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Original poster

How to say nice things about menstruation...

32 replies

Flowerface · 08/12/2015 20:46

So I read that one is meant to be all positive and celebratory about periods and I am at a loss as to what to say in this vein!! I found the whole experience horrendous, not because of anything my Mum said or did but because it was agonisingly painful, messy and embarrassing. How can I present the whole thing in a positive light to my DDs? They are too young to care at the moment, and I haven't had a period for them to notice for yonks (three children, BF, Mirena coil). But I want to get my story straight for when the time comes...

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lljkk · 08/12/2015 21:33

I don't see how you can if it's not sincere. I couldn't exactly put on a song or dance routine about it, myself.

I'm 100% with the practical advice, though. Problems have solutions.

Curiouserandcuriouser30 · 08/12/2015 21:37

Hmmm tricky. I haven't had to do this yet, but I would probably focus on the fact that periods are a sign that everything is working as it should, they are natural etc.
I wouldn't wax lyrical about how wonderful they are.. because they are not.

flanjabelle · 08/12/2015 21:42

I would focus more on the normality of it. I would explain that every woman out there goes through it and that is something we all have in common. I think when you have your first period its hard to see it as normal, it feels so strange and unsettling.

I just want my dd to know that its nothing to worry about and that there are plenty of options to enable her to just get on with normal life.

I'm afraid after years of flooding and horrific period pains I won't be queuing up to sing the praises of the period though!

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lljkk · 08/12/2015 21:48

DD is 14, not started yet, she feels a touch left out.

Kids & especially teens hate to think they are missing out on something.

So there can be ways of seeing it as positive, for DD it will be "You finally joined the club!" For a girl who starts early compared to peers, she will be seen as the "expert" who knows all about it when the others are still nervous waiting.

I guess you can find a positive spin even while being purely pragmatic about it. And while I can't go for schmaltz myself, it obviously works for some.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 08/12/2015 21:48

Just go for practical advice, i can only imagine how horrible a period would have been if imhad been fed "wonderful womanly love honey cycle" crap

PurpleTreeFrog · 08/12/2015 21:56

Not sure if this is really a positive, but if you don't have periods (by a certain age) it can be a bad sign. My friend didn't get a period by the time she was 16 and she was longing for it more than any of us. After a few appointments with various specialists, she was devastated to find out that she is infertile and always will be.

So while having a period doesn't guarantee that you're fertile, it's a good start. (Also, it was only when this friend took medication to start her periods that her boobs grew from flat As to Ds, which she was very happy about.) So that's something: it goes hand in hand with womanhood.

When I have my period I try to be thankful that my body is working exactly how it naturally should do.

titchy · 08/12/2015 22:12

Who the fuck says you're supposed to be celebratory? It's a normal female bodily function, treat it as one. Nothing more nothing less. Or do people celebrate their poos too?

blatantplacemark · 08/12/2015 22:25

You don't need to do anything. Buy a book , make sure you've got a good stack of pads, say ' shout me if you're concerned about anything or unsure' and that's it isn't it?

My DD is 17 and that's all I did. It really isn't a big deal, it's just part of life

dollybird · 08/12/2015 22:31

my conversation with DD (12) was very much about the practical side of things. She started last month, and I hadn't had 'the conversation' with her. had been meaning to but then discovered she had started and didn't tell me (no surprise there). All very matter of fact.

PhilPhilConnors · 08/12/2015 22:33

Practical tips and honesty.
Dd was gutted that she'd still have periods in winter too :o
A nice hot water bottle and chocolate helps too.

NannyNim · 08/12/2015 22:33

My mum was quite stuffy about periods and everything was discussed in code and nothing beyond the biology was ever discussed. I wished somebody HAD told me just how horrible they can be! I was so embarrassed about "leaking" and having it arrive unexpectedly and the sheer level of pain. I thought I was the only one who couldn't manage my period until I went away to uni and met more open girls and learned that we all experience this kind of thing!

My advice would be to just tell her everything that it's normal, healthy, unpleasant most of the time, and that you're there when she needs you!

titchy · 08/12/2015 22:36

Don't say it's unpleasant most of the time! That might not be her experience at all.

Akire · 08/12/2015 22:38

The only positive thing is one day you may be able have a baby. I've had periods for counts on fingers 26y can't say every been positive.

Only thing can think of is to be time of month can spoil self. Treat self to chocolate or something else they would enjoy and make a fuss of them over it?

roundandroundthehouses · 08/12/2015 22:40

I can't imagine the reaction my two would have given me if I'd tried being celebratory. I just said that they showed you were healthy and not pregnant.

wigglesrock · 08/12/2015 22:43

I didn't go down the celebratory route when explaining periods to my daughters. My eldest is 10.5, she hasn't started her periods yet, but we've talked about them, about tampons/pads, comfy knickers, painkillers, how exercise can help, hot water bottles. She's not embarrassed to ask questions, she doesn't want to over talk it but I'm fairly confident that she would be comfortable in coming to me if she needs me. I remember my mum doing a bit of a turn with "oh it's lovely, it's becoming a woman" etc - I swore I wouldn't do the same if I had daughters. Periods aren't particularly pleasant, they can be very painful and you can feel like death but there are things you can do to make it easier to cope with them.

Domino777 · 08/12/2015 22:51

I usually have an indulgent day as far as possible. So watching a film in bed or eating a favourite carby tea.

I usually get the solution to various problems/situations during periods.

roundandroundthehouses · 09/12/2015 09:46

Yeah, definitely don't do the 'becoming a woman' thing.

Mum: "Well - you're a woman, now."
13-yr-old me: crinnngggeeee
Mum: "Well, you won't really be a woman for a while. Not until you're married and have children."
13-yr-old me:

My dd1 gets terrible, disruptive pain (improved after a few GP visits) and there's no positive spin you could possibly put on it. Dd2 has a more normal, mildly grotty day. Chocolate and a hot water bottle, maybe a bath if it's awful, and it's Dad's job to fill the bottles .

BillMurrey · 09/12/2015 10:02

I had endometriosis with disgusting periods from day one. my dd is 12 and I think she will start in the next 12 months - all the signs are there.

I've been fairly honest and open with her as I don't want it to be a shock to her system and as a result she says she feels well prepared. I haven't really volunteered information, just answered her questions, of which there have been many, as honestly but un-dramatically as possible.

Like NannyNim I thought everyone's periods were as bad as mine, and couldn't understand how they could still swim, do sport, have sleepovers etc. We didn't even say 'period' at home, it was referred to as 'feeling unwell' and I was only given 1 pack of 12 towels each month.

I want dd to know that she doesn't have to put up with that shit and she can take medication to regulate and reduce her periods if she needs to, and her life can carry on as normal.

Angelto5 · 09/12/2015 10:11

First moon party?

(Never copied a link before-fingers crossed this works !)

dimots · 09/12/2015 10:17

What is the current medical approach to painful periods in teens these days?
I'm asking because my periods as a teen literally ruined my life for about 4 days each month. Very painful and not always helped by asprin or paracetamol/ ibuprofen They were not especially regular either, so when invited to a party for example, I would be worried that if my period arrived I would have to cancel, but wouldn't know for sure until the day as period may or may not arrive on time. Also a problem at exam time and limiting when it came to choosing careers. My mother told me it wasn't worth going to the doctor as this was normal.
The pain did lessen a bit as I got older and stop after I had children, but I had miserable teenage months with it and truly think I would have benefited from medication to stop them completely - like cerezette if that had been available at the time. Do doctors prescribe this for teens? Or are there too many risks?
If my daughter suffers like I did I would like to think something could be done to stop periods. After all, no-one needs them unless they are TTC.

BillMurrey · 09/12/2015 10:18

Angel that is hilarious!

cabbageleaf · 09/12/2015 12:45

I'm surprised you're only getting replies from women whose periods have made them suffer. My period had never given me much trouble and I never got the impression I was a minority. So I wouldn't assume your DD is going to hate having her period! I'd just give her the facts, tell her how to cope with pads etc., and make it clear that she can come to you with any concerns she may have. And don't buy her a book whatever you do, communicate openly and without embarrassment and she won't feel she can't come to talk to you, but will have to look up the answers to her questions in a book or on Google.

lljkk · 09/12/2015 15:01

I didn't say mine made me suffer .
Okay so sometimes they did make me suffer, but most of my life not.

Savagebeauty · 09/12/2015 15:06

There is nothing positive to say about them. Bloody inconvenient and unpredictable.
I've had 43 years of the fuckers.

PurpleTreeFrog · 10/12/2015 09:07

It might be good to warn her that they are a bit unpredictable at the beginning but usually do settle down as you get older. That it's all totally normal.

Like most teens I was terrified of using tampons, so personally I would want to explain them more clearly to my own daughter. I would buy a little range of the smallest ones (applicator maybe easier at the beginning) and say "don't worry, you don't need to try these right away, pads are fine, but eventually you might like to give tampons a try, especially if you want to go swimming. Have a good look at the instructions and practice at home if you like. It might take a bit of practice but once you get used to it, you won't be able to feel it."

I just wish I'd tried them a bit sooner as I used to really enjoy swimming and periods totally got in the way.

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