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Parenting

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Original poster

Just found out I'm pregnant and have an 8 month old.

43 replies

Panickingalot · 23/10/2015 15:26

Just found out I'm pregnant. Complete shock as ds is an IVF baby and we had been told we couldn't conceive naturally.

I'm petrified. We have no family around so I am going to be dealing with a newborn and a 16 month old by myself when my husband is at work.

I have definitely suffered from baby blues with ds and I'm worried that it will be full blown PND if I have to deal with 2 so young.

Any word of wisdom from anyone. Anyone else been in a similar position? Just need a bit of hand holding as still in shock

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TranquilityofSolitude · 23/10/2015 15:33

I have a 16 month age gap and it's been brilliant! They are 16 and 18 now so it's a while ago but it really did start to pay back quite early. The first 6 months were hard and we didn't achieve a great deal in the first three, but the relationship they have is wonderful and we have not regretted it.

TranquilityofSolitude · 23/10/2015 15:35

Sorry - posted too soon!

One of the best things has been that they were able to do things together quite early on, which gave us really valuable time without them, and also gave us the reassurance that they had each other. This was definitely helped by having 2 DDs, but it meant that we only had one trip to Brownies etc when other parents had one in Rainbows and one in Brownies etc.

SomeWeirdPumpkin · 23/10/2015 18:13

Congratulations! There are so many advantages to a small age gap IMO.

There is no debating the will he/won't he/she walk when the baby arrives, it's all slings and double pushchairs (I had both).

Two of my DC's are 1 school year apart which is fun, great in a way as you get to know the teachers really well (in primary anyway)...luckily both teachers are great.

It's non stop but good fun, in some ways it must be harder if you have a large age gap and you are over nappies and pushchairs, then have to begin again.

Don't be petrified! Just refine your house work (cheat and cut corners), stop ironing for a while, make sure you have a dishwasher and get familiar with ocado (ocado have saved the day many times here, they are so reliable), take every offer of help going and always have an escape route. My escape route was a long coat that covered anything I was wearing in winter/'school run dress' in summer and a double pushchair...throw on coat, put babies in pushchair and go out for a walk.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds 1st trimester 6-9 months old Babies & sleep

Theonethatgotaway772 · 23/10/2015 18:15

I have a 15 moth gap,it wasn't that hard I also had no help.

7to25 · 23/10/2015 18:18

Sixteen months between my first two. At 28 and 29 they are still friends. It is doable as others have said. Try and get out every day and think fed, clean, dressed and then housework. Really things at that stage were simple.

7to25 · 23/10/2015 18:19

Sorry, forgot to say that too. I had no help.

MaisieDotes · 23/10/2015 18:20

Congratulations OP! I'll have the same gap- DS is 14mo and I'm due in January. I planned it though.

I know it's going to be hard, but I also think it will be great and worth the initial mayhem.

MummySparkle · 23/10/2015 18:30

16 and a half months between my two. DS is nearly 3 and DD is 1 and a half now. And they are friends! They play together and 'talk' to each other already. DS is always pleased to see his little sister and she idolises him.

And they both enjoy the same things. DS wasn't grumpy for long about having a new sibling as he forgot about the 'before' pretty quickly.

Double buggy and a sling are essentials (I love my Phil and Teds). And pretty much as soon as we weaned DD we just gave her whatever DS was having whenever he was having it.

Take some time to prepare your house and get everything easy to sort out (I'm thinking clothes here - the DCs generate a huge amount of laundry!!) before your new one arrives. We moved house when DD was 6months and that was a mistake! New house is still chaos 10months on.

It was really hard at first, but we can feel things starting to get easier already. The DCs are going to be great friends

Branleuse · 23/10/2015 18:32

i have a year gap (well, 11.5months) and it was pretty hardcore for a while, but its actually a great gap. No rivalry, theyre all into the same thing at the same time

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/10/2015 18:42

My DC have a pretty big age age going by this thread (18 months!), but we don't regret it for a second. The first six months were a blur, but they're 5 and 6 now, and it came into its own ages ago.

If you're stuck in the nappies, naps, non-verbal stage, then you might as well throw another one into the mix and just deal with it.

My BF and I both had our PFBs within a couple of weeks of each other. We then went on to have our second very quickly, whereas they have just over a 5-year age gap between their two. I won't go into it, but suffice to say, it makes me feel more certain than ever that a small age gap is the way to go.

My DB and I are 20 months apart and we've always been close. It was the reason I personally was keen for a small age gap with ours. We have a DS and a DD, and they remind me so much of DB and me.

hazeyjane · 23/10/2015 18:45

Get a good double buggy - I preferred nipper 360 to Phil and Teds (but used the carry bag thing from Phil and Teds in the nipper and to hoft dd2 about)

Get a good wrap type sling

There have been chaotic moments, hard work moments (mostly moving house and baby number 3 arriving!), but there has also been the privilege of watching my girls developing the lovely friendship they have now (they are 8 and 9).

TattieHowkerz · 23/10/2015 18:46

My friend is a single mum with this sort of age gap.
She finds lots good about it. Her boys (now toddlers) are best pals, they are sweet together, climb into bed to snuggle up etc. They entertain each other really well too,a nd have done since they were babies.

var123 · 23/10/2015 18:48

That's the age gap i have. Its fine - really! Second babies are much easier because you know what you are doing. By the time DC2 is crawling, your first child will be a toddler. they'll watch disney films together, play together, get bathed together etc. etc

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/10/2015 18:48

I had a 13mo gap and was in just the same position as you. I survived!

It is great now that they are older and are friends. From your POV, it may be easier to get all the baby crap (literally ) over and done with in one fell swoop. Also, I struggled to bond with DS1 but found it loads easier with DS2, perhaps simply because I knew what to expect 2nd time round.

You will be ok. Congratulations

Oh and you get 'tiny age gap' bragging rights forever!!

BrandNewAndImproved · 23/10/2015 18:50

I've got a 17month gap.

Best advice is sort out their sleep. Fuck that nicely nicey don't ever cry baby. Sort out self soothing its not a lie it takes 3 days. You will need your sleep and sanity.

TheEagle · 23/10/2015 19:00

Congratulations!

I have an 18.5 month age gap between DS1 and DTs.

It was a mighty shock when we found out we'd have baby twins and a toddler but 6 months in we are surviving.

A sling is very useful plus for us somewhere safe to put the toddler while dealing with the twins (particularly in the early days) was essential.

Stock up on little things like sticker books, DVDs, toys, iPad apps etc to entertain toddler while feeding.

If I'm honest, the hardest part was being pregnant with a toddler so try to rest when you can and get your baby/toddler into a good predictable routine. That way you can slot your newborn in around your toddler.

Best of luck for your pregnancy

BreeVDKamp · 23/10/2015 19:03

Ooh congratulations!

This is an interesting thread for me as I wanted an 18 month gap but still having physio and haven't DTD after DS' birth 5 months ago so it's looking less likely :( but maybe we should try and make it happen, this thread makes it sound wonderful!! :)

Good luck OP.

hazeyjane · 23/10/2015 19:05

I forgot to say congratulations - sorry!!

Agree about the being pregnant being hard, I also found it very emotional because you can't imagine loving and being so devoted and full of wonder at another baby when the first one was so new (or that might have just been me!) But then you meet number 2 and you can't imagine life without the both of them.

My dd1 wasn't a good sleeper when dd2 arrived - but it was ok, there was a lot of snuggling in the big bed, and letting dd1 watch Dora whilst I got dd2 to sleep.

Twerking9to5 · 23/10/2015 19:06

I have two under two, with the baby now 3 months. I have found it really hard but now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I did get PND but went to the docs as soon as I felt like it was more than just baby blues. That's my main advice-don't ignore you and your feelings (easy to do with two little ones!!)

Best of luck, there really will be lots of wonderful moments to come! X

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/10/2015 19:37

Bree - we started TTC when DS was 7 months, and two months later, bingo (we were very lucky as DS took 16 months and I had two early miscarriages along the way). So you have some leeway yet!

ErnesttheBavarian · 23/10/2015 19:47

I have a 17 month gap with my 1st 2 dc. It was hard work and I moved abroad when 6 months pg with dc2 so had no family, no friends and dint know the system or anything. It was hard hut I've never regretted the gap. The boys were so close. Everyone thought they were twins and they did so much together.

3 years later I had dc3 and we had always wanted 4 so I soon ttc dc4 so that the last 2 would also be very close. but it never happened. Finally 4.5 years later dc 4 came along. Would have liked the smaller gap hut you don't always get to choose and the important thing is to take the benefits from whatever situation you find yourself in.

Good luck.

3littlebadgers · 23/10/2015 19:54

I had a 17 month gap between ds1 and ds2. It was brilliant. The hardest part was the first trimester purely due to the exhaustion, but from there on in it was lovely. When I was pregnant ds1 would cuddle and knock against my bump and I think as a result when ds2 was born he was already on the same clock as the rest of us. We'd all snuggle up together during the day and nap. It was bliss. Baby number 2 is also less of a shock to the system becuase you are already used to the world of baby wrangling. Ds1 was too little to become jealous so I didn't have anything like that to worry about and they have grown up very close and are the best of friends. They, and their own friends, even hang around together at school. Congratulations and good luck.

3littlebadgers · 23/10/2015 19:55

Ooh I should say I also had no help. Lived overseas and DH was often at sea for months at a time.

LaceyLee · 23/10/2015 20:00

Congratulations! How wonderful that you can have a second child without all the stress and expense of IVF. It will be hard but I think a small age gap can work brilliantly as you are still in baby mindset when no 2 comes along and you haven't got used to full nights of sleep etc. Then again, do accept any help you possibly can! Best of luck

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/10/2015 20:20

Yes, definitely, re no jealousy, as they're too young to even understand. Their sibling is the most natural thing in the world, as they don't remember a time before them.

My two will sit next to each other on the big chair in the living room instead of spread out on the sofa, and if they want something, they always ask for one for their sibling. They and their friends play together at school, and if one has a friend over to play, they all play together, no question. The more, the merrier. They're at the same stage and into the same thing.

I was also overseas with no g/parents close by - I won't lie, there are hard times in the early days, but it all comes into its own more quickly than you realise.

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