how difficult is it with two children close together?

[jessica3692]

That's all really please ladies.

I have a 9m and I would like another baby. I would like them to grow up together with 2yrs between give or take.

just wondering if I am committing myself to a life (or few years at least) of stress and 0 sleep etc.!

Thanks mamas!

We have a 22 month old and a 14 week old, so a 19 month gap. It's fine so far but (and it's a big'un) my babies both sleep, 10.30pm to 6am everyone in our house is asleep so everything else feels managable. It's not twice as hard as one.

The main difficulties I'm having are;
-Time to myself- this has always been hard as we have no childcare/nursery etc and very little family help so it's just me and them all day, five days a week.
-Time as a couple-'Again, we have no childcare so we don't get much time together. This will get a bit easier when dd has a proper bedtime as we don't really have evening together.
-Getting out- I take them to 2 toddler groups a week and we do walks around the village etc but any further afield is hard on my own. It would be easier if I could drive though.
-Splitting time- ds is still so young so he really needs me still-I can't just let him go play in a soft play centre whilst I feed dd so we're limited to where we can go during the day.

It's already lovely seeing ds and dd together. Ds adores dd and there's been no jealousy which might be worse if there was a wider gap??? One of the big benefits is ds still naps for 2 hours in the afternoon which he wouldn't if he were older.

We have some really nice days out as a family but sometimes the days home alone drag. Dd has been getting over tired so we've had a lot of crying in the evenings when ds needs his tea etc sorting out and that's been hard. I sometimes feel like I'm one d&v virus away from chaos.

legs agree I'm really happy there isn't a big age gap. It's so nice being able to go out and do things we all want to do and watch films we all want to watch.

Agree getting good sleepers also helps. Mine both slept through 6 till 6 with a bottle at 10 at 4 and 6 weeks old. I realise I was extremely lucky in this!

If any help I have a 13 and 14 year old boys - 18 month difference. Although first few years (sorry) went past in blur they have really made up for it now. They can both do loads of activities together (whilst I sit and read magazine!) eg swimming, park, cinema. and although both very different characters they miss each other when one goes to a friend on a sleep over. They did sort of grow up together - the eldest was very late potty training as wanted to go back to nappies when saw younger brother. Has also been very useful as only in different schools for one year so made the whole dropping at school easier. But I do remember being shattered for years so my sympathy for those in the middle of it all.

Ds is 2.10 and at a very impressionable age. He's taken becoming more babyfied since having dd who is 8 months to the extreme. I am currently weaning dd and ds has taken to scrunching up food in his hands, eating everything with his hands and throwing it on the floor! Probably wouldn't happen if ds was older.

But when I see them together and he a cuddling her and saying how much he loves her it makes it all worth worth and I love my age gap.

Swings and roundabouts

Not that I would change anything (and I am only very very new to having two children but there is 6 years between my dc (dd6 - ds6days) and this feels a lot more difficult than if there was a smaller gap (just my opinion). I had a emcs with my ds and I was in hosp 5 days my poor DD has been so overwhelmed by it all. I'm being run ragged as they both, obviously have different needs etc... If you have a 2 year gap you're pretty much I know, I know on a level playing field xx good luck

Both of mine are horrific sleepers so that clouds my view! I haven't had more than 4 hours sleep in a row for nearly 2 years and can't see it happening any time soon.

'Tis bloody hard work

BUT, this must is true :

cleoteacher Wed 21-Oct-15 19:49:02
I have friends who waited until dc1 was at school. Part of me is envious as it's just like having one baby again but at the same time to me that age gap is too big. Their interests are too different. I think just get through a couple of hard years and then they will play well together and be into the same thing. I hope!

My two are into the same thing and pay together better than other siblings we know who have a larger than ours. My dcs have 2.5 year between them

I had a 20 month gap, DD was a really easy baby, slept, eat well, happy but DS never slept, ate and was miserable unless I held him. Fast forward they are now 36 and 34 years old, still live at home and get on 80% of the time but then hate each other. DD says she wishes she was a only child, pity she couldn't tell us that when she was a baby !!!

Argh if my 2 are still living at home in 32 years I think I'll move out!

13 month gap, eldest now 40 months and youngest 27 months. First 9 months were hard, especially as eldest not walking when had a newborn and falling over every 5 minutes. Still had to help her eat, teething not over etc.

Now it's great they are super close and have been playing together for about a year now. You do need 2 of every toy, cup, book etc but otherwise ok.

DC3 due in 3 months and I'm worried how they will respond but at least they can walk without tripping over, they can talk, eldest can go to the loo on her own, and sort of get dressed.

Don't even bother potty training until they are asking to use the toilet. Your time will be so pushed you don't need to be wiping puddles off the floor and doing even more laundry. you get into a routine as they both eat and drink at the same time so do there BM match! Just end up doing it together one after other. This only works once weaning established.

I don't think having a larger gap is any easier or harder just different challenges. You don't have to get anyone to school on time, you Don't have a Toddler who has been the centre of your world and all the affection for 3-4 years. No little bits of Lego etc for baby to choke on etc. 2 of my friends admit they totally forgot how tough newborn and teething stages are, well you haven't and you will be a pro and not caught off guard!

Two year age gap with my DD. We added to the chaos with a big international move when DD2 was just 6 weeks. DH stayed home for a month during that time which I'm sure helped. We also got DD1 into nursery (she had been before, as I had been working pre DD2/move) so our days had some structure.
I think what helped us get through the very early days was having low expectations. Keeping us all fed/warm/alive DH had a short commute and was v hands on. Thing gradually got easier and we moved again when DDs were 2,8 and 0,8 to a lovely area with great neighbours/nursery so we started to relax and feel settled and happy.
DDs are now turning 7 and 5 and are incredibly close, loving sisters. I don't regret at all having a two year age gap. DD1 was never jealous or grumpy of her sister and we have always encouraged them to be do things together/help each other/share which they do now quite spontaneously.

2 years isn't a particularly small gap though is it? It's a fairly standard gap?

Yes, I know more families with two year gaps than all the other gaps put together, the waiting till the first has started school scenario is very rare here. I don't think 2 years is a small gap.

20 months between mine they are now 13 and 14, good points is that they are into similar things ,and that they go through the same stage together.

However that also means that they are now teens together, am currently reassuring myself that also means they will go away to college within a year of each other, don't know how much more huffing, eye rolling and complaints of how unfair and difficult their lives are, I can take !

13mo gap here. I maintain that being pregnant while looking after a baby is loads easier than being pregnant plus toddler, because baby is still relatively portable (not heavy) and presumably still naps a lot, and can't run off into the distance as easily. Also, when DC2 arrives you just need smaller nappies as everything else you need is still in household circulation.

It's bloody hard for the first 6 months but great after that, as DC2 can be temporarily placated with food instead of milk. Also, they entertain fight each other and generally benefit from each others company. Mine are 3.3 and 4.4 now - obviously they wind each other up and fight, but they'd also be lost without each other.

I'm rather pro-this sort of thing as you can see

Oh, and frazzled - been there!! I'm rediscovering 'me' now, so an end is in sight....

I must admit I hate it when they're pre verbal, so getting it all over with quickly was a massive plus!

La - the same here. Ds1 only started walking 6 weeks before ds2 was born so even then he was slow. He also still took two long naps a day way past when ds2 was born, so I had chance each day to also rest when both slept.

I agree with Grotbag - 2 years or between 2-3 seems to be the standard age gap.
I've got a 16 month gap, yes it's tiring but we enjoy it.
Like Grotbag sleep is an issue. Fortunately eldest sleep is okay (for now) but my large and beautiful four month old likes to feed several times at night still. So I have not had an uninterrupted night for over two years (due to pregnancy sleep issues as well).

BUT, because everything is so recent, I think I do appreciate that it passes really quickly so I am probably not as stressy about the sleep as most of the mums of other four months old I meet.
Also talking about babies' sleep bores me even more second time round.

But having said that, MN is the place to come for very good sleep advice. I just hate sitting in baby groups (not going to these much anyway but I am new in town so go out to socialise) and discussing sleep. Mainly because someone pipes up "mine sleeps from 10-6, I just couldn't cope if he woke up several times".
(And yes, I am envious!)

My gaps are 2.5 years and 3 years. I love the gaps we have. Kids are close enough in age to have same interests but the eldest was hitting nursery shortly after baby was born (more so with the 3 yr gap) that was a huge help.

20 months before my first 2 - first 12 months was a killer, now it's a lot more bother if you only have 1 to look after and has been like that since the littlest was about 18 months.

3 years between DC2 and DC3 and that's more tricky imo. DC1 and DC2 can't remember a time not being together, but can remember a time without DC3, so he has to fit in more.

However the logistics of being pregnant when you still have a baby are much much harder that being pregnant with a 2 year old who is starting to do things for themselves, and you can get out of nappies etc.

Also talking about babies' sleep bores me even more second time round

Haha so true. I'm quite confused in real life when people ask how my 4 month old sleeps. Rubbish, because she's a baby and babies aren't supposed to sleep all night!

I have a 16 month gap and it's been really hard work but now a year on its definitely getting easier . I've also just added a puppy into the mix so it can't be that bad

Grotbag, yes, yes!! Or, "is she good"?
Of course she's good, she's a baby!!

To add to other's comments, the small gap is helped by having another pair of hands at teatime (when my baby is often overtired and needing help for a short nap) and bedtime. But it can be done alone of course, just requires more juggling, judicious use of CBeebies, favourite books and less anxiety about the baby crying for a bit.

And I've just accepted that I haven't had an evening social life since DD1 was born, not being martyrish, that's life for me and the pattern of feeding that mine have. Just making sure I have friends whose children are the same age or older so I have folk to go out with when the time comes (ie they won't be knee-deep in nappies!)

Mine are 2 and 3.5 now and I don't and never have regretted the age gap. The hardest point was probably being heavily pregnant with a toddler. They play nicely together most of the time, youngest potty trained herself before she was 2, both generally good sleepers.

I did worry about feeding a baby with a toddler around but dd2 was a very efficient feeder and I bf her no problem for a year - had bought a sling but never used it.

If you have no previous experience of an age gap then you just get on with it and make it work for you!