If your child says they are hungry

[pookamoo]

After their bedtime, what do you give them?

Would your answer be different if you had earlier had to throw away an uneaten plate of dinner?

For the avoidance of dripfeeding, here is the reason behind the question:

DD1 (6) is a terrible eater and always has been. I have always taken the attitude of offering the food, if she doesn't eat it, I don't make something else, she goes without. I never serve anything she actually doesn't like, and I never force her to clear her place. Dessert is not withheld for an unfinished main course.

People say to me "just let her go hungry, she'll soon learn" but she doesn't "learn" and I don't think it is fair. She usually doesn't complain of being hungry.

This evening she refused to eat two thirds of her meal. She just ate the plain pasta, but left the sauce, veg and chicken. At bedtime she had a glass of milk and an apple. After lights out, she complained she was hungry and I refused to get her a snack.

I do feel like a terrible person, she got very upset and I have no doubt she actually was hungry.

We had a chat about choosing to eat your meal or not and the consequences of that choice and she had a drink of water and went off to sleep fine. I am anticipating two bowls of porridge tomorrow morning!

I have been thinking about it and wondering if we should change our evening routine so that I can get an extra "supper" type meal in. We usually eat around 5, the DC go in the bath about 6 (or upstairs for teeth etc) and in bed by 7. It's flexible.

Just wondering if I should bring the DCs' dinner forward to 4.30 ish, and squeeze in something extra before bedtime. If so, what?

If a 4 year old eats small meals( lots of variety) but is otherwise healthy and happy then I wonder how much of it is due to parental expectation or anxiety ?

I agree with that for teens and adults and some children Alpaca. But children are fussy with food for many reasons. Mostly taste, texture, unfamiliarity, etc and not anxiety.

Though I do think that parental anxiety can cause it to persist.

great cross-post!

Alpaca I'm sorry to hear about your previously suffered anorexia. But I don't think your points are valid when discussing fussy young children.

I was a very fussy eater when I was young. It was everything to do with food and nothing whatsoever to do with anxiety.

I just didn't like food much. I was tiny so my mum worried and let me drink pints and pints of milk to make up for it. The result was I was never hungry and so continued to only eat the food I really liked. Apparently I would go days without eating anything other than breakfast.

This is also why I won't allow my DC to graze all day. We have snacks. But they are basically planned mini-meals. Food doesn't get dished out on demand in our house.

Thanks .
it was about your mothers anxiety then.
Apologies- if i wasnt clear I did mean parental or the childs anxiety .

The point is, no one was anorexic.

And actually, it's only as an adult I knew my mum was worried. I was perfectly happy with my eating habits as a child, blissfully unaware that they were anything to give a 2nd thought to.

Lewj my kids and I would be very dissappointed if we had to live off snacks constantly with no hearty main meal.

OP..I feel your pain.I have a 55 year old DH with pretty much the same attitude!

My fussy DS (6) does this occasionally. I give him a lecture about eating his tea and let him have a banana. Unless he starts doing it regularly I'm not going through the hassle of making him go to sleep hungry. And I'm definitely not serving up leftovers at 7pm.

Incidentally it appears to be everything to do with the food itself and nothing to do with anxiety. And we have very few snacks. Not through any particular decision of ours, I just don't usually think of it and my kids have never been the type to ask for snacks all the time.

Lewj my kids and I would be very dissappointed if we had to live off snacks constantly with no hearty main meal.

Which works for you and that's fine.

Some people may prefer smaller meals, but more often.

The point is that different people have different preferences and we shouldn't force either.