GRIEF OVER SEX SCAN RESULT

[snipersmum]

This might seem an extreme reaction, but yesterday I was told I would be having a girl, at my 20 wk scan. I started to cry uncontrollably, and feel so stupid and cross with myself. I have 2 boys already who are the light of my life, and my dream from a child was to be the mother of 3 boys. My DH feels the same and we feel as if we are grieving for the loss of a son we never had. I have quite complex reasons for being trepidacious of a girl, but know I should just be grateful baby is healthy. Honestly, has anyone else gone through this?

Thank you for the support and gentleness. Unfortunately we are in Germany (DH is in the army) so I have to wait to see a therapist under the dependants system, which is about 3 weeks away still. I am already on ADs, and without them I think I would be handling this much worse (what a mess, eh? ). Sorry if I was a bit defensive in my last - I had just picked up boys from nursery and had all the staff saying "oh how lovely... pink...barbie... nail painting....", which I politely tried to smile through. Sorry to keep banging on, but I am finding this thread very helpful.

Snipersmum, I am sure that with time you get through this, the big advantage is that you can prepare yourself now!
BTW, whereabouts in Germany are you? I am German, and met my dh, army, whilest he was posted in Celle, and the rest is history, lol!

We're in Bielefeld - are you in Germany now?

Oh Bielefeld, never been there,but know of some people that used to eb posted there, etc....!
And no, we are not in Germany anymore....haven't lived in Germany for almost 11 years now... am in "lovely" Corby

I think I thought I wanted dd to be a ds when I was pg. I didn't find out though as dp didn't want to know and I never told anyone... But I absolutely adore her and can't imagine my life without her now. I haven't read the whole thread but give yourself a break. She will be lovely and she will be yours. And who is to say you won't have 3 boys.... just not this time !

Always wanted little girls had a girl first time round, was sure i would have a little girl second time. Had a boy took 3 months to get use to him dont mean to sound ungreatful. Third time yet again i was sure i would have a girl found out the sex this time cried when it was a boy. Had him 9 weeks ago would not change my life for the world iam sure you will feel different when you see her. [SMILE]

Jinglebell, if you had read the thread you would have seen that hubby has had a vasectomy as soon as he found out I was pregnant with this one. so no, no more for me, and as it took me 3 months to bond with ds1, as I said earlier, I am not at all sure I will adore this child as soon as I see it.

I was sad when i found out baby #2 was a girl, but perhaps not to the level you are doing. I felt i'd cheated DS out of having a brother to grow up with. I never dared tell anyone as they all went overboard about how nice it was to have one of each! I think you are very brave to admit it.

But i also had huge worries about being able to love a second child, regardless of gender, said some terrible things at the time which i still haven't forgiven myself for.

Anyway i was diagnosed by the midwife as having ANTEnatal depression which i'd never heard of but is a recognized medical condition. i managed to get through it with counselling.

But the minute i delivered the depression went, just like that. I bonded with DD straight away and DS loves her.

She's not one of those pink and frilly ballet types either, i don't do girly tat! But she's beautiful and has made us all very happy. I really hope there's someone you can talk to who can get you through this

Oh I agree about the girly stuff. My friend was actually quite pleased to be having a girl after 2 boys but her daughter hasn't been seen in a skirt since the age of about 4, and when she isn't playing football and rugby for girls' teams she is out on her bmx. My own dd would run a mile if you suggested bringing anything 'Barbie' into the house!