Sitting here sobbing like an idiot

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

I am having the worst day I have ever had with ds1 and ds2. I had a really good normal morning at toddler group with ds2 and ds1 came out of preschool OK and fine. But as soon as I got them home they just started, I can't explain it, they pulled all the ironing all over the floor, they have shredded books all over the living room, they broke their sandwiches into crumbs and threw it everywhere, they laughed and said "No!" when I told them to stop it, ds1 wouldn't go to the toilet, ds2 wouldn't have his nappy changed, I just can't control them today and I feel so stupid and angry and horrible. I lifted ds1 up to try and carry him upstairs to the toilet before lunch (he was hanging off me and refusing to take any weight or walk) and he was thrashing about so much he smacked his head on the doorframe , I would never hurt him intentionally but I feel like a murderer, I could just howl.I have lost my temper and shouted at them, which I really really hate doing, and I thnk I really frightened ds2, one minute he was laughing at me and shouting over me and the next minute he was crying . They usually have a "quiet playtime" in their room after lunch, ds2 usually naps and ds1 can either nap or play quietly) and they just would not, they were jumping on their beds, throwing boxes of toys around, pulling all the clothes out of the wardrobe and ripping up books, and screaming and calling me names , I just feel as though they hate me and I am the world's worst mother. .

Please don't give me the spiel about them only being little (they are 4 and 2), I know they are only little and I know I shouldn't have lost my temper and shouted at them, I feel horrible about it. The house is a shithole, I have got the huge mess they made with their lunch/pens/ripping stuff up to clean up, they ahve deliberately smeared mud and food all over the carpet, and I have had virtually no sleep and I have got a splitting headache, I am sitting here sobbing like a fucking baby and I can't pull myself together

god we have ALL had days like this

when does your dp/dh get home? can he help you sort out the mess and just wait until then?

I rarely shout/lose temper but occasionally have what dh calls a 'council flat' moment and like you feel shit afterwards.

Poor greeny! What a crap day. Did someone slip something high sugar into the drinks at nursery? It sounds like one is egging the other on too.
I've got no advice I'm afraid - my DS is only 1 and is just content with smacking me round the head with the tv remote at the minute. But (((HUGS))).
When does your DP/DH get home?

Sod the housework, put the kettle on, have a cup of tea and several biscuits. Put on a video, and leave them to it for a while.

((((((hugs)))))) greeny.

can anyone pop round and give you a break..at least to have a cup of tea and gather yourself .....

it does get better... but that is no help now is it.....x

oh greeny
can you get dh to come home early?
forget about the mess.
I would just LEAVE THE HOUSE go somewhere else, it doesn't really matter where. go to the park or take a football to the beach or something.
you are not a bad mother - you know what a bad mother is and you are NOT IT. you are a GREAT mother you are just having a difficult day. you are doing an amazing job.
hugshugshugs

sounds like a bad bad day!maybe you shouldnt have lost your temper but youre only human,we all do it(i do anyway!),they wont hate you and i dont know you but im sure youre not the worlds worst mother!if you were you wouldnt care about how they felt!leave the mess for a minute,it'l still be there.is there anyone you can call to come round for a cuppa?dont tidy for them but they'll take your mind of things and your lo's will be distracted.ive probably talked rubbish!but thats what i try to do on bad days or walk even in rain!

When I've let rip at dd. I always go back (when calmer) apologise for shouting, and explain why I did.

eg." I was very cross because you did X,Y,Z. You know that's naughty, don't you?

Yes, they're only kids, but the 4 year old at least is able to understand that his actions have consequences.

I wish I could come right now but I have dd2s birthday party this afternoon.
can I come tomorrow or Wednesday?
or can you come here

Message withdrawn

You poor thing - the lack of sleep is making the awful into a nightmare for you.
Pop a video on for them, a bowl of choc buttons/whatever to keep them happy for ten mins and give yourself a break! Mug of hot choc and a pile of hob nobs required! Sending you a virtual choc bar as I type.
Keep them awake, stay sane for another hour, early tea, bath and bed then you can relax and wind down with a well earned break.
Tomorrow will be better xx

Oh greeny. Big big hug.
You are a fab fabby fantastic mother, you really really are.
Got to go back to work now but I'm thinking of you. Thank you for your lovely email, will be in touch tonight.

I would second the advice to get them outside if you can bear it.
Don't have anything else useful to say but wanted to respond because you were bloody marvellous to me when I was having a really shitty time a while back.
Go easy on yourself.
They do not hate you and you are NOT a bad mother,'k?

Same as everyone else just go out for a walk leave the boys run riot in the park and get all their energy out

I promise by tonight this feeling will have passed and youll be fine

and at you going to harpsis house

I have calmed down a bit now , have equipped myself with a huge hunk of bread and peanut butter and cup of coffee. The boys are upstairs and are quiet-ish, although there are some banging noises which I am choosing to ignore.

I don't know what happened, it was as though they were possessed or something - they are no angels but they never behave this badly, it was really out of character. I think I might ask ds1's preschool teacher what they have been giving him, I think it was his impetus and ds2 was just following him.

I feel very bad about him banging his head though, I know it was an accident but it still shouldn't have happened, and I am worried that he will associate it with him having a tantrum and think I hurt him on purpose

HC, I have my dad turning up tomorrow [yippee] and have to meet him and "entertain" him for a few days, so I won't be free Thanks though, it is very kind of you, it is a very long way!!I am coming to the meetup though (if I haven't stuck my head in the oven by then) are you?

I am going to hit them where it hurts and tell them that we won't be able to go to the allotment tonight because Mummy has got a headache from all the shouting. Is that cruel? I want to be a nice gentle child-centred, non-threatening attachment parent, but the bloody kids just don't always do what it says on the tin [tearing hair out emoticon]

Actually, I can't even stick my head in the oven because it's broken

Greeny , my sympathies. I think there are a fair few of us today having a tough time of it for various reasons, (see my thread and misdee too). I too am looking forward to Saturday. Can't remeber the last time I had a big night out.

oh Greeny - have you got something for your headache (nurofen something like that)?

The head banging was not your fault - I can't even remember how many times ds did that to himself thrashing about - I'm sure it's very common!

If you don't want to go to the allotment, don't go to the allotment. Tell them you have a headache and don't feel up to it - have you got a garden for them to go out into?

Are you not sleeping well (re your no sleep thing)?

Hello G

I'm a SAHM with 1 toddling DS who bounced off the walls just about all w/end. I rarely say this about him but frankly - he did my chuffing head in.

Do as others have said and give yourself a bit of head-space. Getting them out and about is a good idea. However, I think they should also help you tidy up the mess they've made.

I'd feel exactly like you are in the same situation cos I give-give-give attention/space/whatever to DS all the time but when I get angry/upset, I make sure he knows why. Hence my saying they should halp you tidy up.

xx.

PS - DS has done that thrash-around-and-hurt-yourself-in-the-process thing a few times and it's awful, I know but...don't beat yourself up about it. xx.

Oh you are having a matching day aren't you? If it helps preschool-wise, I realised during halfterm that DD was better when she wasn't drinking squash (has it instead of milk at preschool) - started taking in juice for her and she is a different child (not fixed the baby dropping obv )

Flamesparrow, it makes me feel instantly better not to be the only one - I feel like such a rotten bullying bitch, shouting at small children because I couldn't keep my temper. And it actually scares me that when push comes to shove I can't control them, they just say "No", and I can't do anything - I hate shouting, I won't smack, they laugh at everything else. Most of the time we're fine and I don't need to force them, but then there are times like this... Aaarrrgh!

Whenever ds decides to miss his nap i know it is going to be A Bad Day, with Shouting. Nap time is a a little oasis of calm in a hectic day and i am always gutted on the rare occassions when he just won't have one. much sympathies

There must be something in the air today - I have cried so much today that my little monster covered me in kisses, brought me a cup of 'tea', and said she was always going to be a good girl. Think my little tantrum maybe got through?!
Echo what everyone else said - you are, I'm sure ,a great mum, so give yourself a bit of leeway for being human! Think you're right about the allotment - they need to know the consequences of goiung bonkers - unless the fresh air would do you all good?!
The headbanging thing has happened to us all...

I tried to start a "quiet time" at the start of term... it turned into 20 mins of "please let me out mummy" from DD behind the stairgate

JUst had "Why you crying mummy? I luggle you and make you feel huge happy"... she's only little, she should have to worry about cuddling me to make me stop crying

You're right though, it does help to know we're both mad together

Poor you. Have they helped you tidy it all up?

I also think, for your own peace of mind and so that you feel in control, you should think how you will manage behaviour like this the next time it happens.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for all the posts on this thread - it's the feeling of being surrounded by other women who know how it feels, it makes all the difference. Thanks everyone [slightly weak ]