Domestic violence and Socail Services

[starplough]

Hi,

Basically looking for some help or advice here.

Recently on boxing day me and my partner were at a family dinner and drinks.

After returning home an drunken argument started and the police were called, my partners sister was also in the house who took our 10 week son into another room whilst the police were in.

I was charged with a breach of the peace and domestic violence, after appearing at court I was realised on bail as long as I didn't contact or step foot in the property pending a court date further down the line, we have been advised that it will likely be thrown out of court.

Me and my partner are due to get married later on this year and this was the first time I had ever been given the jail for anything.

Since I cannot make contact with my partner her mother has advised me that social services are now going to get involved over something so daft.

My partner has already stated she did not want to press charges but was told the bail conditions need to stand, from anyone's experience or knowledge can you advise what is likely to happen regarding getting back with my partner and what would happen with our baby.

Any help would be greatly appreciated as you can imagine this is a very stressful time and do not know what to expect.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Stop minimizing and take it seriously.

But I don't think it's in anyone's interests to give you tips beyond this.

[BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep]

stop drinking.

did you hit/slap/punch/kick/push/restrain her?

did you block her exit or tower over her or throw things about or break her stuff or punch the wall etc?

[TheFullMinty]

Urgh. Stop minimising, this isn't daft behaviour. It is abuse. Which you perpetrated against your partner, a new mum, in the same house as your newborn baby. There are many words for men who behave like you. Daft isn't one of them. Take responsibility for your actions and stop colluding with family to pressure this woman into minimising and accepting your abuse. Take a step back and look at yourself. Are you the type of person you'd want your baby to grow up to be?

[AnonymousAdopter]

From my limited experience as an adopter, I think it is unlikely that there will be any SS action as a basis of one isolated incident. (Based on the fact that my eldest was witness to this for 6 years before taken into care). They may come and visit you to be reassured by you both and you will now be on their radar. You don't need to worry at this point about your baby being taken into care or anything.

But

You and your partner need to get your act together and not drink so much that you get into the level of arguing shouting and swearing that warrants anyone calling the police on you. It is extremely damaging for children to be brought up in that kind of atmosphere.

[coffeeisnectar]

So if courts didn't open til Tuesday and he was arrested on boxing day that's three nights in a cell, not one. Wonder why the op only said one night?

See he hasn't been back. Didn't get the answers he wanted I guess, in other words reassurances that it was an over reaction being arrested and he's a lovely man who just can't help being an arsehole when drunk.

[Thingsthatmakeugoummmm]

It's a forum AnyFucker

[AnyFucker]

why are you all engaging with a self confessed domestic abuser ?

[rumbleinthrjungle]

Drunkenness, screaming and swearing, police on the premises and arrest in front of your child. Your child may not have been in the same room but will have picked up on all sorts during this mess.

Social services will certainly be concerned about the welfare of your child already. They will be still more concerned if you think that is just 'daft'. The effects of hearing key carers violently screaming at each other has a big effect on a baby, stress has a huge effect on a baby's development. I see many kids who witnessed this sort of thing from the adults they trusted to be safe and keep them safe and the effects are still hugely affecting them years after these abusive experiences ended. Most of their parents would pass off the events those kids found terrifying and made them feel chronically unsafe as 'daft' too.

You need to get your drinking under control and start handling conflict like an adult while putting the needs of your child above your want to have a drink and have a row. You will need to co operate fully and wholeheartedly with the child protection process you have now triggered. That is the only way to get the process closed down.

[VikingLady]

Op, why are you posting in parenting?

[LikeADivil]

Understatement of the year ('tis only the first of Jan, so don't applaud yerself just yet haha)

[sharklasers]

(I think he's minimising what happened)

[sharklasers]

LIkeaDivil I agree it must have been some fierce row.

[LikeADivil]

It wasn't just to the point of police being called though shark.

It was to the point of police arresting him, detaining him, bringing him to court, bail conditions being set and a date for a hearing being set.

Must have been some argument. *sigh

[LikeADivil]

Safe to assume OP is not a lovely man.

[sharklasers]

BastardGoDarkly I am loaded with the cold and possibly not thinking clearly I just thought I was missing something that the OP had said.

Either way, he's been an utter prat and needs to do what the court has said with the bail, and work on his issues because shouting and yelling in front of a teeny baby to the point where someone else called the police is not good. Least of all for the baby.

[Groovee]

The jail is an east of Scotland term too. Boxing Day was a Saturday and court was closed til Tuesday as a bank holiday.

But you have to follow the bail conditions and seek proper legal advice. It's highly likely SS will visit both of you to ensure your child is not in danger.

[BastardGoDarkly]

Oh sorry shark I didn't mean to come across like that.

It was obvious to me with the ops turn out phrase, I've got lots of Scottish friends.

Apologies.

[sharklasers]

But Boxing Day is a Bank Holiday in Scotland :S

[LikeADivil]

England has brought in new domestic abuse charges haven't they?

[sharklasers]

AgentProvocateur and LexiGrey thank you for explaining and BastardGoDarkly my apologies for being thick.

[coffeeisnectar]

Boxing day is not a bank holiday in Scotland but 2nd Jan is. So yes, regional differences in holidays.

Use of "the jail" is an indicator the op is from the Glasgow area. I may be wrong but that's why I assumed.

[sharklasers]

All he says is Boxing Day (I'm not getting where it's Scotland I'm really sorry!)

[AgentProvocateur]

I'm presuming Scotland too, as breach of the peace is a criminal offence here. The violence reduction unit (if you're in the Strathclyde area) do great work by cracking down at the first sign, as all evidence points to situations rarely being a one-off, but escalating. You are likely to be convicted, and whether or not you will be able to live in the same house as your child will be down to a SS assessment. You are doing yourself no favours by minimising the situation.