MiL just ruined co-sleeping for me

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DS2 is almost 5 mo and since birth he's never spent a full night in his Moses basket/cot as I always brining him into bed with me, usually after his second feed.
DP normally goes to spare room so leaves the bed to us, and I follow the guidelines and am pretty sure co-sleeping safely.

MiL is visiting and I just mentioned to DP that it's going to be interesting getting DS2 into his own room at 6mo considering it's basically in our bed now so it's going to be a shock...

MiL suddenly pipes up "aren't you worried you're going to squash him?!"

I mumbled something about it being safe etc but now I'm sitting here fuming.

She doesn't know anything about it, both her kids slept through at 4mo. Just feel so angry and that she's ruined it for me now. I know I shouldn't care - my baby, my choice etc - but still. Really annoyed as I KNOW she's been dying to say something about it before.

Just left a bad taste in my mouth

I wondered when the "older mum' thing would arise.

It's the kind of comment that someone unfamiliar with or unconvinced by safe co sleeping guidelines would ask.

I'm 55 and coslept with my kids as did many of my contemporaries.

Please do leave it out

Hakulyt Sorry I meant within the context of my area. Where it was a bit "pram in the garden" 30 years ago etc.

I appreciate there may well be communities in the UK where Co sleeping has happened consistently for generations with no break.

Actually one side of my family is of a culture where it's like that ... Weirdly it seems to be suddenly very "unfashionable" and you get the side eye from other mums for even using a sleepyhead though I know it's the predominant sleep method.

"I have a friend whose husband walked out due to resentment about co-sleeping"

Phew. Lucky her. She's well shot of the arse.

Im with counting

Ive never (and will never) co sleep. It doesnt feel safe, I know I wouldnt relax, I want to share a bed with DH and for that to be our space - lord knows babies take up every element of your space (and rightly so!), that I wanted somewhere that would always be childfree.

If you want to Co Sleep fine, but its not what everyone would choose and they are going to have questions about it.

As for "it's not normal" - so deeply ignorant. It's the most normal thing in the world...literally.
We're the weirdos that don't co sleep.

As for the threat of suffocation...well, leaving them alone carries risk too!

pennie with all the best will, open your mind.

and they are going to have questions about it

Are they? Why? It's none of 'their' business.

Do you drive a car?

I hate oit when th OP runs off

I despair at these threads: it does not matter what any one of us did or did not do. It's a choice, a personal choice, a choice one arrives at by circumstance or individual preference or whatever other reason.

My darling firstborn turned me in to far more of a hippy mum than I ever thought I would be (attachment parenting, anyone? It very clearly was the only parenting style he approved of. And he had me trained within a short few months ).

Wrt partners: surely this is very good communication comes in to it? You know, really talking and listening to each other?

I have friends who followed very strict routines and friends who had a 'family bed' with their 3 children - neither is my choice, but both works fine for those families. None of my beeswax.

Hakluyt

I don't think having a marriage and family break apart is particularly lucky. I don't think my friend's ex is an arse for resenting being pushed out. It wasn't the co-sleeping that was the problem, it was the fact that he was expected to sleep in the spare room until my friend decided he could come back to his own bed.

I think it's a good idea to make sure everyone remains happy with the situation by discussing it.

Ok ok....

DP going to sleep in spare room, SOME nights, for PART of the night is not a long term solution. Of course.
However, for the moment, under this arrangement we're all getting the best and most sleep possible. Which leads to happier parents = happier babies!

And you're absolutely right that I can't be bothered to train him. I'm too fucking exhausted and I feel he's still too little to be trained in anything right now.

But I shall.... I nightweaned DS1 at 13mo and I ain't waiting that long this time...!

Yes Pacific, exactly. And not related to the age of the mother either.

OP pay no heed to the nonsense. Sleep is King. Always.

I thought you were going to say mil got in too OP. That really would ruin it

But yeah, what everyone else said. Except the twattish posts about it being not normal and suffocating babies. I'm not an idiot.

I haven't run off...

Sleeping in separate beds not great I agree, but I can't believe a marriage broke up JUST because of that. It's never one thing. Like me overreacting at my MiL wasn't just because of that one single comment.

Anyway. Your life your choice etc. I didn't cosleep with DS1 until he was older and would occasionally come into our bed at night as the only way to settle him/everyone get back to sleep.

I didn't plan to cosleep with DS2 and I don't want to do it indefinitely.

But it's hardly not normal?! So we get our partners to keep us warm and keep us company at night but our babies get no one? Feels rather arbitrary. But like I say - whatever works for you.

She's been there for three weeks? Nothing you think or do is wrong in this context. :o

I think to your Mil it isn't 'normal' practice and it wouldn't be for me either as it happens.

As long as you and your immediate family are happy and safe with sleeping arrangements then that's what's important I guess.

OP - in my friends case it was the lack of communication that was the problem. And tbh she did push her ex out.

More to the point - when is she leaving?

I'd go mad having anyone to stay for three weeks.

3 weeks blimey....Id have run away by now.

"Not normal" is a bit judgemental and "marital bed" (eek!) - however it was intended it evokes ideas of wifely duty.
Whatever works for your family, works. We usually have at least one child in with us before morning. Dp is more than happy to escape to spare room when it gets too wriggly.
And op - no need to evict the baby just because it gets to six months old. There are no rules and if it's going to make your life harder why bother?

Yes...'marital bed' - how very Game of Thrones.

Add to that men going off in strops because they have been "kicked out" of said marital bed............

I do hope some posters remember to reapply their lipstick before hubby comes home from work...........

Anyone who frets about the "marital bed" is asking about your sex life or perceived lack thereof. They're possibly a bit bothered by the fact you're not a sleepless husk, but mostly they are concerned for your relationship. the filthy buggers

Faced with any of that rubbish, I used to say "oh, you want to know how we have SEX!" And either just let it hang there, awkwardly, or depending who it was and how annoyed I was I might add "well we just do it right here on this sofa where you're sitting/in the sex dungeon like normal.".

Moving

If only we had a sex dungeon…

I co-slept with dd out of necessity. My older child has SN, and has never, ever slept through the night. (he's now 8 and still doesn't)

Co-sleeping with DD meant if i had to get up to see to DS, then it was much easier to settle DD back to sleep. Efforts to put her in her own bed meant that instead of me being awake 2 or 3 times a night, i got NO sleep AT ALL because of the noise DS made distressed her and then her distress/crying would compound DS's night wakings.

A person can't function like that, and DH worked night shifts, so it wasn't like i could get DH to deal with Ds's constant night waking. Co-sleeping meant everyone got some sleep.

When we moved her at 2.5, she was sleeping through without waking, and we involved her in decorating her room. She sleeps through every night, unless she's sick.