how difficult is it with two children close together?

[jessica3692]

That's all really please ladies.

I have a 9m and I would like another baby. I would like them to grow up together with 2yrs between give or take.

just wondering if I am committing myself to a life (or few years at least) of stress and 0 sleep etc.!

Thanks mamas!

There's 10 months between my oldest two and 2 years between the middle and youngest. Mine were adopted do I didn't have the newborn or pregnancy stages but now its lovely. Oldest has just started school and middle is in nursery so most days it's just littlest at home. But when they are all together they all play together and like to look after each other. One bad thing is that the older two had just got out of the grabbing everything phase when the baby started to walk and so we're back in damage control mode. At least it'll all be over soon. I can't imagine how depressing it must be after a few years nappy free to be suddenly plunged back into it. We only had around a month of no nappies before number three arrived.

It is hard work, but my children are really close, also because of the age gap, they were at school together so I didn't worry as much as I do about my son who is now at primary school (obviously we all got on fine at school without siblings but I'm just giving a parents perspective)
I don't think it's that much harder.
What's difficult is when you have gone through all the years of hard work, the kids get older, you throw out your weekend stained rug, your house starts looking like a grown ups house again, because they have grown out of drawing on the walls,
then your partner says 'let's have another! Then you have to go through it all over again.
Let's face it we all love our children, but no one wants to go back to potty training days and terrible 2's. It will feel like a bad version of groundhog day.
I am embracing the new stages as they get older...

My point which has been lost is ... get it all out of the way, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

There is 12 months and 15days between mine. Yes it's hard but yes it gets easier. But saying that I had a 3 month old when I was pregnant with ds so you already have missed some of the obstacles I went through. I was trying to get pregnant but when I realised I was, I cried...how could I cope with all the tiredness and pregnancy yak when I was feeling so tired and yak already. Then the penny dropped I was feeling so yak and tired because I was pregnant. It's fun trying to load a pram in a car boot with a massive bump...swing and throw....couldn't put dd into her cot sleeping because couldn't lean over. But once ds was here I just adapted, it was amazing. I had so many people telling me I wouldn't cope but I did and they are best mates now it's magical to watch...they try to kill each other occasionally as well but mostly they are great together. I was an only child and didn't want my dd to be as lonely and unhappy as I was. So the whole crazy thing was planned, wouldn't go back and change a thing.

There's 16 months between DS1 & DS2. It was tough & I barely remember DS2's first year, but we muddled through somehow. It can't have been that bad - I went on to have DS3, but with a 2.5 year gap this time. They were close as little ones & are still good friends now they are older, so it was worth it.

I had my three dc's close together.
I just thought that I would rather just get it over and done with while I was in the baby mode. It was defo the best thing for me.

There are strengths and weaknesses to all age gaps, but the one thing I would say, is don't do it because you assume closer in age will mean siblings who are closer to each other. That just doesn't work.

Of my friends' children, some of those with the closest age gaps have the most intense sibling rivalry. I even know a pair that I would go so far as to say they hate each other and cannot be left alone together...

Whereas others with an older age gap get on brilliantly. My two have three years age gap and they get on fab. Fri night they had a sleepover together in DD1s room, yesterday and this morning I woke up to them playing together. But that's not an age thing, I'm lucky that I had two children of the same gender, who share the same hobbies, have the same interests and have compatible personalities (one bossy, one compliant ). I would say gender / interests / personality is far more likely to determine whether siblings get on than age gaps.

We had a 3 year gap. It's worked for us , but is not right for everyone.

It's hard work. I had 6 in eight years(with a few miscarriages thrown in). The youngest is now 8 and it's still just as hard just a different sort of hard.

18 months here. I was a huge ball of stress and anxiety in the beginning and thought it was the worst mistake I'd ever made but now they're 4 and almost 3 and it's a joy. All the teething, sleepless nights, nappys etc were over in one long stint. Passing down clothes and equipment is handy too and they both enjoy the same things so entertaining them is a doddle. Two girls so the fights are pretty epic and loud but I wouldn't change it for the world!

My older two have about the same gap you'll have. DC1 was a bad sleeper for her first year but then got better. DC2 was a good sleeper (by which I don't mean he slept 7-7 or anything, just that he woke for feeds 4 hourly and went back to sleep, which is what I had believed babies did before I had one, then thought was just a myth after I had PFB :o )

I found 2 close in age excellent because I was in small child mode, I was a "good parent" doing all the toddlers groups and craft and baking and puddle jumping and duck feeding and poo sticks playing and painting etc. etc. when they were small.

I had DC3 when the older 2 were 5.5 and 3.5 and it was much, much harder having older children on a totally different schedule, need ing to be not just up but dressed and breakfasted and out the door at a set time, and more significantly with school runs and activities and playdates and fitting that around a baby and small toddler - I often think DC3 spends a lot of time as a parcel, just beeng schlepped around while I take and fetch his older siblings places.

As DC3 gets older and wants hobbies and playdates in his own right it is hard to fit his own activities, sports and playdates around the pre-existing ones of his siblings, plus I am starting to "want my life back" and am working more, meaning he's in childcare more than his siblings ever were, and that will continue with him going to after school clubs which they never had to right at the start of school etc.

Two close in age was way easier than a gap, for me.

12 month gap here - they're now almost 2 and 3.

It's been extremely difficult and I've been depressed since youngest was a few months old.

My older 2 who are close in age are very close - so much so that they often behave like a unit, despite (or I sometimes think because of) being utterly different from one another - they are girl/ boy, they have opposite but complementary personalities and talents - they often help each other with things because what one isn't so good at the other will be. DC2 is also big for his age which means they are often mistaken for twins, and until DC1 started secondary they'd often ask to be bought the same item of clothing, such as a gender neutral T shirt, and dress the same through choice (both in jeans and the same T shirt for example) to encourage the twin illusion.

They are close to DC3 in a different way, and they do all sleep in DC2's room together on a big double mattress we have there for bouncing on :o like a litter of puppies :o But there is definitely a Big Kids/ Little Kids divide, and the older two are are unit who look after and baby the Little One even though he really isn't so little any more and probably needs to stop milking the Cute Baby act :o

I had a 17 month age gap between ds1 and ds2 - yes fell pregnant unplanned when ds1 was 9 months. The next 2 yrs were crazy, it's a bit like twins - big nappies & small nappies, double buggy etc. Feeding toddler in highchair whilst newborn breastfeeding on lap.
However, now they are 13.5 & 15, both at senior school, have always been into the same things and are good mates.
However I was so exhausted I needed a longer gap before having baby 3 - and that's where my problems started !
A bigger age gap and a girl - now means we have 2 boys close in age and interests plus a much younger daughter with completely different interests and friends - which makes life hard.
My advice would be - if you only want 2 children, a small age gap is good, if you want to have 3 or more dc, space the age gaps evenly.

Mine are 23 months apart, and squabble incessantly even now - but I still think it's a brilliant age gap. The happiest time of my life was when they were small together.

There is 16 months between my two and it was the best choice ever. They've always had each other to play with, I've been able to remain the adult in the relationship and never had to feign interest in toy soldiers, cars or football. Both are now almost adult and have even been able to support each other through maths a level and planning for uni. Never regretted the timing once.

I think every child and family are different.
Mine are 17 mths apart and I definitely would not recommend it. DC1 was a great sleeper and feeder and a fairly placid child, I did loads, got out and about with her, ate out etc. DC2 was a nightmare baby. Not a sleeper (took about 4.5 years before he stopped waking at least once a night); bad feeder and eater; much more "needy". I got PND after having DC2 so that made the first year particularly difficult. I wouldn't recommend it!

However I know people who had a difficult first child and an easy second one and it was pretty much a breeze.

Mine are 7 and 8 now and its probably only in the last year or 2 that they frequently started playing together and that I can honestly say that life is a lot easier.

Mine are 11months and 1day apart, it was hard until now DD is 2 and DS is 1 as they play together and DD will walk most places and listens to instructions. If you get the first in a good routine then number 2 should follow it once they're past the first few weeks. Go for it they will grow up together, mine are even in the same school year!

*meant wee stained rug.
After reading a few other posts I just wanted to add.... Yes the children did fight like cat and dog when they were around 7 and 9 but in public there was always a united front, they would stick up for each other.
Now that they are 18 and 20 they are very close.
They do have friends who are close in age and whom do not get on, and I'm sorry to say I blame that on the parent's.
In some cases which I have witnessed the Parents tend to compare the children
"Look at bob eating his dinner, he's a good boy, you should be more like bob"
"Ooh bob is sitting quietly, don't you want to come over here and sit with bob"
I know people in their 40's who hate their sibling, and it's not because they are close in age, it goes much much deeper than that.
Comparing your children, having a good child and a "bad" child places unnecessary pressure on the sibling who may not be so good at behaving or good at school and pressure on the "good" sibling not to ever mess up, they won't focus their hatred on you for comparing them their whole lives because you are mum and they need you. They will focus it on the other sibling, concluding that if "bob" was not around life would be better, and therefore hating the other sibling.
Just an observation, not written in stone of course.

22 months apart & on the whole I would say easy tbh.

But my PFB is very easy going, wasn't at all fazed by the baby, was happy to sit on the sofa or bed with me with a book/few toys whilst I breast fed.

We all often napped together as well!

I was also in a small town with everything that I needed within toddler walking distance!

20 month gap here and the first year and half was hell but DC2 was a very difficult baby who never slept and even now coming up to 3 sleeps erratically. I think a lot depends on the personality of the children. If I had two children like DC1 it would have been a breeze but DC2 was very very clingy, wanted to be held at all times, never slept, reflux etc etc but now at 4 and almost three they are the best of friends, play together very well and amuse each other which is lovely. I'm glad I have them with this gap but I would never do it again!

Swings and roundabouts. 2.5 year age gap between first and what turned out to be second and third. A toddler followed by twins is hard work, but my twins get on so well with their big sister. I can't actually imagine having a bigger gap now, but when it was very tough at time I did feel slightly envious of those that left a bigger gap and had their eldest starting school as their second came along and then could commit all that time and energy on the newborn. That said, I don't think any of the children felt they weren't getting enough of my time/attention, and as I said they can share so much more by being close in age.

www.theparentsocial.com/what-is-the-ideal-sibling-age-gap/

I think any age gap is hard work. At the beginning it will be harder trying to juggle all the needs of having two kids that rely on you for everything. But think of the fun they can have together? Things like going to a theme park or birthday parties will be so much easier! The youngest won't have to sit and watch because they will both be able to do it!!!

14 months between our DS and DD, not planned obvs, but for us it worked. V hard work, intense baby toddler days, but by time they were going to preschool I started to get a bit of me back and working, now they are 7 & 8. They've always been the best of friends, of course wind each other up as siblings do, but I am so glad it happened this way for us. I am five years into running my own business and I could not have done that if they were not so close in age. Schools, friends, entertainment is all in line with each other. With no family nearby to help, their closeness makes our family life work really well :)

15 month gap here (unplanned) 18 month old and 3 month old - been a breeze so far, no jealously issues to worry about. I was dreading it but I'm finding it far easier than expected - both are very easy babies and sleep well though. I can't wait to watch them grow up together being so close! I think every age gap brings different challenges.

I found the pregnancy really difficult though, trying to run around after a toddler who had just discovered he can run, with a 9lb baby in your belly is no fun at all!

I have a few different age gaps.

DS1 is 17 years old
DD1 is 5 years old
DD2 is 6 months old and

I found out this morning I am pregnant again.

My DS is a wonderful boy who babysits and looks after his sisters but him and DD1 fight and bicker like crazy. DD1 is highly resentful of DD2 but I am hoping that once DD2 is able to play with her that might change.

Next baby......who knows but it will be a blast finding out.

I have a 3.5 yr gap between 1&2 and a 20m gap between 2&3. 1 is an August baby so 2 was only a few months old when 1 was off to school.
I found the smaller gap much better, wish I'd had them all closer. Preschool and school takes them off your hands for a few hours, but there's the pressure to be ready and out the door with packed lunch and reading done etc etc. I found that way more challenging than little ones together at home.