would you be comfortable with husband taking baby and toddler abroad for weekend

[bebo100]

Hi

I'm supposed to be going on a spa weekend in spring for 1 or 2 nights for my 40th birthday. We'd deliberately said UK as I wanted to be close to our then 8 month old and 3 year old.
Husband had now announced he's thinking of taking the children to Spain (where their grandparents live for the weekend). I feel really uncomfortable with this. Am I being unreasonable? Husband flounced when I said I wasn't happy.

I'd be wholly comfortable with this. A whole weekend off from the kids! With the best person they could be with, their parent.

I assume there is some back story that makes you not trust him?

I would happily let my dh take the kids abroad. They're his children too and he's perfectly able to look after them.

Of course, he is their parent and I trust him to take care of his own kids.

I would feel a bit jealous of the weekend in Spain though and probably I'd want to go too.

DH took DD to the US for ten days to see his parents when she was 3. Of course I missed her, but I wasn't uncomfortable with it.

Has your husband given you any reason to be uncomfortable about this? If not then I can understand why he flounced, you're basically saying you don't trust him with his own children.

Of course. He's their dad. And he"s taking them to grandparents (his parents?).

Can you explain what you are uncomfortable with?

Yes, I would be happy with this.

And I think I'd flounce if my spouse told me that I wasn't capable of taking care of my DC for a weekend.

OP how would you feel if your OH said you're not taking his kids on holiday without him?
You'd accuse him of being unfair an controlling and yadda yadda.

Unless there's more to this?

I think it is natural to feel a bit nervous at the idea of your children being so far away. But that is something you need to work out how to deal with.

There is no reason why the children's other parent shouldn't be able to look after them just as well in Spain as they can at home.

I took my DC abroad to visit my parents, without DH, when they were a similar age. I would not have been impressed if DH had suggested I shouldn't take them for some nebulous reason.

Id be totally happy with this. My only worry would be the irrational "what if a disaster happens and im not there with my babies in our final moments" but that is in the back of my mind every time we are apart.

Am sure they will all have a smashong time!

I guess it's more the 8 month old, he's 5 months at the moment and still BF. So wasn't particularly planning on stopping completely quite yet.

He says a weekend but realistically where the grandparents live is 7 hours door to door, so whilst I'll be away overnight, maybe 2 nights, his weekend is realistically going to need to be a minimum of 3 nights / 4 days.

I guess if that happens I'll just miss the kids and it feels like what was supposed to be a Birthday treat for me isn't (selfish maybe).

Yes, I do trust him with the kids. I just know he always gets really stressed at airports and have visions of him shouting at the nearly 3 year old. But when they're there would he'd have fun.

Why don't you suggest going to Spain together on another weekend, he could even go ahead with the children and you could follow a day later? You need to make clear to him that the problem is the timings and breastfeeding rather than the fact you don't trust him with the kids.

What were you going to do about breastfeeding whilst you were away for 1-2 nights?

I was going to say that I would be totally ok with it but both of mine were bottle refusers so I wouldn't have left them for more than an evening out before about 1ish (had no problem being away from them once I'd stopped bfing though). As nice as it would have been to have a break it wouldn't have been worth the engorgment/pumping/worrying if they were settled.

When my youngest was 8mo she was still BF 6/8 times a day. I wouldn't have been able to do the spa weekend, let alone a 3/4 night stint away from her!

I like your idea of going to Spain a day or so later IAM.
Just wouldn't partic want to stay with the in-laws again (we're seeing them for 8 nights in Jan, 3 nights in Feb, and 4 nights in April), whilst they're lovely there's only so much time you want to spend with In-laws, but suggesting staying somewhere else would open up a whole new marital minefield!

If you'd agreed that you wanted/needed to be close to the 8 month old, then I think that's fair enough. To be honest, it makes me think he'd rather spread the load of child care by going to his parents rather than doing a weekend solo.
Perhaps reiterate how you want to be close due to breast feeding and fewer days and suggest the visit to Spain another time.

About the BF I was hoping that baby might be down to 2 feeds a day by then, and I'd just be able to pump a bit. But I'm speculating here how well baby will take to weaning. Which is why my spa weekend was only going to be a within couple of hours travel...

I wouldn't go on a spa break when my BF baby was 8 months.

I'm not saying this to judge you, not at all. But you and your baby might well not feel comfortable to be apart for so long and wean so abruptly.

I totally get where you are coming from about Spain, you want your baby to be close by so you can reach him if it turns out it wasn't workable.

I'd put the spa off for 6 months or so.

No you're on the wrong track there EverySecond.

It's really the distance, it's 7 hours to the grandparents, so his trip is inevitably going to be much longer than mine. And I was already concerned about leaving baby - breastfeeding - rather than care wise.

I think the bf thing is a bit of a red herring, as PPs have said the issue is no different if they are away or at home. I think it'll be lovely for them to spend some time with their GPs too.
I'd have no problem with DH doing this. I'd probably feel a bit miffed at missing out on some sun, and think he's absolutely mad to want to fly with two so young on his own (not because he couldn't do it, but I can imagine the travel would be stressful with two parents let alone just one! I wouldn't do it). I'd miss my DD of course, but again that would be the same whether they stayed or went as you are away anyway.
I can understand your husband being upset, I would be if my DH made me feel like he didn't trust me with our children.

Uncomfortable?? I would be over-fucking-joyed. My 5 month old however screams blue murder when I leave the room let alone the country and I probably wouldn't want to not bf for more than a day and dp would never offer it up.