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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I mean for not giving DD the bedroom she wanted?!

124 replies

blushingmare · 03/05/2015 23:51

DD is 3. I have just redecorated her room. When we were talking about doing it she said she wanted it to be purple. Now, I wasn't too keen on it being very purple and didn't want overly girly wallpaper. So I've gone for a (I think!) very lovely grey wallpaper with white stars on one wall (this one www.gltc.co.uk/wallpaper/gltc-wallpaper-grey-star/gltc/fcp-product/10003400 ) white walls and have painted the woodwork very pale lilac. I'm planning to accessorise with a purple rug, cushions etc and have bought her an elephant duvet cover as elephants are the animal of the moment.

When she saw it today (just empty room with no accessories etc, she burst into tears - "I wanted a purple bedroom!!" Now I know she's 3 and prone to emotional outbursts, but I must admit I feel a bit mean now. I mean, I think her room is lovely - very classy and understated, but I don't think she shares this subtlety! Have I been a bit of a meany?!

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SpiritOfTheRitz · 04/05/2015 19:09

I agree with keeping the expensive things neutral... but surely rugs, cushions, bedcovers and prints are more expensive than a couple of cans of paint?

I spent about £25 on paint for my daughter's bedroom. (admittedly it isn't a huge room, but it's not tiny either.) You could easily spend more than that on one bedcover or lampshade.

SoupDragon · 04/05/2015 19:12

She doesn't have a grey bedroom.

SoupDragon · 04/05/2015 19:14

£25 on paint and hours of faffing about emptying the room, prepping the walls, painting them, giving them a second coat, airing the room and then putting everything back...

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HerRoyalNotness · 04/05/2015 19:19

Depends on your hourly rate I guess. Considering we move so often and I generally have to paint a whole house myself as we are too tight to spend the money on a painter/decorator, no I'm not going to repaint a childs' bedroom when they fancy.

Then there is the inevitable, I hate purple now, now I want teal, or red, or yellow, or orange. The other removable bits in a room can be sold on, and replaced from FB selling pages or ebay for eg.

Lweji · 04/05/2015 19:21

I can only assume that some posters missed that part where the OP said there are lots and lots of accessories in the DDs chosen colour.

I can only assume you missed the part where the OP said there WILL be lots and lots of accessories in the DD's chosen colour. But NOT YET...

Not at the time DD saw the room. With white walls and a grey wallpaper with stars.

strawberrypenguin · 04/05/2015 19:24

Yep, but mean I think op. If you weren't going to listen to her then why ask? I'd re-do the white Walls in purple but keep the starry wallpaper (which does sound lovely)

Lweji · 04/05/2015 19:24

The grey is nice - it will adapt with age,

Not with the white stars it won't. It is a child style design and a boring one at that.

SpiritOfTheRitz · 04/05/2015 19:27

TBH if my DDs change their minds, tough, I won't paint it again. Or at least not until a few years has elapsed.

But I wouldn't replace any accessories either. That would be even more tough, frankly.

So maybe I am actually the meanest one on the thread

gamerchick · 04/05/2015 19:33

Tbh after reading all the snottynosed horribleness On that other thread yesterday over the Disney picture (which tbh I thought last night that this was connected too in some way) I Would decorate the room the way she wants it... Let her have imagination for as long as possible as you're supposed to squash that imagination when you get your own place

Flossieflower01 · 04/05/2015 19:37

Just paint it purple! It's not your room. And i say that as someone who's child has one black wall, a black ceiling and three bright orange walls- not my taste at all but it's their room so they get to choose!

Original poster

blushingmare · 04/05/2015 22:53

I guess I asked for most of the comments on here and it sounds like I have been a bit mean, but quite frankly I can't face painting it again.

To those of you who said why didn't I show it to her when it was finished, with accessories etc, well it's just not possible to get a room ready in that kind of timeframe - it's not DIY SOS! I've decorated DD's room myself, whilst coordinating it with looking after her and her 1yo brother, working part time and coordinating a major building project for the rest of the house. It's taken me the best part of three weeks to get it done because I'm just doing bits to it whenever I get a moment - which isn't often. I just haven't had time to get the finishing touches for her room, but I will. We're not even living there at the moment, so I thought I could keep her out of her room til it was finished, but of course when I had to pop in the other day to meet the builders she wanted to go up to her own room.

I think the other thing is that it's a sudden realisation that she turns 3 next month and she's really not a baby anymore and she really does know her own mind - and remember stuff! You get so used to just doing making the decisions for them when they're really little, then it creeps up on you that they want to make them for themselves! I guess I hadn't fully recognised that in her before now.

TBH, we were over there again today and she actually noticed the "purple" skirtings and door and really liked them and was pretty pleased with her purple and elephanty bedding, so I think what some PPs have said about once it's finished she'll like it is probably right.

Just need to find a giant purple elephant soft toy to really win her over.....

OP posts:

FourFlapjacksPlease · 04/05/2015 23:06

Good grief. I am amazed by how many of you think 3 year olds should be able to choose the decor of their bedrooms, and that the OP should re-do the room!

My DC's are welcome to express an opinion, but they don't get to decide how I spend my money. If I let them choose their bedroom decoration I would have been repainting every 6 months in line with their ever changing taste. I listen to them (and will happily compromise to find something we both like) but if I don't think it will stand the test of time, or indeed if I just don't like it - they don't get it. I don't think this is mean or unreasonable. They have their whole adult lives to decide how to decorate their bedrooms!

Don't stress OP. You won't have scarred her for life!

WiggleGinger · 04/05/2015 23:28

I really like that wallpaper
BUT I'd be unclined to paint the other three walls a pale labender. It will actually work!
My suggestion is get some paint cards, choose day three you would be happy with & present them to your DD, let HER choose the actual shade of 'purple'
It's gonna cost you £20 but it will be worth it!

FourFlapjacksPlease · 04/05/2015 23:50

But why should OP do that? What will happen to her DD if she has a room with purple accessories rather than purple walls? The world won't stop turning. Her DD is 3. Most 3 year olds have the attention span of a goldfish.

I think its a bit nuts to pander to crying 3 year olds over things being the wrong colour. Whether that thing is walls or a breakfast bowl. Just distract her with one of your cool elephant accessories and move on.

Bahh · 05/05/2015 01:56

I'm a big meany too then, because I think that wallpaper is beautiful and I would have done the same as you!

She's 3, she'll forget about it in a day or two and love the purple accessories as they arrive. Don't beat yourself up about it OP.

Littlemonstersrule · 05/05/2015 07:23

I am surprised so many don't allow their children to choose their room decor, it's just paint and would need a fresh coat anyway every couple of years as it bleaches and gets marked etc.

Yes they can chose when an adult but childhood is the time to do the fun things like bright colours and tv characters, fairies, cars etc.

Stylish understated rooms are not fun or liked by young children.

ChoudeBruxelles · 05/05/2015 07:32

Ds wanted orange so he has one wall in bright tangerine.

merlehaggard · 05/05/2015 07:45

I love the wall paper and would have struggled with purple walls. I suppose I would have just reached a compromise - though easy to say because me kids are now between 4 and 20 so I'm well used to negotiating. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same when my eldest was that age. I'm sure you can make it purple enough with accessories without having to paint walls. My kids always like a coloured throw/blanket across their bed to bring out a colour.

Raedd1234 · 25/05/2015 23:49

I'm afraid I agree with the majority here. I'm sure it looks lovely and I can actually imagine it looking a lot better than a purple room would have. However, when ds3 was having his room done, I let him choose what he wanted and I stuck to it. It's his room, it won't get re decorated for a while now so he needs to feel like it's his space, not mine.

Portobelly · 27/05/2015 23:19

My mum did this to me, and 35 years later I still remember.

Portobelly · 27/05/2015 23:22

The problem wasn't you deciding what to do, it was telling your daughter she could choose.
And then ignoring her wishes

CrabbyTheCrabster · 27/05/2015 23:38

We have this big, deep pile, very comfy, deep purple rug from Ikea. Gorgeous vivid colour. Only £50. That might satisfy her desire for purple.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 27/05/2015 23:38

It's in my DD's purple room, btw, and she loves it.

Littlef00t · 31/05/2015 12:58

Op, presuming the room is finished now. Would you mind sharing with us how your dd feels about it now?

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