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Original poster

MiL just ruined co-sleeping for me

78 replies

flipflopsonfifthavenue · 27/03/2015 20:56

DS2 is almost 5 mo and since birth he's never spent a full night in his Moses basket/cot as I always brining him into bed with me, usually after his second feed.
DP normally goes to spare room so leaves the bed to us, and I follow the guidelines and am pretty sure co-sleeping safely.

MiL is visiting and I just mentioned to DP that it's going to be interesting getting DS2 into his own room at 6mo considering it's basically in our bed now so it's going to be a shock...

MiL suddenly pipes up "aren't you worried you're going to squash him?!"

I mumbled something about it being safe etc but now I'm sitting here fuming.

She doesn't know anything about it, both her kids slept through at 4mo. Just feel so angry and that she's ruined it for me now. I know I shouldn't care - my baby, my choice etc - but still. Really annoyed as I KNOW she's been dying to say something about it before.

Just left a bad taste in my mouth

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CaptainAnkles · 27/03/2015 20:59

It's a question a lot of people would ask though, I don't know why it would ruin it for you if you've been happy with it so far. If it's working for you, why should one question stop you?

ginmakesitallok · 27/03/2015 20:59

Dear God it didn't take much to ruin it did it?? Sounds like you've been building up to this, because her asking one question about it doesn't seem that bad. You could have just answered her with a "no", and gotten on with things. Why is this getting to you do much?

AlternativeTentacles · 27/03/2015 21:00

You need to toughen up a bit to be honest. She ruined it? Honestly?

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longdiling · 27/03/2015 21:01

I would also agree that it's the standard question people ask you when you're co-sleeping. She hasn't said anything else about co-sleeping in the whole time you've been doing it?! Doesn't sound too terrible to me!

Hassled · 27/03/2015 21:02

It's a reasonable enough question to ask, though (and I co-slept). How has this ruined it for you? I don't really understand. She just asked a question - unless there is a whole heap of backstory it wasn't necessarily a judgement.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 27/03/2015 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HagOtheNorth · 27/03/2015 21:03

Then don't let her ruin it for you, let it go. You've got years ahead of everyone and their donkey offering their opinions on how things should be in their opinion, or forecasting doom and death.
Don't waste a moment brooding and feeling angry because she's tactless and asking thoughtless questions.
I co-slept years ago, and mine went from being in bed with us to having a cot in our room, to being in their own room. It worked well for us. Other members of our family had them in their own room from birth. It's entirely your choice.

DixieNormas · 27/03/2015 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 27/03/2015 21:05

This is the first thread I've ever stuck up for a mil - but I don't think its that bad.

Why has she ruined it? That's just being silly.

There has got to be a back story to this ....

TeddyBear5 · 27/03/2015 21:08

You're fuming?! Really? That level of rage is is not good for your blood pressure.

Surely it's a question you've thought of yourself? You're just pissed off that it's your MIL that verbalised it.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 27/03/2015 21:08

I co-sleep and I do worry that I will squash/overheat my baby, which is why I have changed our sleeping arrangements. I wouldn't be offended by that question is say "yes! I was really worried which is why we have a side car cot, no duvet or pillows near the baby and only I sleep next to the baby" i would assume anyone who co-sleeps has asked them self the same question.

Floralnomad · 27/03/2015 21:09

I'm amazed that you have got to 5 months without someone saying that ,it's a very common question from people who didn't / don't co sleep , I think you have really overreacted if this has made you fume !

Pico2 · 27/03/2015 21:10

We cosleep. If asked that, I would just explain what we do to make it safer. No need to feel bad about the question.

eurochick · 27/03/2015 21:11

I cannot believe that anyone has ever co slept without thinking about squashing the baby. You say you are following the guidelines - those guidelines are basically about avoiding squashing and suffocation and that is pretty obvious.

Hakluyt · 27/03/2015 21:15

"This is the first thread I've ever stuck up for a mil - but I don't think its that bad."

Wow- so every single other MIL has automatically been in the wrong? Oh well, that's Mumsnet for you!

OP - it's her grandchild, she has a perfect right to be concerned. Sh's wrong- but she is expressing a concern that loads of non MILs post on here every day. They are wrong too. Just carry on with what you'r doing - it's fine.

gaahhnonicknamesleft · 27/03/2015 21:16

I recommend (a) giving that comment no further thought and (b) getting a sidecar cot, we never did as assumed we would get them out of our bed but they still come in 5 and 3 years later

AGirlCalledBoB · 27/03/2015 21:17

To be fair it's a reasonable question and many have that fear and really it's a bit dramatic to say she has ruined it. If you are comfortable with the situation, then carry on doing it

Annunziata · 27/03/2015 21:18

You are being ridiculous, grow up.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 27/03/2015 21:19

hakluyt I'm glad my posts have the WOW factor for you!

And yes most MIL threads I've read are where the mil is being overbearing and the op is asking for help. BUT I always see you on there fighting the cause so I suppose its evened out!

PacificDogwood · 27/03/2015 21:19

It's only ruined if you allow it to be ruined.

Co-sleeping absolutely saved my sanity with high-needs DS1 and then I did it with the others because I (and they!) liked it.
My mother thought I was insane - MiL never commented just as well.

As you said, your baby, your choice.

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 27/03/2015 21:20

people will always make ignorant comments.

i started co-sleeping with dd when she was about 6mo, it started because i wanted a bit more sleep, and she would settle in the bed next to me for a couple more hours, as i was right there where she could see me.

we co-slept fully from 8mo-2.5yo. DH slept in the spare room that is now her room.

If you're going to co-sleep, you have to be prepared for people to make comments. They dont understand.

isthatmorelego · 27/03/2015 21:20

God you seriously need to toughen up is this pfb by any chance.

She stated what a lot of her generation would say if you don't want to hear don't have her stay

pictish · 27/03/2015 21:21

She hasn't ruined it at all. You'll just carry on doing what you please surely?

cedricsneer · 27/03/2015 21:22

I'm imagining you are harbouring all sorts of other resentment towards your mil - because this is a massive overreaction.

tumbletumble · 27/03/2015 21:23

There must be a back story here for you to be so upset by this. Do you and your MIL have issues?

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