Telling your child to shut up

[EthelDurant123]

Just witnessed a stressed out mother tell her boy of about 11 to shut up. I saw her do it at the bus stop and then again on the bus. I thought how humiliating for the boy and how unpleasant for the rest of us to hear it. Is it ever acceptable to tell a child to shut up (Be quiet being the softer option!)?

It's not nice but then people say things they probably shouldn't when they are stressed out.

I think an older child who has talked at you nonstop for hours even after you've said can you wait/please be quite/let me finish x and then we can talk etc then yes it is ok to say shut up in the vain hope that they may actually stop talking until you ate able to listen.

yes, if they haven't stopped interrupting after being politely asked to be quiet several times.

I do think of it as a bad thing to say and try to never say it, however it has happened (when my DC just will NOT shut up despite repeated begging!) Only a handful of times and usually when stressed in the car and they are yelling and shrieking in the back.

As a thing to say often and habitually/casually, no not good.

Always swore I would never say it, have said it a couple of times, when I've been so stressed. I hope it's not a huge disaster for my relationship with my son.

yy to snapping at back of the car mayhem.

I've done it, and would again, sometimes they go on and on and on, and they need to stop.
kids who waffle on incessantly and constantly are not endearing, they are draining.

I don't think it's harmful either in the context of a decent relationship with said child.

I've said it too and felt bad afterwards. It's not ideal certainly but I can also think of worse things a parent might say at the end of their tether.

It's not something we say, I wouldn't tell DH to shut up, except in jest, so I don't think it's right to say it to a child. As an effective one-off to a continually wittering 11yo, it probably packs quite a punch, it's people using it constantly that's really horrid.

DD gets up at 6am at the latest. She leaves for school at 8. In that time she talks constantly. Even with a toothbrush in her mouth.

She gets back at 3.30. She talks constantly until bed time at 7.

On a weekend she talks from 6am til 7pm. A constant stream of anything which passes through her brain. There is no filter. She even talks in her sleep.

So yes, sometimes, after telling her for the 100,000th time to just be quiet a minute I tell her to just shut up. It's not nice but sometimes for my own sanity it is necessary!

It happens. I've never done it but that's chance more than anything, my children don't play up much and I have a lot of patience/can run on little sleep etc.

People get frazzled and say unpleasant things to their children, it's unfortunate but not the end of the world. I've heard people say much worse to their kids...

There, but for the grace of Whoever, go YOU, OP! You cannot put yourself in this woman's place, so you do not know how you would react in those circumstances.

No, that's a horrible way to speak to anyone.

I will say "Quiet" or "Enough" in a very firm tone but never, ever "Shut up".

None of us are perfect

It depends on tone. I can't imagine mine being too distressed at one of my world weary 'shut uuppp!s'

did he shut up?

I say it all the time.
Along with every other request for quietness:
Will you please be quiet
Quiet please
Can you keep it down please
Quiet boys
Will you please shut it
Will you please shut up

I say 15/20 other similar things.

Depends on the tone.

Glen

That made me laugh, you could be describing my DD, right down to the hours she keeps.

Yes I have said "shut up" on occasion when polite calls for a bit of quiet (or at least use of the "indoor voice") have been ignored.

I've said to mine but generally when they've been going on and on and on and on and been asked to be quiet or tell me later several times

I agree with most people on here. I have said it when stressed as this lady was also. She could have had bad news or just had enough. No one knows, and just needed some quiet.could have been worse

I dont think shut up is acceptable to any child. We all have bad days but it is a mistake to use terms like shut up. The parent does not seem in control at that point to me, it is a real low point to be speaking to a child that way when there are a hundred different ways you could deal with it in a better way. Almost everyone has said it in the heat of the moment to their child I am sure, hence the avalanche of support on here ~ but saying that to a child in public is not on at all.

Or should I say speaking to a child like that public or not, is not on at all. It really isn't. It will crucify their self confidence and self respect.