How to say nice things about menstruation...

[Flowerface]

So I read that one is meant to be all positive and celebratory about periods and I am at a loss as to what to say in this vein!! I found the whole experience horrendous, not because of anything my Mum said or did but because it was agonisingly painful, messy and embarrassing. How can I present the whole thing in a positive light to my DDs? They are too young to care at the moment, and I haven't had a period for them to notice for yonks (three children, BF, Mirena coil). But I want to get my story straight for when the time comes...

[toastandmarmaladewithacupoftea]

I'm not sure about 'celebratory', but at about the time I was going to start, my mum started buying packets of pads with different pretty coloured wraps and telling me where she kept them and that I could help myself when I needed them - in a confiding 'women-together' kind of way. I was a bit embarrassed but actually it was a really nice, positive thing to do.

I had horrific, painful periods too. My mum hadn't, so didn't really know how to help me. If my DD has, I'll make sure we go to the gp and keep going back until it's under control!

[PeasOnEarth]

dimots GPs definitely do prescribe the pill for teenagers with periods that are limiting them in the ways you went through, either pop or low dose cocp. They tend to want to discuss not just risks but also that it isn't to encourage underage sexual behaviour that the teenager might not be emotionally be ready for, and might otherwise have said no to. I'm sorry you had such an awful time.

[Killairno]

I think my mum made an effort NOT to be negative about it rather than to be too actively positive and that's the tack I will take too.

She hated it being called "the curse" and similar.
I think saying it's a sign your body is healthy and growing up and that is a good thing and then practical advice about any pains or leaking or embarrassment.

[roundandroundthehouses]

Mehh, the only thing that impeded my flowering as a women were the fecking periods .

[Flowerface]

Okay, great, this is a relief! I was worried that I would be burdening them with negative views that impeded their flowering as women. Or something similar. I read an article in The Mother magazine, you see.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es]

Mine were horrific as a teen so I'm finding it difficult to get right with DD too, I don't want to worry her but I don't want to make too light of it either. I also don't really want to go down the indulgence route too much either, pain killers and a bit of chocolate yes, but definitely life goes on as usual with it.

Also, while I concede that they are mot horrific for everyone, I think unpleasant most of the time is a fair description, even when mine are at their mildest there is nothing pleasant about them whatsoever. The curse is about right. I won't be saying any of this to her but it's definitely been my experience.

[PurpleTreeFrog]

Just to add to that, I went on a family holiday to Florida when I was about 12 and everyone could tell that I'd come on my period as I suddenly stopped using the pool... I wasn't expecting my period then, so I didn't pack any sanitary pads for the trip, I had to ask my stepmum to help me find some at the 'weird' American supermarket. It was mortifying as I was really only comfortable talking about it to my own mum, no-one else. So I would also want to encourage my daughter to be prepared for it at any time, especially as they can be so irregular at the beginning.

[PurpleTreeFrog]

It might be good to warn her that they are a bit unpredictable at the beginning but usually do settle down as you get older. That it's all totally normal.

Like most teens I was terrified of using tampons, so personally I would want to explain them more clearly to my own daughter. I would buy a little range of the smallest ones (applicator maybe easier at the beginning) and say "don't worry, you don't need to try these right away, pads are fine, but eventually you might like to give tampons a try, especially if you want to go swimming. Have a good look at the instructions and practice at home if you like. It might take a bit of practice but once you get used to it, you won't be able to feel it."

I just wish I'd tried them a bit sooner as I used to really enjoy swimming and periods totally got in the way.

[Savagebeauty]

There is nothing positive to say about them. Bloody inconvenient and unpredictable.
I've had 43 years of the fuckers.

[lljkk]

I didn't say mine made me suffer .
Okay so sometimes they did make me suffer, but most of my life not.

[cabbageleaf]

I'm surprised you're only getting replies from women whose periods have made them suffer. My period had never given me much trouble and I never got the impression I was a minority. So I wouldn't assume your DD is going to hate having her period! I'd just give her the facts, tell her how to cope with pads etc., and make it clear that she can come to you with any concerns she may have. And don't buy her a book whatever you do, communicate openly and without embarrassment and she won't feel she can't come to talk to you, but will have to look up the answers to her questions in a book or on Google.

[BillMurrey]

Angel that is hilarious!

[dimots]

What is the current medical approach to painful periods in teens these days?
I'm asking because my periods as a teen literally ruined my life for about 4 days each month. Very painful and not always helped by asprin or paracetamol/ ibuprofen They were not especially regular either, so when invited to a party for example, I would be worried that if my period arrived I would have to cancel, but wouldn't know for sure until the day as period may or may not arrive on time. Also a problem at exam time and limiting when it came to choosing careers. My mother told me it wasn't worth going to the doctor as this was normal.
The pain did lessen a bit as I got older and stop after I had children, but I had miserable teenage months with it and truly think I would have benefited from medication to stop them completely - like cerezette if that had been available at the time. Do doctors prescribe this for teens? Or are there too many risks?
If my daughter suffers like I did I would like to think something could be done to stop periods. After all, no-one needs them unless they are TTC.

[Angelto5]

First moon party?

(Never copied a link before-fingers crossed this works !)

[BillMurrey]

I had endometriosis with disgusting periods from day one. my dd is 12 and I think she will start in the next 12 months - all the signs are there.

I've been fairly honest and open with her as I don't want it to be a shock to her system and as a result she says she feels well prepared. I haven't really volunteered information, just answered her questions, of which there have been many, as honestly but un-dramatically as possible.

Like NannyNim I thought everyone's periods were as bad as mine, and couldn't understand how they could still swim, do sport, have sleepovers etc. We didn't even say 'period' at home, it was referred to as 'feeling unwell' and I was only given 1 pack of 12 towels each month.

I want dd to know that she doesn't have to put up with that shit and she can take medication to regulate and reduce her periods if she needs to, and her life can carry on as normal.

[roundandroundthehouses]

Yeah, definitely don't do the 'becoming a woman' thing.

Mum: "Well - you're a woman, now."
13-yr-old me: crinnngggeeee
Mum: "Well, you won't really be a woman for a while. Not until you're married and have children."
13-yr-old me:

My dd1 gets terrible, disruptive pain (improved after a few GP visits) and there's no positive spin you could possibly put on it. Dd2 has a more normal, mildly grotty day. Chocolate and a hot water bottle, maybe a bath if it's awful, and it's Dad's job to fill the bottles .

[Domino777]

I usually have an indulgent day as far as possible. So watching a film in bed or eating a favourite carby tea.

I usually get the solution to various problems/situations during periods.

[wigglesrock]

I didn't go down the celebratory route when explaining periods to my daughters. My eldest is 10.5, she hasn't started her periods yet, but we've talked about them, about tampons/pads, comfy knickers, painkillers, how exercise can help, hot water bottles. She's not embarrassed to ask questions, she doesn't want to over talk it but I'm fairly confident that she would be comfortable in coming to me if she needs me. I remember my mum doing a bit of a turn with "oh it's lovely, it's becoming a woman" etc - I swore I wouldn't do the same if I had daughters. Periods aren't particularly pleasant, they can be very painful and you can feel like death but there are things you can do to make it easier to cope with them.

[roundandroundthehouses]

I can't imagine the reaction my two would have given me if I'd tried being celebratory. I just said that they showed you were healthy and not pregnant.

[Akire]

The only positive thing is one day you may be able have a baby. I've had periods for counts on fingers 26y can't say every been positive.

Only thing can think of is to be time of month can spoil self. Treat self to chocolate or something else they would enjoy and make a fuss of them over it?

[titchy]

Don't say it's unpleasant most of the time! That might not be her experience at all.

[NannyNim]

My mum was quite stuffy about periods and everything was discussed in code and nothing beyond the biology was ever discussed. I wished somebody HAD told me just how horrible they can be! I was so embarrassed about "leaking" and having it arrive unexpectedly and the sheer level of pain. I thought I was the only one who couldn't manage my period until I went away to uni and met more open girls and learned that we all experience this kind of thing!

My advice would be to just tell her everything that it's normal, healthy, unpleasant most of the time, and that you're there when she needs you!

[PhilPhilConnors]

Practical tips and honesty.
Dd was gutted that she'd still have periods in winter too :o
A nice hot water bottle and chocolate helps too.

[dollybird]

my conversation with DD (12) was very much about the practical side of things. She started last month, and I hadn't had 'the conversation' with her. had been meaning to but then discovered she had started and didn't tell me (no surprise there). All very matter of fact.

[blatantplacemark]

You don't need to do anything. Buy a book , make sure you've got a good stack of pads, say ' shout me if you're concerned about anything or unsure' and that's it isn't it?

My DD is 17 and that's all I did. It really isn't a big deal, it's just part of life