Am I mean for not giving DD the bedroom she wanted?!

[blushingmare]

DD is 3. I have just redecorated her room. When we were talking about doing it she said she wanted it to be purple. Now, I wasn't too keen on it being very purple and didn't want overly girly wallpaper. So I've gone for a (I think!) very lovely grey wallpaper with white stars on one wall (this one www.gltc.co.uk/wallpaper/gltc-wallpaper-grey-star/gltc/fcp-product/10003400 ) white walls and have painted the woodwork very pale lilac. I'm planning to accessorise with a purple rug, cushions etc and have bought her an elephant duvet cover as elephants are the animal of the moment.

When she saw it today (just empty room with no accessories etc, she burst into tears - "I wanted a purple bedroom!!" Now I know she's 3 and prone to emotional outbursts, but I must admit I feel a bit mean now. I mean, I think her room is lovely - very classy and understated, but I don't think she shares this subtlety! Have I been a bit of a meany?!

I love the subtle boasting on here, "I got dd DESIGNERS' GUILD pink candy stripe wallpaper," "We used LAURA ASHLEY lilac paint," - not just any old wallpaper and paint, you know .

OP, don't feel bad. Just get the purple accessories, she'll love it. I think lilac walls with white woodwork would look better, but I'm not keen on coloured woodwork.

If she's anything like my dc were at that age then she'll not spend much time in there anyway, apart from sleeping. Mine wanted to play downstairs at age 3, near to me and I could keep an eye on them.

Op, Google 'elephant and castle' wallpaper by designers guild , purple elephants very sweet. Only need one roll to do a wall.

I love that wallpaper Blush. I think her room will look lovely when finished.

My two have just had their rooms painted. I can't say I care for their colour choices but they adore their rooms because they got to choose.

DD at 3yo wanted a purple bedroom. It's a rented house so I've got to paint it all white again before we leave but I painted her room purple because it's her space where she gets to assert some independence and chose colours and decorations etc. I didn't bother cutting in properly due to the whole putting it back when moving out thing, but she doesn't care or notice. She loves it and at 4 yo still regularly says "thank you for my lovely walls mummy". She's got one white wall still, which we decorated with castle and fairy wall stickers with sky trains going through the clouds above. Paint is cheap. If she goes off it in three years time and wants a yellow room it's not a huge ordeal to change it surely? Wall paper is more of a faff, I'd never wallpaper a kids room just because it's such an effort to change.

I would have done the same as you - you have to live with it too and your accessories etc sound lovely. Bet she will love it when its done. As much as 3 year olds like to be in charge they don't actually know as much as you and will be very relieved (after initial disappointment) when you make much smarter decisions than them. It will be so much easier to change colour schemes - you are not mean in my book you are doing a lovely thing for your dd.

Get theeself to B&Q sharpish for purple paint. Dont ask littlies what they want if you are not prepared to follow it through. My eldest has just had her bedroom painted "like the sea mummy" its bloody awful (but she loves it)

Poor child, who at three wants classy and understated. Why bother asking her if you weren't going to give her any say anyway.

Purple is nice and paint is easily covered when she outgrows it. It's her room, why on earth should she not pick the decor.

Before you repaint anything... Put in your purple accessories and wall stickers and see if she's happy with it.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say, especially if you didn't actually ask your DD what colour she wanted, you're not being mean.
I was brought up with the phrase "I want doesn't get" and I think it's very healthy for a child to learn they cannot have things their own way all the time.
I also spent my childhood in houses we either couldn't afford or weren't allowed (rented) to decorate, so for me the notion of choosing how your bedroom looks seems a massive luxury for a child, especially a three year old!

I do agree with letting her choose some purple bed covers or something if she's upset, but don't beat yourself up for being some kind of awful mum, last time I looked no one calls SS for grey wallpaper...

Just paint the white walls something between lilac and purple

My mum let me choose what colour bedroom I had when I was her age. I loved my yellow walls with red accessories! Hideous when I look back but am v grateful she gave me some ownership of it.

Don't worry, just put the purple things in and she'll be happy as Larry! No need to redecorate.

We have had various colours over the years and characters but have always gone with them as its not our room.

A childs bedroom doesn't have to be tasteful, it's a childs imagination and playroom.

Perpetual, she did Ask her child what colour she wanted, child said purple. So you think 'I want never gets' applies and she should therefore not have purple? What logic is that? Ask your child what they want so you can tell them they can't have it?!

There aren't actually that many things that a 3 year old gets a say in, IMO. They tend to have to roll with what we want, most of the time.
So things like how they want their room could be somewhere where they do get a say.
No one else will see it.
When my sis and I shared a room when we were little, we each wanted a different colour paint.
So our folks painted it half and half- and the colours are not ones that go!
My mum was a typical Irish Mammy, handy with the wooden spoon, like all irish Mammies, but even she was up for this!
I think you should have gone for purple in the first place, but agree that you should finish the room and then see what she says.

My dd wanted pink. I chose two tasteful pinks for the walls, though she would have liked brighter. Then everything in it (bar the carpet) is some other shade of pink. It's totally mad (imo), so the walls calm it down. She has got to sleep in there as well.
Finish the room off and then ask her again.

I would probably have done it purple - but you still can paint up to 3 of the walls purple if you choose to. Or if not, I'm sure it will look lovely with lots of purple accessories.

My 3 year old daughter chose a colour which I think was called Mango madness or Tangerine tango or something like that for her bedroom. It is not what I have chosen, it's very bold .
But paint isn't that expensive, it can be painted over if she decides she doesn't like it.

I still don't like it much - I would have gone for a soft green -, but it does have a lovely cosy glow on winter evenings. And she often remarks how much she loves it.

Heels99, OP said: FWIW I didn't actually ask her what she wanted

We'll be doing DS1's room shortly. He will want claret and blue walls. Fine by me, I don't have to sleep in there.

It won't be at all classy or understated. I get the rest of the house to play with if I want that!

Ha Ha This reminds me of when our eldest DD was a similar age and wanted a pink room. Like you OP I wanted something more tasteful, that could grow with her as she got older and so I chose lilac and accessorised with lots of bright pink & some bang on the door decals to give the required level of tastelessness

All went well..ish until the evening I discovered hand prints on the wall in lipstick. I told you I wanted a pink room she shouted at me.

so my warning to you OP is to hide any purple make up you might have... just in case your DD also decides to take matters into her own hands.

Christ alive you've had some bonkers responses here OP. Hat happens when these posters' kids decide next week their favourite colour is green.

My DS has had two bedrooms, I picked the colour scheme for both. He gets to choose what goes on his walls. When DS2 is born he's getting our current bedroom. Here's hoping he likes blue with white trim.

When I was a kid, my bedroom was decorated in carpet remnants and paint that had been mis-mixed at the hardware store; it's all they could afford and I did then and still do applaud their efforts to make our home as nice as possible.

I hope people will forgive me if I don't think a nicely decorated room with decorations in a child's chosen colour, that can be changed with the child's tastes, equates to child abuse. I've got some salmon pink carpet and mint-coloured paint to share with you in that case.

And purple of any shade on walls gives me rage; I would never have it on any of my walls. YANBU.

Perpetual, The child expressed an interest in purple during discussions about the room. By your thinking as she asked for purple she should definitely not be allowed to have it.
How will we bring our daughters up to be assertive young women through the mantra of 'I want never gets' and what on earth is wrong with getting what you want? It's a bit shit to never get what you want because you had the audacity to express an opinion ffs!
I don't mean op here by the way!

harlequin oopsie daisy

I too hate purple but if you go to Wallpar Direct you can do an search for purple wallpaper and there are lots of naice ones on there.

I think you should re-do the wallpaper but it doesn't mean ending up with something you'll hate

My three year old cried when he saw his bedroom because he thought it was going to be like the picture on the tin (the brand logo, a rainbow). Bit of a misunderstanding there. He is now very happy with the bright colour and accessories he helped choose. She'll probably be fine once it's all done, thougb I think the idea that it is understated is unlikely to be much comfort.