unhappiest baby ever....?

[jellybelly8]

hello all,

i'm new on here so apologies if this ends up in the wrong place.

i feel as if i have produced such an unhappy baby! she is 10 weeks old, born naturally (not even a sniff of pain relief- hardly had time!) and has been exclusively breast fed. Bf'ing hasn't been the easiest as she was tongue tied with a late diagnosis and snipped at just over 7 weeks.

i just cant work her out, she behaves like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. one minute she wants to be held, the next minute she seems to want to be put down. she gives hunger cues, has a couple of sucks then burst into tears, other times she gulps so much she coughs, sometimes she wont even latch and just screams coming near the breast so i have to try and her calm her and get her sleepy before she'll feed. she has never managed to settle herself, i have to work very hard to get her to sleep only for her to fart and wake herself up- more crying, start again! she is slightly better in the pram or car but screams if we have to stop to queue or at traffic lights. she has never slept in her mosses basket, will only sleep being held or next to me and it's a performance just to achieve that. i just cant imagine a baby that would be laid down in their bed and fall asleep- do they exist at this age...? she sleeps so lightly and is always jumping awake and she knows the minute she has been put down!

so we have tried....
dentinox, infacol, gripe water (wind much improved since tongue tie snip and trying to get these down her always made her cough and gulp in more air)
swaddling
sling (sometimes works, sometimes she wont tolerate it)
hot water bottle to warm moses basket
white noise, no noise, loads of noise
cranial osteopath- bit of tweaking but no major concern, no apparent improvements, she left the building screaming!
massage, skin to skin- doesn't really appear to enjoy either
dummy or expressed breast milk in bottle (she spits out/cries/gags or all three)
thumb she has sucked it a couple of times but generally looks really confused when we do it for her and she cannot find it alone.
left to cry (for all of about 5 mins out of desperation- she got super cross, made herself sick with the crying and started to cough on it. wont try this again

first baby so i dont know if i am doing something wrong, or if she is just having a hard time adjusting... any advice? success stories? similar experiences?

sorry to ramble but starting to feel quite desperate!!

Is she getting enough milk? With mine, it transpired she wasn't getting enough. Gave in and combined breast feeding with formula and we had no issues at all.

Sounds tough, poor you. I had two very fussy breastfed babies (2nd very bad). DC2 was diagnosed with silent reflux when the hv watched us trying to feed (much arching and screaming) and both turned out to have CMPI. They were miserable, impossible to put down, comfort sucked, cried at the beast like you describe. Have you talked to your hv/gp?

Has she been investigated for silent reflux and cow's milk protein allergy/intolerance? It sounds like she might be in pain associated with feeding.

Have you had a follow up with the TT?

No OP I gave birth to worlds unhappiest baby, when he wasn't crying he was whimpering. I cut out cows milk from my diet and it improved.

Has she got reflux?

I had one of these. He cried and vomited for the first 3 months of his life. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure he had an intolerance /allergy to cows milk. He was also permanently covered in a rash and refused to eat any proper food until he was 8 months. When he did, he refused anything with milk in it. He's OK with milk now though (aged 9).

I would try eliminating milk from your diet and see if it makes a difference.

Sounds like it maybe reflux. Does she arch her back during feeds? I'd google silent reflux and see how many of the symptoms she has. Also speak to your HV. I hope you can get this sorted.

This was my painful and pitiful experience of a reflux baby. Not silent so there was about twenty lots of sick to deal with each day. Also went to osteopath and guess what. He got vomited on!

It passes and I now have the best three year old in the world.

I was also wondering if she has been getting enough to eat - how is her weight gain going?

My first was diagnosed late with tongue tie too - at around 7 weeks. It was snipped but my milk supply never really recovered and I'm not sure she ever got the hang of sucking properly - we gave up breastfeeding at 12 weeks. Basically all of the emotional and a lot of the sleep problems we had been having went away over night (and she gained a kilo in 2 weeks).

I am not saying you need to switch to formula but if her weight gain is very low then it could just be that she's really hungry and the milk transfer hasn't picked up after her tongue was snipped.

You've tried a lot of things there, have you spoken to your health visitor or GP about it? She could be experiencing pain from something so it's worth getting her checked out.

It sounds like reflux or a cows milk protein allergy to me. Take her to the GP rather than HV as I find they listen better.

Reading your post brings it all back. Could have written word for word about my ds. He did turn out to have reflux, but I'm bit here to tell you that is what your little one has. I just want to say that 18 months later I have the funniest, loveliest, funniest little man and by some miracle we all survived the rough days. He has a very big personality and is hell on earth if he is not happy, but when the world goes his was he is sublime
I know it doesn't help minute to minute, and I remember the bone crushing exhaustion, but the smiles and giggles and comedy moments are coming and will make it all worth while xxx
(But also maybe look into reflux)

Excuse all of the typos

thank you so much for all the replies, i feel so lucky to have this little baby and i just want to make life more enjoyable for us all.

seems mainly 3 suggestions. reflux, intolerance or not getting enough to eat.

in terms of the reflux and intolerance- she used to be in pain with wind pre tongue tie division and would scream and arch her back for hours come evening but that has since improved. likewise she had three weeks of continuous green mucous explosive nappies but they have returned to normal after snip. i guessed she was getting tummy cramps from getting too much fore milk (only managing to feed for like 5 mins a time but 20+ times a day). her long spells of evening crying due to wind don't really occur so much any more so now there is no pattern to her grumpiness. i hoped that a few weeks post snip, i would have a happier baby but basically it feels like if she is not being held upright and walked around then she's crying!

in terms of not getting enough food, i am sure this was an issue when she was tongue tied but now she takes bigger feeds i hoped she could fill up. i feed as often as she want, offer both breasts, wind in between etc but once she has had enough she simply will not latch again. she is sick more now, especially when lying flat. weight gain is 2 ounces a week for the last three weeks. she will not take a bottle of expressed and becomes so distressed when we even wave a teat at her, not sure if formula would be different.

i think that i will book a dr's apt to discuss. i have very little faith in hv and she has not been particularly helpful.

i am banking on turning a magical corner at 12 weeks and she becomes a happy baby!! thanks again, really appreciate the replies.

12 weeks may be your turning point especially if its colic. Fingers crossed for you.

Hey, sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your little one. I've got a 16 week old and she was refluxy-collicky until c week 12/13 when it all miraculously got better. With my little girl I think she had silent reflux caused by a very new and slightly immature digestive system (v common in new babies). Friends said it would get easier around the 12 week mark and it has. We tried a lot if products and they didn't really help so time has been the best healer for us (hard when you're exhausted and they're howling...). Re settling I took to swaddling her when I put her down and it made a massive difference - before that she would wave her arms around and wake herself up endlessly. Def worth a try.

Also see the GP about silent reflux if you're worried.

Best of luck.

I would ask them to consider reflux medication and a referral to a consultant pediatrician to discuss intolerance / allergies.

I will see the GP about possible reflux I think, that will be my last attempt at trying to find a 'problem'. After that I will just accept that this is my baby and I'll do my best to comfort her. It is just so draining and I hate seeing her so anguished.

There is no TT follow up but the consultant assured me that it was fully cut with no scope for a further snip.

It's reassuring to hear all of you that can relate to this and have ended up with happy lil babies/toddlers! Thank you

Really don't give up and accept this is your baby - it took months to get the right diagnosis for my DS. He had reflux caused by allergies to egg, dairy, wheat and nuts. Its only when they prescribed ranitidine and moved him to neocate formula (He was breastfed to 13 months), that we saw a difference.

This was our experience - GP useless and didn't want to refer to consultant, A&E because of hive reaction where they treated and referred to allergy consultant, was diagnosed with severe allergies. Push for a consultant review - it is a nightmare dealing with these issues.

Sounds v similar to my little one. The first 16 weeks if he wasn't feeding or sleeping he was screaming and it was v hard work to get him to sleep. I did get some ranitidine for reflux but think it was more for me than him, to make me feel I was doing something.
I haven't got any advice except to tell you he got easier and since 6 months has been a total dream. I can just lie him down in the cot and leave and he falls asleep! When at one point we had to take him for an hours drive every night! Take each hour as it comes, it will pass eventually

I would urge you to speak to a breastfeeding specialist if possible. Reflux is hugely over diagnosed (not saying that it's not reflux, just that there is a bit of a reflux 'epidemic' at the moment, and GPs will often prescribe gaviscon/ranitidine without actually taking much of a look at the baby, simply because it's what parents want).

My first thought is re the tongue tie - rule of thumb I was taught as a peer supporter is that it can take as long for a baby to learn to feed 'properly' as they were feeding with the tie. Again, I'm not saying that your baby is going to be miserable for another 4 weeks, but if nobody has sat with you and watched your little one feed (some babies feed perfectly after a snip but lots really need to learn as if from fresh) there might be some latch problems that are preventing her from getting a really good feed.

OR she might just be unhappy and will turn a corner completely at 12 weeks. I have known quite a few like this and the transformation can be incredible.

Hi op,

My dc2 is 7mo now so we are a little further down the road than you. He was also desperately unhappy as a very little baby, tt snipped, poor latch etc. The latch caused me more problems than him - he was feeding ok and gaining weight well but I was in a lot of pain on one side particularly.

I cut out the vast majority of dairy from my diet - all cheese, yoghurt, cream etc. Minimal milk in cereal and a splash in tea twice a day. This did seem to make a difference so I then moved to having almond milk in tea and in cereal as well.

He is much happier now, I'm basically weaning him dairy free but he has had a little milk and butter in scrambled egg with no ill effects, and I have eaten some cheese this week (whoop!!) and so far so good.

Doesn't hurt to cut it out of your diet for a week and see if it helps? I've desperately missed cheese and yoghurt, but on the plus side, I fit into trousers again that I haven't worn since pre dc1!!

I would be willing to cut dairy out of my diet and see if this helps, I love cheese but not as much as a happy baby! I guess that this could be something I could do whilst waiting to see Gp.

I have had support from a lactation consultant, this was how I got the TT diagnosed and resolved (had to do the whole process privately). We definitely don't have the 'perfect' latch, she still clicks a lot and the sucking blister hasn't gone, but we're working on it. She seems to take bigger quantities now. I mostly only hold her whilst bf'ing in the 'learners' position that the consultant suggested.

Thank u all for the suggestions and the understanding

I agree with scruffiest I think a really good BF consultant would be your best bet (if funds allow)

They can check latch, work out if milk is transferring and also help recognise signs of reflux

A further possibility is that you have fast let down and/or oversupply (I had both and it caused a lot of choking/coughing and windiness for DD) - if this is the case then it should get better really really soon as your milk supply settles down around 12 weeks (and they learn to burp)

Best of luck

Another one here thinking maybe she has reflux or an intolerance to something your eating dairy wheat etc. Try cutting either or both out your diet to see if it makes a difference. My dn was similar when she was younger she was given ranitadine for reflux and was like a different child overnight