Am I mean for not giving DD the bedroom she wanted?!

[blushingmare]

DD is 3. I have just redecorated her room. When we were talking about doing it she said she wanted it to be purple. Now, I wasn't too keen on it being very purple and didn't want overly girly wallpaper. So I've gone for a (I think!) very lovely grey wallpaper with white stars on one wall (this one www.gltc.co.uk/wallpaper/gltc-wallpaper-grey-star/gltc/fcp-product/10003400 ) white walls and have painted the woodwork very pale lilac. I'm planning to accessorise with a purple rug, cushions etc and have bought her an elephant duvet cover as elephants are the animal of the moment.

When she saw it today (just empty room with no accessories etc, she burst into tears - "I wanted a purple bedroom!!" Now I know she's 3 and prone to emotional outbursts, but I must admit I feel a bit mean now. I mean, I think her room is lovely - very classy and understated, but I don't think she shares this subtlety! Have I been a bit of a meany?!

Yes I would have just done the one wall purple.

Homebase jazzberry is a nice purple

Dd2 wanted a purple room. It's lovely laura Ashley pale lilac and cream AND met her requirements.

I have to agree with everyone else. Just paint one wall purple, keep your stupid wallpaper and remind yourself it's not your room every time you go in it.

We lived with the most brightest yellow for years in DC2's room as they just really really loved yellow. Their room is now grey but you can't tell as it's covered from floor to ceiling in posters. It's THEIR room!

As has been said, it's asking her what she wanted but deciding not to give her it that's created the problem. I'd do the white walls purple. You can easily go back to white later. Plus purple will hide scuffs from toys hitting the wall etc better.

I like the wallpaper.

White walls are a bit cold. Lilac would be nicer and it would go ok with the grey and white paper.

I wouldn't let my 3 year old choose the colour of his walls tbh. I would have just painted them the colour I wanted. BUT I wouldn't have asked him what he wanted and then completely ignored what he said. I would have asked him what room he wanted and then done it with accessories only.

I think if you had shown her the room with accessories she probably wouldn't even have noticed the walls, it's just because it was empty.

With purple bedding, curtains, lamp/fairy lights, rug, cushions and maybe some wall stickers it will be a 'purple' room and she'll be ok with it.

'very classy and understated' when describing something for a 3 year old does make me want to be sick on my shoes. It's the age to like glitter and bright colours and plastic tat and Disney characters and all that shite.

DS3 aged 6 years got his room painted by me and his aunt. It is the brightest green imaginable. It is not what I would have chosen but he loves it and actually it is magnificent.

In the last year his taste has changed and green is now his second favourite colour. I told him there is no way we are repainting but we have gradually changed bed linen and some storage to shocking pink. It looks great.

I reckon it is classy (although maybe the disco balls are OTT) but never understated.

yes it was mean. to ask a child what they want then blatantly do the opposite. I just spent 60 quid on replacing one wall for our 3yr old on something she will outgrow at some point but she loves it. It would be easier and cheaper to paint it but I know this would maker her happy.

Does your DD like elephants btw or was it a fashion choice of yours?

Thanks. Feel really shit now. I guess what I was thinking is her "favourite" colour would change quickly and the grey is neutral so would be easier and cheaper to change the colour of accessories than the wallpaper. (and to the PPs kindly remarking on the expensive horrible paper, I got it half price) I've got her purple paper lanterns to hang from the ceiling, purple elephant wall stickers and am in the process of making her a purple elephant felt garland (and in answer to a pp, elephants are her choice, although admittedly the stars weren't). Was planning to get her a purple fluffy rug as well. I know ideally I'd present the room as the finished article with all the accessories in it, but it's just not possible to do it all at once so she had to see it in its unfinished state.

I do feel really guilty now though - I just hadn't realised how set she was on purple wallpaper. Fail

Perhaps get some cheap purple paper and do one wall?
You really can't ask a child what they want and then do something else.
Tasteful is not something that matters in a small child's room. It should be fun. It should be their space.

I agree with doing the one wall purple. There are some lovely shades

Fwiw I like the wallpaper, and the accessories you have in planned sound fab.

I would never asked my Dcs what they wanted in their bedroom at that age.
I also wouldn't see it a problem to tell a 3yo no, the bedroom is NOT going to be purple. There is no way that they can really evaluate how nice the bedroom will look or not.
What I would have done is to tell her in advance about it so it wasn't a discovery once you have finished decorating.

What I do believe is that colours have an effect in the mood of the child. You don't want a bright red colour in a bedroom where the child is supposed to relax and fall asleep.
And also the fact that Children have taste that change quickly so neutral us best (as you said, you can accessorise if you want).
There is no way I would have done a pure bedroom for a 3yo just because they 'wanted it'

Please don't feel shit. It sounds like you are putting masses of effort in and really love your DD.
I have a 3 yr old and she changes her mind from one minute to the next, about everything- food, clothes, books, where to go etc so I think giving her her favourite colour in accessories that can be changed is perfect!
She also lives in a plain white bedroom and I have never considered painting it or buying smart accessories, she seems happy enough. Put a few posters up of her favourite things and she'll love it.

Mine wanted a pink bedroom, I did one wall in designers guild pink candy stripe paper. The whole room like that would be migraine inducing.
The issue here is that you asked her what she wanted and then did something else. The grey wallpaper is dreary, it
cost you 12.50 a roll can you strip it and start again?

My DS2 wants an orange bedroom. Consider yourself lucky she only wanted purple.

FWIW my DD asked for a pink bedroom at the age of 5. She was thinking Barbie pink. She got pale pink. At the time she didn't like it as it wasn't what she was imagining. However, the other day (she is now 14yo) she did say she was pleased I had used the paler pink as she thought it was better when she got older. (Her room is currently aqua blue now).

Classy and understated just shouldn't be in the same sentence as a three year old.

I don't really see the point in why you asked her what room she wanted if you were going to ignore her choice anyway?

I'd also of showed her room when there was some purple stuff in it, a three year old is unlikely to be able to visualise a room!

So yeah I'd say you've been a bit of a meany.

You shouldn't really have asked what she wanted if you were just going to get what you wanted. I suppose a 3 year old can be easily talked round though if you try. Maybe one bright purple wall??

Just paint over the wallpaper. Maybe use two different shades of purple- and let her be involved and chose the shades. Just don't complain if she chooses a virulent purple instead of a tasteful lilac.
Grey is very dreary and not a great choice for a child. I'm sure the accessories are lovely, but the grey is going to dominate the room because it is everywhere. And depending on the way your windows face it could make the whole room look very cold and unwelcoming.

Paint is cheap so just go for it.

Children's bedrooms aren't usually havens of adult taste and style

Ah you meanie get some purple paint!

FWIW I didn't actually ask her what colour she wanted. She was with me when I was buying paint for the hall and she picked out a tester pot of bright purple and said "I'd like my bedroom this colour!" But yes, I know the principle applies, that she expressed a preference that I ignored. Well, actually not entirely ignored, because she is getting purple stuff in her room, just not purple walls. Sigh.

No person ever changes their favourite colour to "grey"... Especially a child. YABU for that.

Personally, I'd never ask my 3 year old's advice about how to decorate their bedroom. That's madness. My 3 year old would ask for a hotchpotch of superheros, train faces and the colour green. No way.

Has she actually seen the purple accessories?

I love that wallpaper! Then again I'm not 3 I suppose. I think the room you've planned sounds lovely and it makes sense to keep the basics of the room neutral then it's easy to update later when their tastes change as they inevitably will.

That said I don't think there's much point trying to impose adult tastes on a child. My DD had her room decorated for her birthday a few years back, I thought she loved it but can see now that I took her ideas and interpreted them my way .

I recently gave in and said OK it's your room, do what you want with it (not crossly, just accepting that she's getting older and knows her own mind). We haven't redecorated but every available inch of wall space is covered in posters, there are things hanging from the ceiling, scarves pinned up, tat accessories on every surface and you can't move for cushions. It's so far removed from my idea of a tasteful preteen room but I've found that I actually love it - you walk in and just know that it's DD's room - everything in there expresses her - song lyrics, quotes, photos, drawings, mementoes.

It's messy, cluttered and nothing like the carefully designed, stylish room I can see in my head but DD loves it and it's her space. I've come to realise that at nearly 13 she may only be living here for 5 or 6 more years and I want her to be happy with her room even if her idea of how it should look is very different from mine.

I know your DD is only 3 but it goes so fast, maybe worth giving into what she'd really like and being glad it's only one room that you can close the door on :).