If your child says they are hungry

[pookamoo]

After their bedtime, what do you give them?

Would your answer be different if you had earlier had to throw away an uneaten plate of dinner?

For the avoidance of dripfeeding, here is the reason behind the question:

DD1 (6) is a terrible eater and always has been. I have always taken the attitude of offering the food, if she doesn't eat it, I don't make something else, she goes without. I never serve anything she actually doesn't like, and I never force her to clear her place. Dessert is not withheld for an unfinished main course.

People say to me "just let her go hungry, she'll soon learn" but she doesn't "learn" and I don't think it is fair. She usually doesn't complain of being hungry.

This evening she refused to eat two thirds of her meal. She just ate the plain pasta, but left the sauce, veg and chicken. At bedtime she had a glass of milk and an apple. After lights out, she complained she was hungry and I refused to get her a snack.

I do feel like a terrible person, she got very upset and I have no doubt she actually was hungry.

We had a chat about choosing to eat your meal or not and the consequences of that choice and she had a drink of water and went off to sleep fine. I am anticipating two bowls of porridge tomorrow morning!

I have been thinking about it and wondering if we should change our evening routine so that I can get an extra "supper" type meal in. We usually eat around 5, the DC go in the bath about 6 (or upstairs for teeth etc) and in bed by 7. It's flexible.

Just wondering if I should bring the DCs' dinner forward to 4.30 ish, and squeeze in something extra before bedtime. If so, what?

What do you mean when you say she hasn't got the energy for school?

She sounds very tired.
My DS would be shattered after school age 5/6 and so I served his main meal at 4.30 for a while.
Cheese on toast, carrot sticks, cucumber .
jacket pot, cheese, beans
Pizza and carrot sticks ,cucumber
Vegetable rice
Wraps with prawns chicken and salad.

Fromage frais,fruit,flapjack for pudding.
No snacks and no juice or squash.

I know my DC only had snacks if they went to parties - not popular but filling them up with toast or rice cakes ( poor nutritional value) is the quickest way to ensure they don't eat.

Durham I used to take a KFC type takeaway to eat in bed after a night on the town... fall asleep then finish it off in the morning (in bed)...!!

Ahhh... those were the days!!!

Fal

Fallingdown - there's the problem. Parents considering their child to be underweight and desperately in need of calories when in fact the child is on the percentile chart and has not fallen off it! Parents obsess too much about getting empty calories into their child, fearing their child maybe weak or malnourished or too small. In reality, to see properly weak or skinny children you'd need to leave the UK and head for the third world!

Cook my girls might do that but I prefer not to know! ignorance is bliss sometimes. Good to know you did that and came out the other end a fully functioning member of society..... .there's hope for them yet

Not sure about 'fully functioning'. But I didn't die of food poisoning.

What has she eaten today? Just a thought that she could be low on iron. I agree that rice cakes and toast aren't the best snacks. Protein or veg would be better.

Hello. I've not read the full thread so apologise if you've already covered this ground. But it strikes me that what she's getting for lunch is inadequate for learning in the afternoon. Is it feasible to do home lunches? Or pack something hot in a food flask? I'm not surprised she's getting fed up of sandwiches if she's eating them every day.

I found a chat about food not being to enjoy every mouthful: sometimes you eat it because you need the energy, not because its delicious.

If your dd is small, 4 small meals might suit her better, but I would worry about leaving half eaten food out for her to come back to as it discourages eating a proper meal and teaches that they can pick indefinitely, which can't happen in school, and is inconvenient.

Good luck. You are cleat concerned, and I hope things improve for you both.

Falling - yes but the calories she needs are the kind that are full of proteins and nutrients. Many snacks and puddings are full of empty calories and will only serve to create poor eating habits.

Hummous on crackers/pitta, slices of cooked meat, boiled eggs, flakes of tuna or tinned salmon, nuts, beans etc are all protein rich snacks.

Reading on phone so may miss some points, sorry.

Re the packed lunch, she has been offered other things, she refuses. Says it HAS to be the same. She doesn't have time to eat more, or anything else, she says.

I would say it's tirednss but she sleeps 7 til 7. When i asay not enough energy for school, i mrean what the other poster said about her lunch notbeing enough to sustain afternoon learning (let alone football club!)

Sorry for typos!

It's quite normal for energy to dip after lunch. How about arranging for the school to give her a protein snack in the afternoon break? Is there a break at about 1.30/2? You can provide cheese, nuts etc.

I would actually be thinking iron deficiency rather then lack of calories though

What percentile is your DD on? Anything between 0.4 and 98 is normal.

Is your child old/young in their year?

Sorry but I think you are letting her get away with snacking and leaving her main meal. Why couldn't she eat the chicken etc?

I have a fussy eater and another who eats lots of different things but will try and mess about if she doesn't fancy eating her fruit and veg. If they don't eat their meals, they get nothing after and that's it. If I believe they are genuinely really hungry I'll offer a banana if fussy DS accepts it means he is actually hungry, if he says no then he isn't and just fancies something else. I'm not throwing away food they like because they fancy snacking later on. I do make sure I give them food they like which does mean something different for DS generally but I was starved as a young child and i'd rather do something extra that I know he will eat. I don't believe in the 1 meal for all and that's it.

A friend if mine believes if you put it front of them and they are hungry enough they will eat it. Not in my experience. I tried it once for a few days and DS would, quite happily skip tea for days on end and fill up on breakfast. It was awful and I couldnt stand it so I will do him something separate.

Mine don't get snacks generally. DS (6) will usually have 2 large bowls of cereal in the morning, his snack at school which is an apple 3 days a week and crisps twice, his school dinner 4 days but packed lunch on fish day then tea at 5. For tea he generally has a piled side plate, if he eats it as he usually does he has some sweets or chocolate or occasionally ice cream if we have it. Often he's still hungry so then he gets fruit or breadsticks. I don't think of after school snacks and they sometimes ask but it's about an hour before tea so I won't let them eat then. If mine snack they simply won't eat their meals.

DD (3) doesn't tend to eat too much for breakfast, usually a pot of dried cereal, then a banana after the school run. For lunch she'll have a sandwich, fruit, cheese and yoghurt. Sometimes she can then have a chocolate biscuit. Then she has her tea which she can mess about with but she generally eats it then gets sweets/choc after. They know that no tea finished means nothing after (unless they are really hungry and I can tell by if they jump at whatever is offered).

If you are concerned that your DD looks ill i'd take her to see a different doctor and say you aren't happy with her energy levels and the fact that she looks sickly. I'd be concerned about anaemia from what you say.

crapbag Anaemia was my concern. I took her to the GP, he said he wasn't worried about her - I asked him directly about anaemia.

You say "Why couldn't she eat the chicken etc?" and that is exactly the question I would have liked her to answer! That is the problem - WHY can't she eat it? Apparently because she doesn't like it. Not because she has had enough, she just "doesn't like it". SO frustrating, but I don't want to make an issue of it. I don't want to starve her, though. She turns up her nose at just about everything. I don't give them food they don't like, despite what DD1says.

She had half of a tiny apple (one of those "lunch box" type ones) when she came through the door. It was an hour to wait for dinner, I think such a small fruit snack would have minimal impact on appetite - really it's given to buy me time.

We don't have pudding every day. We don't keep crisps, biscuits, chocolate, sweets etc in the house, although I do / we do bake something often, so for example there is a tin of flapjacks DD2 and I made yesterday, so DD1 had one in her lunch box. She did eat that!

violetta how do you calculate the centile? I do NOT want to be weighing her and have her link that to food in any way.

Sorry, just saw your other question. She is November born (year 1).

Push for a blood test from the gp.

My ds is aneamic despite eating meat every day. He has sloppy poos and tummy aches almost every day. So far the doc has only found the anemia.

I give him spatone, a gentle iron supplement which had an impact very quickly. Much better than iron tablets which made me feel sick!

Pook, you can only see the centile by measuring height and weight and looking in you red book. (Are you in the UK?)

DD doesn't need to link it to food, or know that you are. You measure and weigh both your DCs and turn it in to a 'let's see how big you've grown', "wow, look at that! DD your so tall now!" Etc etc.

pookamoo half an apple would be enough to put my dd off her tea! especially if was something she'd rather not eat and she thought a snack might be on the cards later.

Try a few days without any snacks at all just to compare.

Your gp can't really diagnose anaemia by looking. If you're worried though, there are some iron supplements that are safe for children. I have given Spatone to dd in the past. Maybe discuss with the school nurse.

Oops, Cross post iggley

Ah so she said she didnt like it. I thought it was something she likes, you served it then she refused to eat. It is very frustrating with a fussy eater (although I never label DS that way), they like something then all of a sudden they dont and won't eat it again. I do tend to serve DS a lot of dried pasta. He wont eat potato or rice if it's not mixed in with curry or chilli so if we aren't having pasta with sauce, I won't open a jar just for him so he has the bits of what we are having that he does like and has dried pasta with it, sometimes with grated cheese on. Yesterday we had veg he wouldnt eat so I put a pot of grapes next to his tea. Odd combination but at least there was something vaguely healthy there. He will always gobble grapes and strawberries so they are my fail safes if I want him to eat something healthy. I always used to say I wouldn't do different food for one but I can't stand them being hungry (being starved has left me with food issues) so I accept it and hope it will change. He has actually asked to try the odd different thing lately which is a huge deal. I can also mix peas in his pasta sauce but he won't eat them on their own. I can live with that. Are there slightly unusual combinationso you could try? If it gets her eating it really doesn't matter.

I really would take her back to another doctor (if there is a different one you could see). You know her better and you have (imo) valid concerns. Some doctors are crap and too dismissive when they dont always know better.

Pookamoo all of what you have described sounds very familiar to me without the circles under the eyes. Dd2 is very petite and has a very small appetite, what you describe meal wise and not eating is very similar.

I read a book called 'my child won't eat' it revolutionised my thinking on the issue. I no longer worry about her eating at all and that is the only thing that has changed other than giving a biweekly multivitamin/multi mineral just to treat my residual anxiety is my attitude. If your child is the weight she should be and is not losing weight I think I would just let her go on as things are. Kids food preferences change over time, so long as you keep offering the healthy choices you already do I would just keep going.