MiL just ruined co-sleeping for me

[flipflopsonfifthavenue]

DS2 is almost 5 mo and since birth he's never spent a full night in his Moses basket/cot as I always brining him into bed with me, usually after his second feed.
DP normally goes to spare room so leaves the bed to us, and I follow the guidelines and am pretty sure co-sleeping safely.

MiL is visiting and I just mentioned to DP that it's going to be interesting getting DS2 into his own room at 6mo considering it's basically in our bed now so it's going to be a shock...

MiL suddenly pipes up "aren't you worried you're going to squash him?!"

I mumbled something about it being safe etc but now I'm sitting here fuming.

She doesn't know anything about it, both her kids slept through at 4mo. Just feel so angry and that she's ruined it for me now. I know I shouldn't care - my baby, my choice etc - but still. Really annoyed as I KNOW she's been dying to say something about it before.

Just left a bad taste in my mouth

I thought you were going to say that she took an axe to your bed and shredded your mattress leaving you no option but to inflate a too small lilo to sleep on.

She asked a question which has ruined co-sleeping and left you fuming? Goodness wait till she has a view on weening, discipline and your choice of secondary school at the very least

That is way ott to say she ruined it, standard question as others have said.
Prepare yourself for her to 'ruin' blw when she asks if you're worried he might choke.

Eh? She's ruined. Do get a grip

Whaaa?

I did not favour co-sleeping at all but really??! This has put you off it?

Like PP said, either there is a huge back story, you're actually not that into co-sleeping or you have an incredibly thin skin. Whichever one it is, that is an OTT reaction. To put it mildly.

I think it's a fair question, sorry. As you're co-sleeping safely then that would be your answer.

I thought she had gone into be with you.

Surely you were aware of the risks and what some people think about it. Why are you so hung up on what she says or not?

Can't believe you're getting into this much of a state about a perfectly reasonable question....think you need to grow up and toughen up at the same time. She's entitled to ask, it's her grandson and she loves him, just as you are entitled to carry on bringing him up in the way you see best. If you get this upset over something as simple as this, you are going to be in a mess by the time he starts school! Why not just answer her question and get on with bringing your son up?

I co-slept with each of DC1 and DC2 for many months.

Of course I worried that I would squash them and took precautions to minimise the risk.

So the answer would be a simple "yes", and surely most co-sleepers would feel the same? And I can't see how admitting that simple truth could ruin the experience for you.

I was hoping you were going to say that mil got into bed with you both.

I have been let down.

Ooops I clearly made the mistake of typing in the heat of the moment... Overly dramatic choice of words perhaps...

Of course I know I'm overreacting, I was just tired and she's been visiting for 3 weeks now and I challenge anyone not to start to fray at the edges after this long....

We don't really have issues, other than when she visits it's for weeks at a time as its from overseas, so that's challenging, and I suppose I do smart easily from what I feel are criticisms. Don't we all??

But I'm not going to stop doing it. I'll just stop talking about it in front of her!

Interesting about people thinking she's got into the bed with me. she hovers like mad and won't let DS1 do anything remotely "dangerous" like climb off the sofa by himself (he's 2.8yo....) so it may only be a matter of time until she hovers right into my bed.....

I never co slept with dd. I wouldnt allow it for a number of reasons.

I knew someone whos baby died in their bed from being suffocated by one of the parents.

Children dont belong in a marital bed resulting in the husband having to go to another room.

I believe children belong in their own bed.

However you are being very very over sensitive.

Ah I see...you have her as an extended house guest...it all makes sense now.

Yes, you'll be very glad to get your house back to yourself. When is she leaving?

"I never co slept with dd. I wouldnt allow it for a number of reasons.

I knew someone whos baby died in their bed from being suffocated by one of the parents.

Children dont belong in a marital bed resulting in the husband having to go to another room.

I believe children belong in their own bed."

Your first reason is entirely understandable, although irrational. But in the circumstances, irrational is more than fine.

Your second two reasons are just horrible. "Marital bed"? The "wife" always has to be ready in case the "husband" demands his rights? Ick. And "belong in their own bed"? Really? So millions of people all over the world are wrong? What do you think will happen if children share a family bed? Men like co sleeping too you know.

flipflop, I feel your pain
The in laws being house guests for weeks on end is never easy - here it's my parents, and DH has the patients of a saint (well, in front of them he does, I get all the moaning…).

It's interesting how often grandparents are total different towards their grandchildren than they must have been towards their own children. Do you think your MiL never ever let her own children climb off the sofa themselves at almost 3?!

CountingthePennies, I have no strong feelings towards whether a parent co-sleeps or not. There's ways to minimise the risks, but if you are not comfortable with the concept, then don't. V simple.
The 'marital bed' otoh….. euww.

Hakluyt

You have misunderstood my post.

I never mentioned anywhere about the wife always being ready for sex with her husband.

What i meant was...

Sharing a bed with your partner or husband helps keep the closeness. It doesnt have to involve sex, it can be cuddles, and just being together on your own.

I believe its important. Its not normal to allow your husband to be kicked out the bed because you cant be bothered to train your child to sleep in their own bed.

Oh, please, do not use 'normal' in that context!
It is very normal all over the world.

Like I said, if you don't/didn't like co-sleeping that's fine, but don't put your choices on to others.

"I believe its important. Its not normal to allow your husband to be kicked out the bed because you cant be bothered to train your child to sleep in their own bed."

I don't think that's any better. Why, to start with, does the "husband have to be kicked out" Is he not part of the process? Why can't he stay in the bed too?

And "can't be bothered"?

Counting, it is fair enough that you choose not to co-sleep and are entitled not to for any reason. I also choose not to, but it is hugely unreasonable for you to think that because it's right for you it has to be the same for everyone else.

Each to their own, let parents make their own parenting choices.

Have a cup of tea and calm down. I am with your Mil on this

Its not normal.

When i had dd 2 years ago, the hospital made it very clear that they do not promote co sleeping and couldnt stress the dangers any more clear.

The hospital that i had dd in had, had a big investigation 10 years before because a new mum had put the baby in bed with her after being repeatedly encourage to put the baby in the cot as she kept falling asleep.

The baby was suffocated by its mother in the bed.

The ops mil was right to voice her concerns about the sleeping arrangements

The OP does state that her DP goes in to the spare room.

I hope the DP doesn't get resentful about that. I think it's something that needs to be discussed fairly regularly to make sure everyone stays OK with it. I am projecting a little here - I have a friend whose husband walked out due to resentment about co-sleeping.

To me it strikes me as a question an older mum might ask!

She probably doesn't know about the guidelines. You could explain them perhaps.

I have a back issue so Co sleep with a sleepyhead because my sleep movements are jerk and heavy. I always explain my mn failure this when people are worried.

I am however if people Co sleep not following the safety guide.

"To me it strikes me as a question an older mum might ask!"

Yeah, because co sleeping is such a new idea!

I hope the DP doesn't get resentful about that. I think it's something that needs to be discussed fairly regularly to make sure everyone stays OK with it. I am projecting a little here - I have a friend whose husband walked out due to resentment about co-sleeping

This with bells on!!

I didn't co sleep with any of mine (unless they were ill) - mine slept in a moses basket at the side of the bed when they were newborns, then went into their own rooms when we stopped breastfeeding.
There was the occasional night when we'd all sleep together, and more still where we'd drift off in the bed after a feed, but as general habit, co sleeping wasn't for us. I like my space to stretch out, otherwise I just don't get a good sleep. There was no question of my dh sleeping elsewhere. There was never a spare bed for him to have.

I still disapprove of pennie's post there. I think it's totally natural for infants to sleep next to their mothers. I think if the arrangement works for OP's family, then that's great.
No need for the horror story or the haughty tone.