Hello everybody. I am having a rubbish day and wondering if anyone has any similar experience to me.
I have a 7yo DD and needless to say I love her more than anything in the world. But it seems as though our relationship is already so complicated. The issues mainly stem around childcare I guess, although could be extended to her need for me generally, which if I am completely honest I sometimes find claustrophobic. I have always worked full time. I work because I want to and need to, financially. Having said that, I am lucky enough to work in a very flexible job, so although I work everyday, I am often able to drop my DD at school, and I pick her up at least once a week. I spent quite a lot of time at home over the summer too, for example.
Anyway, the point is that I feel (she makes me feel??) terribly guilty about leaving her. Until recently she was in wraparound care (with her brother) but I felt that was leading to a very long day for all of us, so we have now got a lovely au pair. But when I left for work this morning, she (my DD)was crying and terribly upset, leaving me also upset and our poor au pair not knowing what to do. This has been the same for years as childcare has always been an issue - no matter what solution I try, it's basically not OK as she makes clear that she wants to be with me.
The thing is, I feel guilty about this, but also if I'm honest a bit resentful and angry. I want to tell her that I am doing my best, and it's not fair for her to make me feel like this ... but I know she's only 7!! I feel as though our relationship is getting quite complex, and I want to nip it in the bud. But the trouble is, for her the only solution would be mummy not going to work and that's just not an option. Even having cut back the amount I have has had a profound impact on my career prospects. That's fine with me, but it would be difficult to do even less and stay in this job. Anyone else been here? Sorry this is long!