how difficult is it with two children close together?

[jessica3692]

That's all really please ladies.

I have a 9m and I would like another baby. I would like them to grow up together with 2yrs between give or take.

just wondering if I am committing myself to a life (or few years at least) of stress and 0 sleep etc.!

Thanks mamas!

I second needing 2 of everything when they're at a playing together stage - I've bought 2 of everything for Christmas!

Gaps of 23 months, 20 months and 24 months between mine... So clearly it worked for us the first time round!

One of the good things is that very quickly the elder one doesn't really remember what life was like before the sibling arrived, so I felt jealousy was reduced.

Like pp we have ended up with a lot of duplicates, esp for DC 2 and 3 as they are so close. But it is not a problem as there is still no 4 to hand them on to!

It is harder work but I think more than one child is hard work anyway, you might as well get it over with! It will all depend on whether you have access to the level of support you need (which is different for everybody, I was very self-sufficient) and the temperament of your DC!

Between two and three years seems quite a standard gap, and I think it actually has associated with it a few problems with things like sibling rivalry. Mostly though it's hard to plan too much. I have an accidental 16mth gap, my sister has a longer than she wanted 3 1/2 year gap. From the perspective of older children (my two are 15 and 16 now) I've found a shorter gap great. My two have always been really good friends and look out for each other at school, help with homework, share friends etc.

But when they were babies it was pretty hellish, mainly because dd (no2) was a non sleeping limpet and dh and me don't really like babies. Once they were both toddlers it's mostly been great. No need to police them (if anything dd pushed ds around, he's only very recently got bigger than her) and they shared their toys very happily right through. Same bedtimes, same activities, same school all much easier.

Weirdly I'd say the opposite about rivalry - DS1 has always been told to share everything with DS2 (and vice versa), so can be very defensive when his brother approaches because he just knows he's going to be told to share nicely. DS2 has responded the same way. Therefore we now have a modified system where the majority of items are communal but one or two firmly belong to just one child. It seems to have improved matters for the time being anyway.

22 months between DCs 1 and 2 here - I agree with whoever said that the first year was awful - DC1 wasn't in any form of childcare so it was just me and them for the first 14 months until DC1 got a place at preschool. Then things got better. Then I purposefully left a 3 year gap to have DC3 and that has worked out miles better!

DCs 1 and 2 are very close now though (6 & 4) and play together pretty well.

We are opposite, close ages so never had duplicates of anything, they just have to share what they have. I wouldn't by the same things to be in one house when they could have two different things and just share

4 dc here with approx 2 yr gaps, is very hard work with toddler and a baby but I think the hard work pays off is lovely to see my 3,5,&7 yr old play together and having a few friends with same gap but older dc's I've seen is great for them to be so close as they're growing up can look out for each other in school etc, and days out activities are good because they all like similar things because the age gap is smaller.

Eeep, this thread is scaring me a bit! I have twins who will be 26 months when number three comes along. I just didn't think I could go through all the baby stuff again once the twins were at school so we decided to have our third now. Please tell me it can't be as hard as having two babies to look after???

I had a 3 year gap then a 16 month gap. I would have preferred it the other way round. It meant I had a newborn and 16month and school run both ends of the day, interfering with nap times (= break).

With just the 16 month gap, would have been far easier. It didn't seem that hard, to be honest. I could still remember all from the last one, whereas 3 year gap, was surprised how much I'd 'forgotten'.

I think the only thing we had a duplicate of was cotbeds, oldest DC wasn't ready for a big bed when youngest moved out of the moses basket.

Another really good thing about a 2 year gap was having a second maternity leave when DS was 2-3 years old, that was a real bonus.

Who - ah see mine wouldn't leave our bed for around 3 years so one cot bed to share was plenty! ( for the teddies to use!)

Yeah I'll agree with the maternity leave bit is nice to be off with them when they're little and get through the potty training first days at nursery etc, my the dc's and dh love me being on mat leave but I think work are getting a bit pissed off with me now - 4 maternity leaves!
Tftpoo im sure a small age gap won't be as hard as looking after two newborns, you'll be fine - will be a breeze for you!!

5.5 year gap

then

14 month gap

then

24 month gap

14 month gap the best/easiest over the longer term and my favourite gap. 5.5 years way too big. TBH with the 4th dc they just slot in and get on with it so not sure it's a fair comment.

Well, both cotbeds were secondhand, about £20 each IIRC and sold on again for similar, so just the cost of new mattresses and some extra bedding. We've never co-slept on a regular basis, I'd never have got any sleep.

It's brilliant when they get older. Same after school activities, so no back and forth or competing activities. Can fit into same class/slots. Easier to get into stuff because otherwise leaders will have to reject 2 fees instead of just 1.

Needs are just so similar you're not making separate meals, going separate directions etc. Hand-me-down clothes don't have to be stored, just get passed directly etc.

11 mth gap here.
It is fine. A little chaotic at times, but I guess it was like having twins. ( a dbl buggy, nappy & feeding 2 at a time)
I was really afraid of not coping or miss managing my time so my middle child would miss out, but it worked out okay. Just got more organised

Same after school activities? I wish! Mine are 9 and 11 and do 5 things each, apart from back to back swimming lessons for a few years they've never done anything together. Virtually no overlap in food tastes either. And no hand me downs to speak of as they are different sexes.

Same tastes in days out and holidays though and have always had the same bedtimes, same expectations WRT chores etc.

I don't think its too difficult in handling another child. I thought the same but I had my second 1 year later exactly, once you pass the early weeks of total lack of sleep it is actually surprisingly easier than we imagine it. Somehow humans have this amazing ability to march on and get through the seemingly impossible. The difficult milestones as wee children will pass together ie sleep issues, potty training, teaching them to eat independently etc

Can you imagine leaving a huge gap and starting again with no sleep? I can imagine it because my last child is now 3, I thought I had finished, but no I will have another in a year. I am dreading having to go through all the motions again, the sleep deprivation is the worst part, and its normal for me to get by on 4 hrs I can do that easily but 2 hours with a newborn is enough to make me crazy.

I think you will be able to do it, the only problem will be the lack of sleep for you, so if youre not prepared for that get your child potty trained before you start with another that is the ideal life

I've got 17mths between mine, now 6 and 23 months. Other than neither of them sleeping particularly well and being permanently knackered, it's actually been lovely. They love each to bits, eldest keeps youngest thoroughly entertained, I just let the youngest get on with it etc.

We have no family or childcare though, and my husband works silly hours so the brunt at home is up to me. Husband and I sometimes barely talk before falling asleep, but we're hopeful that will improve!

Being pregnant with a toddler was a killer though, much easier having a toddler and newborn.

26 mo this between mine.
They play together wonderfully for 85% of the time. It's not massivley hard work, but then both mine sleep well. I would say it's pot luck, just like anything about having kids!!

11 month gap here. I dislike it, lets just say that!

I'm hoping as they get older it might get a bit easier and less relentless. Here's hoping.

5yrs1month between 1&2, 2years11months between 2&3. Give me the 5year gap any day! Dc1 was maturer and understood what was happening. Had time with dc2 whilst dc1 was at school then as he went to bed earlier I could have quality time with dc1. Was really hard having 2 little ones at home (dc2&3). And as for worries there is too bigger gap between 1&2 - well they are 11 and 6 now and currently playing minecraft together. They get on very well. Having a 3yr11month gap between dc3&4. Hopefully it's a good middle ground. I definitely wouldn't have a small gap.

My boys are 2.4 yrs apart and it's awesome. It was (and is) hard work but they are so close. They play with each other now non-stop, most of the time they are giggling like a bunch of loons....it's really, really lovely.

Worth every bit of hair I pulled out that first year and a bit.

DD was 22 months when we had twin DDs. It was hard work at first, but we got through it and it was bearable. Now they are almost 5 and 6, and its great! They play together for hours, have similar interest and genuinely enjoy each others company.
The last summer holiday was so easy, I was actually able to relax most days as the girls got on with it. I would definitely recommend having two close together but then again I can also see the merits of waiting until the older child is at school.

I haven children a year and 3 days apart. One is 2 and the other is 1, it is tiring but so worth it to see them together. If it's sleepless nights you're worried about then this is better as you will get all of that out of the way at once ?? Just try and get the eldest into a gd night routine before baby comes and you will be fine! Have faith in your abilities as a mummy xx