will get to know each other. Well meaning people would tell me that nobody knew my baby better than I. I didn't know him or even if I wanted him! I told my midwife immediately how I was feeling and she referred me to support. The HV even used to share similar stories with me of how she felt.

DS is nearly 7 now and DS2 is 3. I can't believe I went back for more but this shows just how much better it gets.

Oh and ignore the in-laws; everyone just wants to see their genes in a baby. How unhelpful, she'll be the mirror of you soon. Most people say DS1 looks just like DH but I only see me

How did today go vodka?

You probably have the baby blues hun. I remember my first 2 weeks bursting in tears out of nowhere and worry and be post off quite a lot. Talk to your midwife when she'll visit or I used to phone the hospital when my daughter was crying and didn't know what to do and they will give you advice. You cannphone them till baby is one month. Beinga mom takes some getting used to and a lot of learning.For bonding cuddle with your baby both naked. What helped me bond most was bed sharing but you have to be very careful. After she had a feed in the day pass the bubba to your husband in order to get some rest. You're not alone. Hang in there xx

I could have written that exact post a couple of years ago. I yearned for my former life and hated the first few weeks. It is the hardest thing you'll ever do. But please remember, as everyone says, it gets a lot easier.

I cried constantly for three weeks and felt so ,so alone. My husband worked long hours (still does) and like you, no family close by.

You'll honestly feel better soon, once you get more sleep you'll feel better about everything. You'll bond with your littlun, just takes time. Remember you don't know each other, your learning about each other.
I found it was like a fog that gradually lifted you can't explain it unless you've been through it.
You'll gradually get a routine and start enjoying it.
Come back to this thread in a a few weeks and you'll realise how different you feel. X

@vodkaredbull I know it’s a long shot as this thread started back in 2016, but I was just curious to know, 4 years on, how those first few weeks ended up going? I stumbled across your post today after googling “not coping with newborn” :( I have a 3 week old son and your post is EXACTLY how I am feeling. I guess I would just love to hear that things do get better, because I am struggling big time. I hope that everything fell into place for you Xx

I'm not Vodka, but I've been there, and I can assure you that it does get better. It really does.

Looking for advice mums! 😭

I’m a new mum with a 2 week old baby my partner has now gone back to work and works nights and I’m really struggling to cope been up with the baby doesn’t bother me to a degree it’s not having the support with me I feel so alone and feel stressed and down 90% of the time and just can’t bond with my baby I just keep thinking of life before at the same time I wouldn’t change it for the world I have family around me but don’t want to put anyone out and ask people to stay with me because I feel like a failure 😞 im find through the day it doesn’t bother me one but but as soon as my partner leaves for work at night I just break and cry most of the night until he’s home 😭 is this normal what can people suggest? 🤍

I think the anxiety around night, especially if you will be doing it alone, is normal. Do not be ashamed to ask for help - please ask for help. I found the easiest way of dealing with things was to try and have no/low expectations as to how the night would go. I would sit in my bed with my DD feeding and watch TV on the iPad. Every time she dozed off I would hold her/rock her for ten mins or so and then try and put her in her Moses basket. If she woke/cried I would start again. If I got too tired I would co sleep. You will find your way I promise things get easier xx

@whateverintheworld Thank you for your advice I’ve had family members stay with me some nights but the nights have gotten no better my little one ended up in hospital with bronchitis he’s home now but now battling through the long nights of struggling to breathe and having to feed little and often 😴 x

I’m so sorry you are still struggling. You are making progress even though it doesn’t feel like it and although it is slow. Sending you a hug lovely. It’s ok to not feel ok and to open up to those closest to you about it. Take the nights one at a time and put no pressure on yourself to do anything in the days, just muddle through them hugs to you

Poor you , I’ve been there... I had a horrendous birth we both nearly died - in hospital for a week , hallucinating once home from sleep deprivation but unhealthily determined to breastfeed. I had PTSD and PND, not diagnosed untill a couple of months after. Dont know if your FF or bf but if i could go back in time I would of gave up bf and gone to the docter for sleeping tablets to knock me out for the whole night (couldn’t sleep) and got my partner to have the baby for the whole night, I struggled with leaving my baby even with my partner from post natal anxiety I should of got meds and therapy sooner. You need sleep ASAP after what you have been through , your partner needs to help you! Please ask him , if not ask your mum or someone close to you to sleep over ? I had thoughts of leaving my baby too I thought he would be better without me and felt like I wanted to die. You are doing so well you just need sleep and support through the night. It won’t always be like these you will sleep again! I remember that sickly dread feeling for the nights ahead. Please ask for help before you spiral into PND. Xx