Domestic violence and Socail Services

[starplough]

Hi,

Basically looking for some help or advice here.

Recently on boxing day me and my partner were at a family dinner and drinks.

After returning home an drunken argument started and the police were called, my partners sister was also in the house who took our 10 week son into another room whilst the police were in.

I was charged with a breach of the peace and domestic violence, after appearing at court I was realised on bail as long as I didn't contact or step foot in the property pending a court date further down the line, we have been advised that it will likely be thrown out of court.

Me and my partner are due to get married later on this year and this was the first time I had ever been given the jail for anything.

Since I cannot make contact with my partner her mother has advised me that social services are now going to get involved over something so daft.

My partner has already stated she did not want to press charges but was told the bail conditions need to stand, from anyone's experience or knowledge can you advise what is likely to happen regarding getting back with my partner and what would happen with our baby.

Any help would be greatly appreciated as you can imagine this is a very stressful time and do not know what to expect.

[sharklasers]

(I think he's minimising what happened)

[LikeADivil]

Understatement of the year ('tis only the first of Jan, so don't applaud yerself just yet haha)

[VikingLady]

Op, why are you posting in parenting?

[rumbleinthrjungle]

Drunkenness, screaming and swearing, police on the premises and arrest in front of your child. Your child may not have been in the same room but will have picked up on all sorts during this mess.

Social services will certainly be concerned about the welfare of your child already. They will be still more concerned if you think that is just 'daft'. The effects of hearing key carers violently screaming at each other has a big effect on a baby, stress has a huge effect on a baby's development. I see many kids who witnessed this sort of thing from the adults they trusted to be safe and keep them safe and the effects are still hugely affecting them years after these abusive experiences ended. Most of their parents would pass off the events those kids found terrifying and made them feel chronically unsafe as 'daft' too.

You need to get your drinking under control and start handling conflict like an adult while putting the needs of your child above your want to have a drink and have a row. You will need to co operate fully and wholeheartedly with the child protection process you have now triggered. That is the only way to get the process closed down.

[AnyFucker]

why are you all engaging with a self confessed domestic abuser ?

[Thingsthatmakeugoummmm]

It's a forum AnyFucker

[coffeeisnectar]

So if courts didn't open til Tuesday and he was arrested on boxing day that's three nights in a cell, not one. Wonder why the op only said one night?

See he hasn't been back. Didn't get the answers he wanted I guess, in other words reassurances that it was an over reaction being arrested and he's a lovely man who just can't help being an arsehole when drunk.

[AnonymousAdopter]

From my limited experience as an adopter, I think it is unlikely that there will be any SS action as a basis of one isolated incident. (Based on the fact that my eldest was witness to this for 6 years before taken into care). They may come and visit you to be reassured by you both and you will now be on their radar. You don't need to worry at this point about your baby being taken into care or anything.

But

You and your partner need to get your act together and not drink so much that you get into the level of arguing shouting and swearing that warrants anyone calling the police on you. It is extremely damaging for children to be brought up in that kind of atmosphere.

[TheFullMinty]

Urgh. Stop minimising, this isn't daft behaviour. It is abuse. Which you perpetrated against your partner, a new mum, in the same house as your newborn baby. There are many words for men who behave like you. Daft isn't one of them. Take responsibility for your actions and stop colluding with family to pressure this woman into minimising and accepting your abuse. Take a step back and look at yourself. Are you the type of person you'd want your baby to grow up to be?

[BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep]

stop drinking.

did you hit/slap/punch/kick/push/restrain her?

did you block her exit or tower over her or throw things about or break her stuff or punch the wall etc?

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Stop minimizing and take it seriously.

But I don't think it's in anyone's interests to give you tips beyond this.