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Original poster

Told DS masturbation isn't normal

102 replies

AtSea1979 · 17/12/2015 17:47

It's up there with the worst things you can say isn't it Sad
DS is 10, my XH had 'the talk' with him against my wishes as I thought he was still too young. Since then DS has changed, takes ages to get dressed, have a shower etc.
Two weeks ago I caught him playing with himself, I sneaked back out unseen but today I lost my patience and snapped. I burst in to his room and said "for goodness sake DS just get dressed and stop playing with yourself, it's not normal, you are 10 years old, go play with a football not your willy".
I told him I was sorry and tired but haven't broached the subject. Felt awful all day about it but I'm just really not prepared at all for how much it has thrown me and how unsettled I feel when he's taking too long in the bathroom.
Tell me I'm not the only one to find this difficult and how should I handle it better when I need to get out the door.

OP posts:
ReallyTired · 23/12/2015 00:06

Were you present when your ex had the talk? How do you know what was discussed?

"XH has very different views to parenting than me. DS has come home upset because the tooth fairy didn't visit and Santa etc. XH tells DS that I lie to him, that Santa and the tooth fairy don't exist and that he (XH) is the only adult he can trust to tell him the truth etc. So over the years we have fallen out about XH taking away DS childhood years so I guess in some ways this 'talk' just felt like another one of those moments where he was forcing DS to grow up quicker than needs be."

I think that by ten years old a child needs to understand that the tooth fairy and Santa are make believe. Otherwise an Sen child could be very badly teased. It's bullshit to say that your ex has taken your son's childhood years. The fact is that his childhood is coming to an end and soon he will be a teen. He is no longer a little boy. No one is forcing your son to grow up quick than he needs to other than Grandfather Time who ages all of us.

I get the impression that the op ex is level headed.

Pantone363 · 23/12/2015 00:12

So. Many. Issues.

You are way over involved with what your DS is doing sexually. Seriously, bursting in his room and shouting at him when you thought he was masturbating?

Thats got to be worth at least 5 years in therapy

And fuck off did he still believe in the tooth fairy at 10 years old!

Pantone363 · 23/12/2015 00:14

ReallyTired, YES! Agree. Think OP doesn't want her DS to grow up at all and is clinging to his childhood as long as possible.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds Families General parenting
Notrevealingmyidentity · 23/12/2015 00:33

I still believed in the tooth fairy and Santa at 10. 100%. Not much older than that though.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 23/12/2015 00:36

I did not say he was 10 when he told him about the tooth fairy and Santa. Just that he had told him in the past and other such things.
Yes conversation was one sided. It usually is with XH. He never listens to DS just rants at him which is why I prefer him to say nothing at all.

OP posts:
grumpysquash2 · 23/12/2015 01:13

*"Maybe it's just me, but I don't think having a baby is remotely like having a big poo."

It was for me. One of the midwives described it like that as well.*

Seeing as a baby comes out of your vagina and not your arsehole, I am surprised that the midwife thought that having a baby was like having a big poo.

Aside from the other obvious differences.

grumpysquash2 · 23/12/2015 01:25

OP, this thread is interesting for lots of reasons, but my question is this:

when you say your DS masturbates, do you mean just fiddling around, or do you mean he has a proper erection and ejaculates?

A lot of people say its 'normal' to masturbate at 10, (and I don't mean to imply that it's abnormal) but I just would have thought that most 10 year olds wouldn't be capable of it yet. I have 2 DSs (14 and nearly 10). The older one went through puberty at about 12-13. The younger one heading for earlier I think, but no obvious signs yet.

Has your 10 year old already reached puberty?

BipBippadotta · 23/12/2015 09:22

Grumpy Most boys have a determined fiddle until they are able to ejaculate. My DH has told me fondly about his singleminded efforts over the course of about 6 months when he was 10-11 until he could make it happen.

Puberty starts at very different points for everyone, & is a process rather than an event. A friend of mine with 3 boys said they started smelling a bit different & boylike (/goatlike) at around 9/10, though full-blown puberty (body hair, voice changes, etc) was still a few years off.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/12/2015 09:34

As a midwife ive seen pregnant 12yos.

I don't think there's any sex education IN the world which isn't age appropriate.

Finola1step · 23/12/2015 10:04

Blimey Simon. Your first sentence certainly gives a jolt to the senses. FWIW, I agree with you.

BastardGoDarkly · 23/12/2015 10:15

Who's Simon?

We3KingyOfOblomovAre · 23/12/2015 10:20

Goodness. What a strange thread, on so many different levels.

CallieTorres · 23/12/2015 10:23

I cannot agree more with you Simon, we MUST educate our children, and stop early pgs, they deserve this.

PrimeDirective · 23/12/2015 10:24

He never listens to DS just rants at him which is why I prefer him to say nothing at all
Oh, so your ex ranted at your DS about masturbation, and your DS was so enthralled by it he's been masturbating regularly ever since.

Just as a side note, when someone asked me to describe giving birth, I said that it was like the worst constipation ever. That's how it felt to me.

Finola1step · 23/12/2015 10:44

BastardGoDarkly, Simon is the midwife poster at 09:34 full nn WhoTheFuckIsSimon. I'm just too lazy to always type out full nicknames. Grin

BastardGoDarkly · 23/12/2015 16:57

Ah, thank you finola my question should have been... Who the fuck is Simon!

EvaBING · 23/12/2015 18:17

I'm going to be shot for this (Catholic), but I find wanking kind of annoying! My DP does it from time to time and I just think 'what's the fucking point?'
Are their balls going to turn blue for not doing it? DP seems to think it's his God given right to wake me up pulling at himself.

I can't imagine having a 10 year old boy and saying 'Oops - excuse me - carry on there'.

I do find it a little bit fucking self-indulgent!

If sexual behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, surely it's ok to express that? My dp 'GOING AT HIMSELF' with his hand, pisses me off"

Btw - thankfully I am a mother to a daughter.

EvaBING · 23/12/2015 18:19

Ok, reading back - are we talking about wanking or sex or how the hell has pregnancy come into this?

mysteryknickers · 23/12/2015 18:34

OP I really want to hear more about the crude misogynist video.
I have to teach this stuff, so am interested in this part.

BastardGoDarkly · 23/12/2015 19:14

Eva your husband waking you up masturbating could be annoying. But it's not the same as a ten year old masturbating is it? There's nothing inconsiderate or wrong about that, nothing. (Unless it's making you late, then that in itself could be annoying) oh, you know your daughter will masturbate too right? It's not just a male thing Hmm and yes, you should absolutely respect her privacy when the time comes.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/12/2015 19:16

eva, I know you said you're a Catholic, but you do know women and girls masturbate, don't you?

And you're right - it is self-indulgent, which is why it's so enjoyable Grin

Lightbulbon · 23/12/2015 19:19

Poor Eva's dd. I hope she gets decent sex ed.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/12/2015 19:24

Not if she goes to a Catholic school, lightbulb.

DD's friend was still being taught abstinence-only lessons in Yr12 of her Catholic secondary.

By which time pretty much the whole class was sexually active, of course.

PrimeDirective · 23/12/2015 22:33

Eva tell your DP to be more considerate and not wake you up when he masturbates.
Everyone has the right to masturbate in private if they want to.
Self-indulgent? What's wrong with that? So is sex most of the time, so is chocolate, so is wine, so are millions of other things. They are also pleasurable and pleasure is good for you.
And as a girl, I used to masturbate a lot, don't assume your DD won't.

moopymoodle · 23/12/2015 22:54

This thread is shocking. What is so wrong with a child exploring themselves? My boys are a bit younger but they do touch and have a look, I tell them if they want to look etc at their private parts that is fine. But to do it in private.

OP you sound a bit controlling and you will give the poor boy a complex.