unhappiest baby ever....?

[jellybelly8]

hello all,

i'm new on here so apologies if this ends up in the wrong place.

i feel as if i have produced such an unhappy baby! she is 10 weeks old, born naturally (not even a sniff of pain relief- hardly had time!) and has been exclusively breast fed. Bf'ing hasn't been the easiest as she was tongue tied with a late diagnosis and snipped at just over 7 weeks.

i just cant work her out, she behaves like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. one minute she wants to be held, the next minute she seems to want to be put down. she gives hunger cues, has a couple of sucks then burst into tears, other times she gulps so much she coughs, sometimes she wont even latch and just screams coming near the breast so i have to try and her calm her and get her sleepy before she'll feed. she has never managed to settle herself, i have to work very hard to get her to sleep only for her to fart and wake herself up- more crying, start again! she is slightly better in the pram or car but screams if we have to stop to queue or at traffic lights. she has never slept in her mosses basket, will only sleep being held or next to me and it's a performance just to achieve that. i just cant imagine a baby that would be laid down in their bed and fall asleep- do they exist at this age...? she sleeps so lightly and is always jumping awake and she knows the minute she has been put down!

so we have tried....
dentinox, infacol, gripe water (wind much improved since tongue tie snip and trying to get these down her always made her cough and gulp in more air)
swaddling
sling (sometimes works, sometimes she wont tolerate it)
hot water bottle to warm moses basket
white noise, no noise, loads of noise
cranial osteopath- bit of tweaking but no major concern, no apparent improvements, she left the building screaming!
massage, skin to skin- doesn't really appear to enjoy either
dummy or expressed breast milk in bottle (she spits out/cries/gags or all three)
thumb she has sucked it a couple of times but generally looks really confused when we do it for her and she cannot find it alone.
left to cry (for all of about 5 mins out of desperation- she got super cross, made herself sick with the crying and started to cough on it. wont try this again

first baby so i dont know if i am doing something wrong, or if she is just having a hard time adjusting... any advice? success stories? similar experiences?

sorry to ramble but starting to feel quite desperate!!

I would be a bit cautious about restrictive diets until you've got a bit more to go on. Cutting out dairy or wheat is actually very hard (if you do it properly) and at this stage you need to be eating plenty. Do speak to your GP, HV or (ideally) a very good BF person about reflux first.

It also takes 3-6 weeks for dairy to leave your system - by which your LO might be a completely different baby.

That said if it helps you feel as if you are doing something, it is no bad thing.

I do know how hard it is and really empathise.

It sounds so much like reflux to me. DD was like this and my sister's baby much worse. If they have reflux they're in pain a lot of the time with acid coming back up their throat.

Dniece had ranitidine, gaviscon and domperidone prescribed. Also watch what you're eating in case she reacts to something in your diet. maybe keep a food diary? And definitely make an appt to see a HV/GP.

Your poor baby. And poor you!

Dniece had to be held upright to sleep a lot of the time, and the head of her cot was raised so she was never lying flat.

If it's colic, you have my sympathies. DD was horrific until 13-14 weeks, was (we think) colic, and every day was just HARD.
She's now 2, and a sweetheart until I turn off Bing.

just to update, i have been to see the dr who decided that it was my iron supplement giving baby tummy cramps and has suggested that i stop it. feel very disheartened by this response as i am still anaemic and exhausted plus it was the surgery that called me to advise taking the supplement which has such a minimal amount of iron in (even less than breastfeeding vits which i'm not currently taking). dr reiterated what everybody tells me, that babies cry and breastfeeding takes time but i just feel that something is not right (others also agree with this when they have witnessed her crying), she does not choose to get so distressed. anybody else had issues with iron sups?

from your suggestions and dr.google i feel that it could be reflux. sometimes she is asleep and will the gasp for air, cough and then the screaming starts. i always thought that she had issues swallowing saliva and it would trickle down the wrong hole. or she does a big gulp in her sleep and the screams and consequently wakes up. dr felt it wasn't pyloric stenosis (i agree) but didnt even mention reflux- is this a controversial one that some professionals do not believe in?

anyway, i am still convinced that we are constantly trying to settle a baby that is still hungry or in pain or both. each day is getting harder and her screaming seems to be happening for longer and more frequently, everything is becoming such a battle. dr will refer to consultant when she has dropped two centiles which will likely be the case at next weeks weigh in if she follows current pattern (born on 50th, heading for 9th).

thanks again for your replies, i feel like this baby will destroy me through no fault of her own... and she will definitely remain and only child!! still good to know that others understand

DS was very much as you describe as a baby. It was such hard work and quite desperate at times.

He had silent reflux. Fortunately the first thing I eliminated from my diet (caffeine) all but cured that part of his distress. I always pass this on just in case it works for someone else. If I had even one cup of a caffeinated drink a few hours later he behaved as if tortured, it was horrible.

But he also has sensory issues which attributed to much of his behaviour. A very good book which may help if there is sensory stuff at play is Angie Voss understands your child's sensory signals. She has a baby version out now. May not have anything relevant in but I wish I'd had it to try and figure out some of his behaviour as a baby. Might be worth a look

It's so tough, I really feel for you - my elder son was a terribly difficult baby that pushed me to my absolute limit (and occasionally beyond - without my DH I wouldn't have coped) so I can appreciate a bit about how you feel. We had problems establishing BF, I had antibiotics that gave him a poorly tummy, much screaming that I couldn't comfort (only my DH could settle him a lot of the time).

Is it possible she's starting to teethe? It's early, but possible I guess; that could be adding to things, especially when she's lying down or feeding as I think that can make teething discomfort worse due to the change in blood pressure when either lying or sucking, or so I read. I also often wonder if babies get growing pains; I had terrible growing pains in my joints as a child that I can still remember and sometimes I wonder if babies get this too.

Sorry I can't really offer any advice, just wanted to let you know there's someone else who can empathise. It does pass. Saying that doesn't help of course, but it's true. And some days I really had to cling to that saying.

To be honest, with my son, the only explanation I ever came up with was that he just didn't like being a baby; once he could sit and move he became much calmer; hasn't stopped moving since and at 3.7 is a hurricane!

If it helps, we had DS2 on the basis that 'it can't be any worse' - and it wasn't; he's the calmest, happiest, most mischievious boy who is the absolute opposite of his brother in every way and will be two next month. You couldn't get two more different boys, or as one woman said to my DH 'aw, they're so different, you'd never guess they were sisters' . Why, oh why, does everyone think my boys are girls...?! That's a whole other thread....

Can you make an appt with a different doctor? Yours doesn't sound v helpful.

What you describe sounds just like dniece - gulping when acid comes back up, falling asleep then waking 20 mins later crying... Google silent reflux and see if you can find any tips inline, but i would try her holding her upright for 20 mins after a feed and see if that helps. Try gaviscon too. See a hv?

Sorry to hear what you're going through OP. One suggestion I had is that I use a baby sleeping bag for my 3 month old and he sleeps much better in the Moses basket.

If it is reflux could you try propping the moses basket at one end so she isn't lying flat?

Also without meaning to be the bearer of bad news but my first was very like this, nothing wrong with her it was just personality which I grew to understand as she got older. Had to co sleep to get any rest, didn't nap without movement and now know all the country lane routes near my house as they don't have traffic lights). if you dont have other children just dont try and get other things done, eat chocolate and know that this shall pass.

You taking an iron supplement is NOT going to give your bfing baby indigestion. Your dd sounds just like mine. She screamed and fussed for the first 3-6 months. I truly thought that if she had been my first, I would have never had a second. She was diagnosed with hidden reflux (by a paediatrician in the USA as my UK Gp gave me the same useless advice yours is giving. The US Paed prescribed Enfamil AR which is a special stay down formula (one bottle a day on top of the otherwise exclusive bfing) and it really helped. We put her on her belly a lot which helped with the digestion and we put her to sleep on her belly which was the only way we could get her to sleep. Once she started solids at 6 months things got a little better. And once she started talking (full sentences by 12 months) she could tell us what she wanted/needed and there was less crying/fussing. She is now 13 years old and a super easy sweet helpful teenager....so there is hope.

Can you see a different gp? Trust your instinct that something isn't right with your DD - your instinct is rarely wrong.

My DS1 was like this, eventually got better but he is still a tricky three year old!
DS2 (now 6 months) appeared to be heading the same way so I took him to a recommended cranial osteopath - he is now a super relaxed baby. May be worth a go.

Mine was like this. I had had two before, and always held or cuddled or fed and it usually worked - but this one was never happy. He couldn't be laid in a pram, couldn't be laid down to sleep at all, ever - he would always, always wake up crying

I kept asking the HV what was wrong with him but no one knew - they just said 'babies cry'. It wasn't just that. Eventually one HV said 'he probably had a headache' - I did have quite a fast labour but not sure why she said that.

Anyway he got calmer and happier over time, but still wakes crying a lot, and also seems to have nightmares - he's a cross three year old, quite violent, quite demanding - but he can be fantastic too.

It was just so hard that my usual 'go to' answers for a crying baby didn't work.
So I sympathise hugely. I wished I'd tried Cranial Osteopathy, but reading your post I'm not sure it would have worked for ds either!

Sounds very much like my DS who had/has reflux. I really had to push for a diagnosis/treatment even then I didn't get it until he was 5 months old.

GP prescribed him Gaviscon sachets with his feed. I was a bit dubious at first as I read that lots of people had no improvement but it worked for us and he is like a different baby. Much, much more happier.

I hope you get things sorted soon OP as I know how difficult it is with an unhappy an unsettled baby

Thanks again for the replies!

I have tried a new GP resulting in a pead referral, so waiting to see what they think. Fingers crossed we may find some sort of answer.

I do already have the head of her basket raised but little tinker still won't sleep in it! She will sometimes sleep in the car but sometimes she cries when put in the car seat and is still completely hysterical 40 minutes later when we arrive at our destination...

Will carry on muddling along in the meantime...

I had one of these babies and accepted the first 'no' about reflux. In hindsight, I should have followed this up more, so well done to you.

My DS was a transformed sleeping baby when he was on his tummy, he was just so much more comfortable.

Hope you get to the bottom of it OP, it was the hardest time of my life and I was so pleased to get back to work. You aren't doing anything wrong - I beat myself up a lot for that.

Sleeping on tummy massively helped my DS too!

Sounds exactly like my silent reflux baby. He was such a sad baby. We tried everything. The day he started Zantac our lives changed. To the doctor with thee.

I've not read all the responses, but having read your post, I honestly thought you were describing my baby.

He was a horrendous newborn- four momths of crying day and night and a real struggle to breastfeed. He was eventually diagnosed with silent reflux and medication really made a difference.

Another thing to have a think about is do you have oversupply or an overactive letdown? I had both and my baby really struggled to keep up with the milk which was literally spraying him in the face. Different feeding positions and a breastfeeding counsellor can help you with this.

My son is now 9 months and with every stage of development he got happier. He is still high needs but mostly so so lovely. Things really improved for me around 5/6 months and breastfeeding is a doddle now.

One final thing, try to get some help even if it's just so you can have a shower or a lie in and be kind to yourself. It's exhausting both mentally and physically having a baby like this. I ended up with PND and anxiety. Things will improve.

Oh you poor thing - I can so relate to how you're feeling and I too think it sounds like reflux having had two reflux babies. What you said about her gasping for air and coughing then crying when lying down - my DD did that. It was the acid coming back up and burning her little throat thus making her gasp and cough. Rest assured reflux won't harm her and the right meds will change her and your lives!! My DD only needed infant Gaviscon but DS needed Ranitidine and it helped them immediately. Good luck. X