would you be comfortable with husband taking baby and toddler abroad for weekend

[bebo100]

Hi

I'm supposed to be going on a spa weekend in spring for 1 or 2 nights for my 40th birthday. We'd deliberately said UK as I wanted to be close to our then 8 month old and 3 year old.
Husband had now announced he's thinking of taking the children to Spain (where their grandparents live for the weekend). I feel really uncomfortable with this. Am I being unreasonable? Husband flounced when I said I wasn't happy.

Thanks ladies. Lots of wise comments

How about you all go to Spain around your 40th, then have a spa break for your 40th, maybe 6 months later?

Much less stressful! A spa break is meant to be relaxing, but this is stressful just thinking about it and it's not even my spa break!

I dont think you can know how much you'll still be feeding then though. DD2 is 8mo and has 4 breastfeeds and 2 bottles still...

I seem to be the only one but I would feel so stressed out about this and wouldn't enjoy the time apart at all. I wouldn't even be happy for dp to make the 2 hour drive down to my in laws with our nearly two year old. It would feel too physically far away. This is not a reflection on how much I trust dp or whether dd would be cared for, he is more than capable and looks after her all day once a week whilst I'm at work.

Totally understand how you feel..
DH surprised me with an early Christmas gift. 7 days to Cuba without the kids (age 2.2 and 1.1) we are leaving next week and I'm nervous. This will be the first time for me being apart from them.. My mind just wants to cancel everything but I need this holiday..

So I know how you feel..

Wow Mel how exciting..... Not jealous at all :)

He is probably going there to get help from his parents! My husband would do the same...if we didnt have our part time nannies to help him. Or his parents would come here (as they did in the past when I went away for 4 day trip). I think 7 hours to grandparents might be more difficult then he realises. I dont even travel with my kids alone! I find it to overwhelming...and we have flown w them all over the world...well 9 hour flights max. But they have been on several long trips and each time I am thankful my husband is flying w me bc I couldnt cope alone. Once I flew 8 hour alone w my daughter, who would not sleep unless i held her. I had to use toilet and the flight attendents would not hold her for 1 mins while i was in toliet...so had to ask stranger....which ended up being fine...but still. short flight is fine bc u can just hold it if u need to go...but 7 hour flight if he needs to go and children wont sleep or sit still..might be difficult for him.

My DS is 11 months old and I've never spent a night away from him and I definitely wouldn't be in a different country to him. Nothing to do with trusting DH or not, I couldn't bare the thought of not being able to get to him if something happened.

I would have hated to be that far from my 8 month olds and I've had 2...The issue here is that you were looking forward to one night away and now it's become a few nights away and you have not chosen thar.

I think a few nights sway from an ebf 8 month old might be distressing for the baby and you can't know how well they will take to weaning. Also. ..as you say this is meant to be your birthday treat not something that you will spend the next few months feeling anxious about !

I'd be totally fine with this. I live overseas and DH travelled back to the UK with our two year old DD for ten days alone this summer. I missed her lots, of course, but the time alone, the sleep, it was amazing. I even went away for a few days with a girlfriend...heaven. If you can't trust your DH with your kids then who can you trust..

"If you can't trust your DH with your kids then who can you trust."

It's got nothing to do with trust.

It's about recognising that your breastfeeding fed baby may well be distressed to wean so abruptly and that being do far away means if your baby is inconsolable without you, you can't get to them quickly, and not wanting to put them - or any of the rest of the family - through that.

Ok, trust may be the wrong word, I mean trust to do the right thing....I remember when DD was small and only wanted me, and DH wanted to be involved in bedtime. It did take him a few nights to be able to settle her, if I had rushed in every time, they never would have learned to do it together. Now I've reaped the benefits as we share that role. If I need to travel, want to go out, no worries, he can settle her perfectly.

At some point that role has to be shared. Unless of course, you want to be the only one who can and then you bear that 'burden' or fulfil that role for all time. I like the freedom and the sense of teamwork.

It is only two days, or did I read that wrong?

I'd hate it!

I trust my DH completely with our DD but I couldn't bear the thought of them being in a different country to me... I'd be worried sick about all kinds of irrational nonsense, such as plane crashes or one if them getting ill.

Personally I wouldn't be able to bring myself to spend 2 nights away from them at all (longest I've been away from 6month old DD so far is about 5 hours) and if I really had to then they'd need to be within easy travelling distance.

Its not double standards in my case either, I'd not take DD away from DH for a weekend yet as I know he'd be worried and miss us.