Am I the only working mother who DOESNT feel guilty about it?

[mrsleomcgary]

Read a couple of features/articles in the papers over the last few days and where the subject is a working mother they all talk about the guilt they about it. Which has made me realise that actually, I don't feel guilty about working full time.

My pfb is 9 months old and I love her more than anything. I went back to work full time when she was 7 months old and childcare is split between dh (who works shifts) my inlaws and a childminder 1 day a week. I changed jobs just after going back to work and one of my new colleagues in particular is aghast that I work full time,not in a judgey way but she's a good bit older so maybe it's more of a generation thing, and even friends comment how hard it must be. But it's not,i love my job and can't imagine being home with the baby all day everyday.

I realise that given my situation with childcare and the fact I actually enjoy my job I am incredibly lucky and in other circumstances perhaps I would feel that guilt. Financially I have to work full time but I'm not convinced I would work part time we're it a viable option. Anyone else or am I the evil hag mother from hell?

I actually did enjoy mat leave and do enjoy my day off with dd, but still don't feel guilty about not being there more. She goes to holiday club for the first time tomorrow though. Will see how I feel after that!

I get 40 days! It's been a life saver with illness this year - ds1 started preschool and was ill for almost two months.

DS does cry when I drop him off at nursery. It makes me sad but I don't feel guilty because me going to work is the best thing for all of us, for various reasons.
I work pt and I prefer the days when I'm off with DS to the days I'm at work but I couldn't be at home all day everyday.
This thread is interesting. I'd always assumed that after kids start school there wouldn't be much reason to be home during the week. Maybe I need to carry on pt working for longer

Bigkidsdidit. 40 days! Lucky you!!
I have worked out that 50 plus stats would be my absolute ideal (and likely utterly unachievable) but ooh I'd be delighted with 40!

I work full time as part time jobs in my field are like hens teeth, I like my job and don't feel guilty at all. The way I look at is I am being a good role model for my girls and showing my son that women are more than an unpaid servant

Siennasun. In term time when little, I found play dates at home help with friendships and our nanny did these mostly.

But it's the holidays that really hurt for me. And that gets more challenging as older. They don't think they need nannies or childminders, want time and space and mixing with friends so other than the odd sports camp which they will agree to (thankfully!), what to do? Home alone is not an option but they will be determined it is.
And then there are all those days that are one offs. Nativity plays, sports events, carol services, exam leave, visits to new schools, uni visits, and of course drs appts, dentists, orthodontists, sickness etc etc etc.
My ideal part time would be full time (or 4 day week) but with extra leave!

No guilt here either. I am the primary wage earner and always have been. Admittedly the 35 days of leave and flexible working conditions help, but that is offset by the long hours that creep in when we are busy.

In a way I think I get the better deal - I am "nice parent" when rooms have to be cleaned and homework has to be finished, getting home just as it is all done.

It is a shame that the mother's narrative is either I am a working mother and should feel guilt or I am a stay at home mother and should feel guilt. Parenting is not a competitive sport and as far as I can see families muddle along with the work life balance as well as they can. I just wish there was a more balanced view in the media, but I guess "families doing OK" doesn't sell newspapers and celebrities have to keep to the story of parental guilt if they have a pitch to make.

Controversial, probably, but I'd feel guilty for not working. I'd feel as though I was teaching my children that my place was in the home, and Dad's was at work.

Can relate to those comments too.
And love my work.
Did take a career break earlier to try it out - horrified when I heard oldest DD talking about the future which was school, uni, work then babies and QUIT! seemed to think you had to!
One of - several - reasons I went back.
Working or not is a personal decision and neither option easy. But didn't want DD thinking there was no choice!
But holidays are hard.
And not being there is hard.
DCs getting older and soon won't be around so the missed opportunities become more precious, if that makes sense?
Couldn't do full time at home though.
But 35 days hols plus flex working would certainly help.
I get much less than that in current company. Which is part of (maybe most of?) my problem.
Sorry. Didn't meant to hijack thread.

Juggling you've made lots of good points I'd not thought of. In my profession it's hard to find jobs that are not term time only which is limiting while DS is preschool but may be more useful than I'd realised when he's at school. I'm going to show this thread to DH who is very "supportive" of me going back to ft and the extra money it will bring in

I've never felt at all guilty. My dd is happy and thriving, and we are incredibly close - I've never felt that she missed out because of my work, and at times, she has benefitted. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

I am fortunate, though, as I have always been paid enough to afford decent childcare (though we no longer need to use it). Also, my job is ultra-flexible and I get 44 days holiday per year, including the bank holidays.

I went to see a small, local independant school recently. They offer proper, wrap around care, including during holidays, offering a range of activities and homework clubs, proper cooked meals, quiet/reading areas etc. The kids looked happy, calm, confidant.
The parents almost all work so most playdates are at weekends, as are homework assignments and school events. Parents evenings are exactly that...evenings.

State school doesn't support working parents (12 weeks holidays a year? why?? Why not spread the work out a bit so kids are less pressured or benefit from more extra curricular activities?). Its like some sort of conspiracy to keep women out of the workplace. The whole system is archaic and doesn't recognise things have moved on a bit since the 1950s.

That's interesting about the schools. Dd1 isn't 3 yet but when I visit her potential schools I will ask how they interact with parents.

I don't. I work 4 days, we can therefore afford our home and the odd holiday and dd loves her cm and the other children who attend.

Well I can report holiday club went well so I still don't feel guilty. Was a bit worried as dd is only 3 and still has toilet accidents and the holiday club is for kids up to 11 but there was a separate room for littlies, plenty of her friends from nursery and they went bowling yesterday and are doing the cinema today. Is also a bargainous £20 for an 8-6 day which in London is amazing. Every school should have one!

Ps I have noticed a real difference in the schools' attitudes to working parents round here (all state primaries). The one where dd goes to nursery allows you to take your free 15 hours as two and a half full days, then there is breakfast, holiday and after school at a reasonable price. Some of the more middle class schools just offer 3 hours per day with no opportunity to top up and no holiday care. They seem to think everyone has a nanny. It's factor into my decision about where to apply for a reception place even though they are otherwise supposedly more desirable schools.

I work very nearly full time, and feel no guilt. I think I would only feel guilty if I wasn't sure that DS was well looked after and happy while I am working.

Nope, I don't feel guilty either - but then I was raised by a working mum and know that I wasn't harmed by it :) I also have an amazing childminder whom my son adores. He loves going to her. Maybe I'd feel guilty if he didn't?