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my neighbour assaulted my 5 year old!!!!

352 replies

hangingbyathread · 16/10/2006 16:18

saturday my dd was playing out front with the group when my neighbour in opposite house was coming back from the shop,my dd&her friend were standing in her way like kids do arms spread ect,she told my dd to move,when she didnt move she got her arm&shoved her out the way&my dd landed backwards in a bush,i have contacted the police&they have logged it as assault but now monday they still havnt come apparently they are "busy",iam fuming,i want to hit her but i know i will be arrested if i do,also what has upset me is i thought my friend&neighbour who dd plays with was my friend&to me loyalty is a big part of friendship but my friend has still carried on as normal,not stuck up for my dd&if it was me i would make it clear to the assaulter it is wrong to do that to a child(as i have said to her but got no response)also the problem i have now is my dd5 wants to go play out the front but i have tried explaining to her she cant until the police has been as the person may hurt her again as she obviouly thinks she"s got away with it as she has been sniggering&making gestures at me on the school run,what do i do iam so upset

OP posts:
mummydear · 17/10/2006 23:50

Skippydog - please explain further what you mean by 'politically correct ' and 'real world' ?

colditz · 17/10/2006 23:51

Realistically, I would have rung her and explained that if she has a problem with my child tell me.

And realistically, my child would not be playing out without an adult at 5 years old.

Realistically, I really do not want my child to see violence as an answer to anything. by going over their and 'decking' the woman, you would teach the child that hitting is fine.

Realistically, if the OP's child is as antagonistic and aggressive as the OP, she needs to be taught some social skills before someone else pushes her for being a pest. I am not saying pushing is right, kind or even forgivable - but it isn't surprising, is it? Just because the OP finds a five year old standing in the way and refusing to move charming and twee, doesn't mean nobody else will ever find it very very irritating, decidedly uncharming and rude.

colditz · 17/10/2006 23:52

FWIW Skippydog, dss won't do that at that age because I won't let them. It's rude and annoying.

colditz · 17/10/2006 23:57

And I do hate the way it is assumed I don't live in the real world. My world is rather too fucking real for my liking, thank you very much. I would love to live in a delicately gardened lane where blond children scrump apples and have scabby knees, but I don't.

I live on a council estate, where the kids scrump mopeds and have scabby faces and no teeth. they come into your garden and steal your children's toys, because they have no respect for adults. And they have no respect for adults because they know that one word out of you, and their mum will come over, fag dangling, shriek fishwifely obscenities through the living room window, and if you go out to talk to her, she will deck you.

That is the real world, but just because that's the way it is, doesn't mean that is the way it should be, or that is the way it will always be.

willowcatkin · 18/10/2006 00:11

5 year old should not be playing out unsupervised - what happened was entirely the parent's fault for failing in her duty as a parent to look after her child - particularly one silly enough to bother neighbours with 'passwords'.

skippydog · 18/10/2006 00:31

Get over yourselves - I too live in a council estate - why is that held up in this site as a badgeof honour - so eplain why me being violent on my childs behalf is so horrific - but a 28 year old can be violent to a 5 year old - double bloody standards,

Spannapiana · 18/10/2006 09:01

Violence is no way to show a 5 year old how to behave. It's not right that an adult allegedly assaulted a child, but then who put the child in such a vulnerable position in the first place?
I too have a (nearly) 5 year old, he hasn't even grasped the concept of what a password is let alone irritate neighbours. If he did, there are far better ways than "decking" the neighbour. And he's most certainly not allowed to play in the street unsupervised.

Out of interest, how was the child punished for being so rude to a stranger laden with shopping bags not being allowed to her own front door?

colditz · 18/10/2006 09:07

Who says it is a badge of honour? Your attitude 'violent on my child's behalf' sums up why council estates have such a crappy reputation. It isn't double standards. Nobody has said what the woman did was right, or acceptable, so how is it double standards?

being violent on your child's behalf teaches your child that he/she can do as they please, and if people disagree, they don't have to worry about explaining their point of view, or involving the law, or even whether they are right or wrong. They just go and tell mum, who will deck someone. That's why it is horrific, not because of the violence, but because of the message you give to your children about violence.

hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:15

so its ok for the 28year old to use violence on my dd then is it?NO it isnt&if nothing was said or done my dd would see that,as for my dd playing out unsupervised i donot have to justify why my dd was out but i will say that i live in a small culdesac,lots of children play out there together along with my ds12,my dd is a very well mannered sweet child&in no way would she ever be mouthy to an adult thank you,im discusted at some of the posts on here i just hope none of your dds/ds get hurt by an adult as who would protect them!

OP posts:
HumphreyComfreyCushion · 18/10/2006 09:24

skippydog, please highlight a post on this thread that has condoned the fact that this neighbour pushed this child.

I can see some that say they would be irritated by the child's behaviour, but none that say they approve of the way the neighbour behaved.

Being violent on your kid's behalf is horrific.

I agree that there is a double standard on this thread, but it is from the OP, not other posters. The OP expects her daughter not to be treated in the way she has, but she was not supervising her child to ensure her safety.

She can't have it both ways - either she accepts responsibility for her child, and therefore supervises her properly, or she doesn't, and accepts that her daughter is likely to run into problems - after all she is only 5 years old!

A five year old needs protecting. The OP should have protected her daughter.

Instead of realising this, and making efforts to properly supervise her child from now on, she reacts by calling the police and wants to behave violently towards this neighbour.

Not a brilliant example to set her child, IMO.

Everyone in this situation should be responsible for their actions. The neighbour should apologise (but I doubt she will now the police have been involved), the little girl should apologise, and the OP should ensure her daughter is properly supervised at all times.

She should be relieved that something worse didn't happen, IMO, as not many 5 year olds have good traffic sense.

The neighbour behaved badly, but so did the OP.

My post is far from being politically correct, as I believe that people should be responsible for their own behaviour, and not expect someone else to sort out their problems for them.

I certainly don't subscribe to the current blame culture, where everyone attempts to pass the buck to someone else.

Just because I don't agree in behaving like a thug doesn't mean I need to 'get over myself' either.

What's so difficult in attempting to solve this problem by talking - you know, like a responsible adult?

colditz · 18/10/2006 09:28

HBAT, you seem to be deliberately missing the point.

No

It is not ok for an adult to hurt a child.

Nobody here has said it is ok.

Neither is it ok for an adult to hurt another adult.

Nobody is critisizing the way you let your daughter play out.

But it has been pointed out that if such a small child had not been unsupervised, the whole incident would not have occurred.

Of course you believe your daughter is a sweet, well mannered child, she is your daughter.

But the fact remains, she was standing in someone's way and refusing to move.

This is not an act of good manners. This is an act of bad manners.

My children will not need to be protected from other adults at the age of 5. I would be present.

hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:30

HumphreyComfreyCushion there is NO traffic it is a small culdesac,am i meant to lock my dd up then&let her sit&cry at the window watchin her friends play out?they are as young as 3 out there as it is a safe place to play apart from this neighbour,so if i make my dd apologise doesnt that tell her she was in the wrong&not the nieghbour?i have told her not to do this to anyone again but,as for saying it is my fault as she was unsupervised would you say that to all the children that have been injured/killed e.g jamie bulger I DOUBT you would as it doesnt make it ok what the offender did just because the parent let their child have some freedom&play out the front does it

OP posts:
HumphreyComfreyCushion · 18/10/2006 09:30

re "I'm discusted at some of the posts on here i just hope none of your dds/ds get hurt by an adult as who would protect them!"

My children wouldn't get hurt by an adult at the age of 5, because I'd be out there making sure they didn't. It's called parental responsibility!

It just doesn't seem to be sinking in with you, hanging.

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 18/10/2006 09:31

No, you can let her play out, but you have to be able to keep an eye on her at all times and make sure she is safe - as per my email of about two days ago!!!!

hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:32

colditz lock your dd up do you?so what am i meant to do lock her up or stand outside with her?so what do i do with my baby leave him in the house?DAH?

OP posts:
hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:33

so you play out with your kids too then HumphreyComfreyCushion ,no one else does in my road,there is times where iam out there for an hour with my little ds but it is impossible all the time,i am always checking so are the other NICER neighbours

OP posts:
HumphreyComfreyCushion · 18/10/2006 09:37

RE: "as for saying it is my fault as she was unsupervised would you say that to all the children that have been injured/killed e.g jamie bulger I DOUBT you would as it doesnt make it ok what the offender did just because the parent let their child have some freedom&play out the front does it"

Where have I ever said that what happened to these children is OK?

I find it really offensive that you would make this huge, inaccurate and upsetting leap in logic.

And to compare the situation with your daughter to that of Jamie Bulger is sick.

You are clearly incapable of seeing that you have a part to play in this situation, and that it is your fault that you weren't keeping an eye on your child.

I hope it works out for you all, but I've wasted enough virtual ink on this thread.

redbullbloodandbump · 18/10/2006 09:38

i havent read this thread all the way through just the first message and a general jist of what is peoples responses.

so am i reading this right? a 5 year old is playing a game "password" and the so called neighbour pushes her out of the way and hurts the little girl and people are saying saying the little girl has no manners???????

who was the adult in this situation? the little girl was only 5 FGS,many of times i have walked up our cul-de-sac there are kids of the ages 8+ blocking the path instead of getting in to a debate with them i just walk around them, why on earth couldnt this woman do the same?? i think its her that needs to be taught some manners
Rightly so you called the police, beleave if it had been me the so called woman would of been calling the police as i would be banging on her door, hangingbyathread i hope the police sort this out for you this woman should not be allowed to get away with this.

katierocket · 18/10/2006 09:38

I wouldn't let my DS (5) play out unsupervised. Agree that it's very rude to stand on the pavement and not move for an adult. Said adult should not have pushed her but I think you're overreacting terribly.

hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:38

HumphreyComfreyCushion you said as i was not supervising my child its my fault!!

OP posts:
gemmz · 18/10/2006 09:39

You didnt actually see this assault take place did you? my 5 yr old once told me his teaher threw him to the floor and hit him!! I dont believe he was telling the truth!

hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:40

redbullbloodandbump thank you,im glad there are a few that feel the same as me

OP posts:
hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:40

gemmz as said it was witnessed by 2 adults&2 kids thank s

OP posts:
gemmz · 18/10/2006 09:41

have the police got back to you yet then?

hangingbyathread · 18/10/2006 09:43

aparently my neighbours told me they called round monday whilst i was doing the school run,i will just have to wait

OP posts: