don't think i've got the personality to be a SAHM

[RanToTheHills]

i'm impatient, I get bored with kids' games, I can't tolerate songs/rhymes/stories on long car ride for upwards of 5 mins. I can't be fascinated about other kids' feats. I realise this makes me sound horrible - I do love my own, even ds1 most of the time and he's particularly trying. On the whole though I'm not and never have been a child-loving person. I'm wondering about giving up work to spend more time with mine but dread the thought of endless play-dough, awful playdates and my brain turning to water. not meaning to sound on the attack here, just voicing my real fears, petty though they may be.

Yes, you're right HMC. Anyway, must tear myself away from mumsnet & go to bed (childminder day tomorrow- hurrah! Christmas cr*p to do - boo!)
Nighty-night

Sleep well

God I could have written some of these posts! I am a SAHM and my DD is 19 months. She is driving me insane at the moment and I am knackered! Because of that I am short tempered with her and in turn she is worse and being constantly whiney at the minute!! It's a vicious circle!

I'd love to get a part time job but with no family to help (no family near by and DH works away a lot) I'd end up working to pay nursery fees and whilst I'd love to do it to 'get out and about' I think I'd end up more and more frazzled than if I didn't go out to work IYSWIM. In short I feel trapped some days and other days I look at myself and think I am damned lucky to be able to be a SAHM.

I thought Cod's suggestion about nursery quite a good one tbh. DD has gone to creche (2.5 hrs) once a week since 13 months and from Jan 07 will go two sessions a week. This gives her time away from me (hopefully helping build independence, allowing her to do messy things she doesn't do at home etc) and gives me a little time to get jobs done I can't do when she is around and a little 'breathing' space. I do feel guilty about sending her (I've wrangled about sending her 2 sessions/wk for months) esp as I don't work and obviously it costs, but I think for both our sanity it needs to be done and DH is in agreement. I honestly think we'll then enjoy our time together more.

Oh and I do take her to several activities every week so not just in the house - I'm actually surprised that I don't mind toddlers/songs etc but not every day/every hour (which is what she'd have me do!). I find it harder now that DD wants my constant attention and has a tantrum if she basically doesn't get it - it's like fighting with her every day!!! I find it exhausting and exasperating!

On the whole though, I love her to bits (but yes, if I'm honest I probably wouldn't have had her had I really known what it would entail - but maybe I would have??? Bit confused on that front - depends on how my/our day is going I guess!).

My HV said to me months ago "having a child, is like groundhog day, same old shit, different day"! I thought it was quite apt! (Btw she was agreeing with my feelings on something - she didn't just come out with it!).