Am I mean for not giving DD the bedroom she wanted?!

[blushingmare]

DD is 3. I have just redecorated her room. When we were talking about doing it she said she wanted it to be purple. Now, I wasn't too keen on it being very purple and didn't want overly girly wallpaper. So I've gone for a (I think!) very lovely grey wallpaper with white stars on one wall (this one www.gltc.co.uk/wallpaper/gltc-wallpaper-grey-star/gltc/fcp-product/10003400 ) white walls and have painted the woodwork very pale lilac. I'm planning to accessorise with a purple rug, cushions etc and have bought her an elephant duvet cover as elephants are the animal of the moment.

When she saw it today (just empty room with no accessories etc, she burst into tears - "I wanted a purple bedroom!!" Now I know she's 3 and prone to emotional outbursts, but I must admit I feel a bit mean now. I mean, I think her room is lovely - very classy and understated, but I don't think she shares this subtlety! Have I been a bit of a meany?!

Our dds room is grey, but that is because we decorated it before she was born so got our say. Grey white and grass green (which over the lasr year has beeb swapped for hot pink). She has never asked for a different colour, however when we move house next year I plan on letting her choose the colour.

Tbh I think walls are easier to change than a load of accessories so if she wants bright purple walls, done. Ill buy plain curtains and rug, which can stay even if she decides on green a year or two later.

OP the room sounds lovely - but you involved her and then chose something different.

The child expressed an interest in purple during discussions about the room

And the room is purple. It has lots of purple accessories which the child does not seem to have seen yet.

See I don't have a problem with you decorating the room and not asking your DD.

But you knew she wanted purple but you don't like girly colours? What is wrong with girls being girly on MN? It seems to be a real problem. God help a girl who likes girly colours - she might end up liking princesses then your really screwed and have failed her OP.

Meanwhile in the real world I know lots of little girls all under 7. They all have quite bright and colourful rooms in 'girly' colours.

Grey for a child's room is just depressing if I'm honest, and I wouldn't care how many colourful accessories you had to jazz it up.

How will we bring our daughters up to be assertive young women through the mantra of 'I want never gets' and what on earth is wrong with getting what you want? It's a bit shit to never get what you want because you had the audacity to express an opinion ffs!

Do you understand the difference between "I want!" And asking for something nicely? That is what "I want doesn't get" means to me.

And in fact if you search by kids wallpaper on wallpaper direct rather than by Purple, there are loads of gorgeous papers

it would have been so easy to do a purple room but adapted so it cab grow with her rather than remain a toddler style room.

picking paint and wall paper is so exciting at that age. I tenner being told I couldn't have the colour paint i wanted which I loved because it apparently didn't go with teh wall paper and curtains I'd chosen. except two weeks after I'd been made to have some ghastly pink. I hated the wall paper featured in the store magazine along side the BLUE paint I'd wanted all along.

In short on was 16-18 before i had a room. I'd chosen and liked and id had to pay for it all.myself saving up from a paper round and temp holiday jobs.

so please, give your child this. yku cab make it tasteful and purple. grey is horrid. who.wants a grey room.

Errr the OP never said she had somethng against girly colours... Even if she did, why the issue anyway? They are colours, just colours and if the OP doesn't like purple and pink then that's OK too. Just as being a girl doesn't mean she shouln't have any ink, nor does it mean she HAS to have pink!

OP I thik you are been made feeling guilty by your dd some posters didn't help. Maybe you need to think what it means if you actually redecorate her room with purple because of her tantrums. What are you going to do next time she has a tantrum? What if she doesn't like th purple rug or the elephant?
Look at the bigger picture and see how it will fit re how to parent your child too.

My kids get their choice of paint 99% of the time. DS1 currently has light blue walls, DD has two orange walls and two yellow and DS2 has a blue room. They have had their rooms painted numerous times. It's nice to have a change. DD's next choice isn't my taste but she can have it as it is her room.

The grey is nice - it will adapt with age, you just need the right accessories. Lampshade, rug, shelves all in vibrant purple.

You can also get some fantastic mobiles to add colour. www.google.co.uk/search?q=kids+mobiles&rls=com.microsoft:en-GB:IE-Address&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=HDtHVbXnDYL9aKb7gKgJ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1371&bih=628

I really couldn't think of anything worse that a purple room, I'm not against strong colour but I don't think it's very relaxing. You have the best of both worlds, a nice base and you change the colour / theme if you want.

OP, you are so NOT being unreasonable! She hasn't even seen the finished room! It WILL look purple themed when the actual purple stuff goes in. Good grief, since when do 3 year olds get to decorate houses?? Only on mumsnet...

You've done a lot of work making a beautiful space for your daughter, don't let it be turned into something negative that it just isn't. My children can't walk through homebase without "I want this in my room"-ing the whole way round. It doesn't mean I have to let them decorate the family home like some kind of clown show!! She will appreciate the fact that she can alter it with accessories as she grows up - not everyone redecorates according to children's whims.

I'm sure she will remember this when you are expressing your preference for nursing homes in the future.

Oh yes I forgot this is MN where a kid can't even have one suggestion for the one part if the house that resembles a space for them.

height of spoilt it is. letting a child pick a pot of paint. really whatever are people thinking.

DS was too wee to choose his decor when we moved in, all the walls are magnolia but he has a massive Disney Cars mural on one wall and loads of canvasses and a giant Mickey Mouse watch. Definitely not classy and understated- its a child's room, it doesn't need to be!

Fwiw, I actually really like the wallpaper you picked and I bet your DD changes her mind when all the other purple bits appear in the room.
Could you take her out and let her choose a couple of purple things so she feels a bit more like the room is 'hers'?

I can only assume that some posters missed that part where the OP said there are lots and lots of accessories in the DDs chosen colour.

How will we bring our daughters up to be assertive young women through the mantra of 'I want never gets' and what on earth is wrong with getting what you want?

Not to derail the thread but that is not what my parents meant, nor what I took, from 'I want doesn't (not never) gets' - it was meant to express that the world doesn't revolve around you and bend to your wishes just by willing it to be so. It taught me to be a strong, independent woman by recognising I couldn't get everything I wanted on a whim by pouting saying 'pretty please?'. I like to think this approach helped me realise you have to work to get what you want, and not expect the world to hand things to you on a plate.

I think all the OP has done is perhaps slightly mis-manage her DDs expectations - she expressed a preference for purple, and will be getting a purple rug & other things, she just happened to see the room when it was empty & kicked off. I can't understand why some posters think she has committed the crime of the century in that.

I actually think the room sounds fabulous OP. You know your child best - do you think she'll love it when she sees the end result? If so, don't feel bad.

You're going to a lot of effort to make this into a room she'll love for years. I can totally see the logic of having accessories in her current favourite colour, as it's easier to change if she decides she likes pink better in a year or so - and not everybody has the time/money to keep changing major things like walls/curtains/etc.

So don't feel guilty. You're making her a garland! Garlands are cool. You've included an animal she loves. She can roll around on her purple rug and throw things at her awesome purple lanterns

Over reaction there, HennaFlare. This three year old was not given the chance to decorate the whole house, just her bedroom .

I imagine that very pale lilac doesn't really seem like purple to a small child. And they don't really do classy and understated! You're not a meany but you do seem to be surprised she's upset... She asked for purple and didn't get it, she's upset because she was asked and thought she was getting a purple bedroom. My DS has a purple pram btw, I love it, not a girly colour! You could have maybe done pale lilac wallpaper if that is acceptable to you, grey seems very differabt to what she asked and not really what a 3 year old would like. I'm doing 'vintage cowboy' theme for my 8 month old DS but when he can express a preference I plan to do what he would like. Because he's not going to appreciate darling vintage prints and carefully chosen accessories!

You ave given her the bedroom you want.

That's not a big issue so long as you don't expect her reaction to be anything more than mild indifference tbh. A child simply isn't going to get overly excited about a bedroom which is a totally different colour to the one they have asked for.

Unfortauntely 3 year olds are not known for their love of "class and understated" in my experience.

I know e are purple accessories but at the moment the child is just seeing a grey bedroom.

A grey bedroom for a three year old girl is fairly crap... That wallpaper isn't particularly "classy" either
My 7 year old has an orange bedroom. It's fairly headache inducing, tbh, but he wanted orange and it's his room.

I'd never expect a kid's room to be classy or elegant. Why should it?

I see what you were trying to do but personally I wouldn't see purple accessories as a 'purple room'. I think I'd try to make one wall purpley to add to the effect.

It will be fine once the other stuff is in the room, no need to paint anything purple or change the wallpaper.

My DS2 wanted pink and black and white in his room. I asked him over several weeks and this didn't change. So he has white in his duvet and a bit of pink, a pink lantern from ikea and a black wire side table. He still doesn't sleep in his room, but he wouldn't if I'd painted it pink/black/white stripes either. He was about 3.5yo then.

My point being, you can accommodate your childs' requests while having something you are also happy with. After having to cover up many dark painted walls, no way would I be painting a purple, or pink wall on the request of a 3yo. It's so much easier and cheaper to keep the expensive things neutral and put the colour into prints, duvets, cushions etc.. which can be changed out as they grow out of them.