I'm NOT a Gina Mum, but for those of you who are ......

[susanmt]

Our new HV is HEAVILY into this. It reminded me of fp's posts about her friends coming to stay.
The thing which mums were really questioning at the playgroup today was that children should not be read bedtime stories as it is a 'prop' to help them go to sleep, there should be no singing or rocking or cuddling or stories once you go into the bedroom, just in the cot and 'night night'.
I read the book when my daughter was small then got rid of it, and was given a copy by a friend when my son was born, but managed to dispose of that one too as I don't like the advice/tone of it.
So two questions (I promised the other mums I would do some research and get back to them!!)

1. I this right about bedtimes? Surealy bedtime routines are a good thing?
2. Surely a HV should not be pushing one way of doing things so heavily - I think it is unprofessional and am wondering about complaining. Does anyone agree?

Off to read myself a bedtime story now .....

Yes - well done susanmt. Tiy have been very brave!

fabulous stuff, susanmt. I had a bit of a 'run in' with my hv...blubbed in the babyclinic when dd just a few weeks old because I was shoved to the back of a v large queue - spent 2 hours waiting to see gp, mainly for reassurance because hv had been so dismissive about my brand-new-mum concerns. anyway second hv (just a student, but twice the woman!) saw me crying, made appointment to see me the following day at home and spent an hour and a half chatting about how things were going. She'd been concerned that I was suffering from post natal depression and wanted to catch it in the bud. really it was a lack of compassion (hv put incorrect statements in dd's red book because she never actually listened to what i was saying) which left me feeling short changed and i wish I'd made more of a fuss with the actual practice. second hv said the other woman's main concern was families who were on the 'at risk' register who sometimes came to the clinic & their need was obviously greater than mine. still felt miffed though as hormones were sky-high and confidence v low.
after your stand hopefully mums will get a better deal

Good for you Susanmt.

I dont find my hv very helpful, she has this thing about not listening to you. When no2 is born I will be much more positive and may well end up doing the same as you.

Well done Susanmt! If more people complained the service would always be better!

Well done Susanmt. It sounds like there is a lot to complain about in this woman's conduct but I still think you were very courageous to take up the cudgels on behalf of other mums. Wot, no Three in a Bed? Absolutely disgraceful.

That's excellent Susanmt, do let us know how things progress from here! There should be more like you who are willing to make a stand for what they believe in, for the benefit of all! This one-sided subjective attitude from a HV is just not on. Well done!

Great stuff, susanmt.....I think health visitors who give a poor service should be answerable for their actions. And, to be fair, given the chance to defend themselves when people complain about them. I think it would be far better if mothers were brave and challenging, and made more formal complaints, instead of just muttering or not actually saying anything which is what most of us do

I am no longer in direct touch with HVs but I have heard the most dreadful rubbish from them in the past, and I never actually disputed any of it. Coward.

Well done. I must say I did challenge my HV in the past therefore just got avoided at future visits. Did not get advice re- feeding at checkups because they knew better than hassle me about breastfeeding!!

What I was referring to about breastfeeding by the way is the constant - have you not started solids yet, baby weighs 14lbs, - are you giving juice between feeds? - are you sure she is getting enough? - don't feed in bed at night - haven't gained much weight this week

• if you wait too long to start solids they won't recognise the spoon etc. etc.

I had answers for them all and said how disappointing it is you never get congratulated for actually still breastfeeding at each visit.

I had my breastfeeding bible - Breast is Best by Andrew and Penny Stanway and would reassure myself reading it after any clash with HV.

Not on b/feeding, but I remember being told by a HV that I should go easy on giving ds fresh mango "because it's high in fat." Is it hell! Wish I'd corrected her at the time but was nervous new mum and wanted to check my facts at home first. Anyway, well done susanmt, good for you.

My HV, normally quite nice, helpful and not too judgemental, told me not to add cows milk to DS' food when he was six months as it contained too much salt for his poor wee kidneys. Nonsence of course!

I think all of you 'complainers' are very brave. I too have been told the most ridiculous s**t by doctors, HVs, relatives, friends and busy-bodies and tend to just nod and make non-commital noises, then do exactly as I like! The way I have lived most of my life so far actually

Just thought I'd let you know I got a letter today saying can I come to the surgery next Wed for a meeting with the HV, Practice manager and one of the GP's.
Now I'm beginning to wonder why I started this process in the first place!!!

good luck Susan, and tell us how you get on

COuld I ask for some advice. One of the things they suggested at the last meeting was that I could suggest books for the new patient library they are supposed to be building up. I have their list but wondered if you had any suggestions! So I can take them with me next Wed.

Here are a few :
Deborah Jackson : "Three in bed" and "Do not disturb - the benefits of relaxed parenting for you and your child"
Christopher Green : "Babies" and "Toddler Taming"
Tracey Hogg : "The baby whisperer" (not read it personally)
Suzannah Olivier : "What should I feed my baby ?"
Gabrielle Palmer : "The politics of breastfeeding"
Penelope Leach : "Your baby and child"
Sheila Kitzinger : "The year after childbirth"
Steve Biddulph : "Raising boys"
Penny and Andrew Stanway : "Breast is Best"

All of Pupuce's suggestions, plus Jan Parker & Jan Stimpson, "Raising Happy Children!.

Also Steve Biddulph "The Secret of happy children".

Christopher Green has also done Beyond Toddlerdom which is the next stage after Toddler Taming.

What to Expect: the Toddler Years by Arlene Eisenberg (there is also What to Expect in the First Year which I would have read had I known about it then)

a real lifesaver book - the NCT book of sleep. It has good advice for parents of older babies and (the bit I enjoyed most) lots and lots of quotes from other mothers, some good some bad, all presented in a non-judgemental fashion. Really made me relax about motherhood generally.

Well I forgot the Richard Ferber book.... on sleep - don't know the title but it's often refer to on this website as a good book for sleep training.

Gina Ford 'The Contented LIttle Baby Book'

LOL Enid!

Ack! Not the Baby Whisperer...it's horribly badly written and contains a load of non-evidence-based rubbish......it divides babies into 5 different types and its breastfeeding information is just plain wrong.