Am I the only working mother who DOESNT feel guilty about it?

[mrsleomcgary]

Read a couple of features/articles in the papers over the last few days and where the subject is a working mother they all talk about the guilt they about it. Which has made me realise that actually, I don't feel guilty about working full time.

My pfb is 9 months old and I love her more than anything. I went back to work full time when she was 7 months old and childcare is split between dh (who works shifts) my inlaws and a childminder 1 day a week. I changed jobs just after going back to work and one of my new colleagues in particular is aghast that I work full time,not in a judgey way but she's a good bit older so maybe it's more of a generation thing, and even friends comment how hard it must be. But it's not,i love my job and can't imagine being home with the baby all day everyday.

I realise that given my situation with childcare and the fact I actually enjoy my job I am incredibly lucky and in other circumstances perhaps I would feel that guilt. Financially I have to work full time but I'm not convinced I would work part time we're it a viable option. Anyone else or am I the evil hag mother from hell?

Either DS gets a snappy, shit, resentful mum 24 hours a day, or a relaxed, happy, fun mum (well, for the most part) mornings, evenings and weekends (plus all his friends at nursery). I think we're both happy with the current arrangement.

Not guilty at all! They go to before and after school club, have a group of friends of all ages, and have a great time.
They do crafts, play bingo, football when it's nice weather, dressing up, baking...
In fact the only time they have become upset is when I turned up early to take them out before the end!

I don't feel guilty but I wish I didn't have to work.

Nope, never felt guilty but my 2 never cried when being dropped off at nursery and I have a couple of friends who DC cried every single day for months and the guilt ate them up

I did feel sad about going back to work both times but that was sadness at leaving my easy, lazy, no-pressure, all the time in the world maternity leave behind rather than going back to work iyswim.

No guilt here either. I skipped off back to work after 6 months mat leave for all 3 of mine. I find being at home with kids utterly exhausting whereas my very full on, hectic job is energising.

Nope. Truely believe I am doing the best for DD and that the set up we have is perfect for the situation we live in.

I don't think that working mothers feel half as guilty as the media professes them to.

It's lazy journalism: hmm a story about women...women are mothers...some women work...ooh guilt, that's it! And look how well it works, here we are denying we feel guilty as if we are signing up to a secret pact.

Bollocks to guilt. I just spent a week in a foreign country with work, kids were fine and I was too busy to miss them.

Nope, no guilt. Love work, work FT. Was rubbish at being at home / working less, got depressed.

i don't. i felt i had to explain myself all the time when i was a sahm though. This is much easier. in every way.

Maybe the guilty ones are those who hate their jobs like me

totally agree with the lazy journalism thing

I don't feel guilty about leaving DD at nursery. I do feel guilty that I can't do a full time job in part time hours and that I can't do my fair share around the house, mainly because work gets the best of me. I need a proper pt job, then I wouldn't feel guilty about anything!

Like some other people have said, I'd rather not work, but that's related to my own inherent laziness and the difficulties associated with physically getting myself and two toddlers out of the house by 7.30am, rather then feelings of guilt. Maternity leave was a breeze compared to this.

I don't really think about them at all while I'm at work, but that's probably because I know they're happy with who's looking after them and they've never got upset when I've left them.

No guilt here. Crèche has all sorts of childcare experience that I'm just getting the hang of, I have all sorts of experience I'm getting paid well for. Win win! Fortunately my DS loves being around lots of other adults and children, much more fun than day after day with boring old mummy.

Also every moment of our family evenings and weekends are precious, we appreciate each other much more than when I was on mat leave.

Seriously improved relationship with DH too.

Wish people would not be so judgy though. Im tired of people assuming I'll toddle off to have another or that I'm not prepared to travel for work without even asking me

I did to start off with, because DD (who is a sensitive little soul) would get very upset when I left. I'll never forget the second day, when she clung to me with her heart beating like crazy

I worried that I was being unfair to her and selfish, since I went back because I love my job. But I didn't even consider becoming a sahm, since in my profession, I wouldn't have been able to come back into it after a longer break, and... well... that's just not something I was willing to consider.

But now she waves me off happily . I benefit a lot from the head-space I get at work, and she benefits a lot from her relationship with her lovely nanny and also with the little boy who she shares her nanny with. I'm certain that this is the right thing for us as a family - so no guilt at all now.

It IS annoying when people are judgemental about this choice. It's almost as though they are scared to believe that a different choice from theirs might be ok - since then they might have made the wrong one. I strongly believe that there's no right answer - there are consequences either way, and only you can weigh them up and decide what's best for your family.

BUT, much though I'd like to believe (and did believe, before having DD) that it's the same for men and women, it generally isn't. Not because there's anything magically different between the genders, but because usually by the time you go back to work after maternity leave, the baby is far more strongly attached to the mother than the father, and that's important. Sure, it's partly cultural and partly down to individual circumstances: if you're one of the rare couples who share both parental leave and child care equally - then you go!

No guilt at all - children happy and well cared for whilst I returned to my challenging and fulfilling career - dh 100% supportive and happy to share anything that needs doing 50/50. It works for us but doesn't make for interesting reading I suppose!

Oh no I don't feel guilt. I love my job and needed to go back when DS was 5 months for myself separate to the financial need.

What winds me up is having to justify why I am only taking 4 months this time. DH is a fantastic SAHP and therefore if I don't go back to work bills won't be paid. Sure, if my maternity covered me for 6 months I'd be at home till then. What would be the point of us crippling ourselves financially just so I could say I stayed at home?! I'm a terrible sahm, I don't like baby/toddler groups, I lack imagination and I get a bit stir crazy at home all the time. DH however is fantastic. It's a simple choice yet at work I get the head tilt and 'well I couldn't leave my little one at that age'. Grrrr.

Nope, and I'm sure if they got to choose between me personally grinning at them 24/7 vs. all the cool stuff we get to do because I work they'd agree.

They don't get to choose because I'm not interested in option 1 so I'm not offering.

I think if dh was a SAHD or I had family childcare I would find it a lot easier. On a Friday dh finishes at 2:30pm and picks dd up from school then ds up from nursery. Work always seems so much easier when I don't have the stress of nursery runs and know that the kids are at home with a parent.

off to attempt to destroy dh's career

Nope.

And Xenia and Scottishmummy would also say "yah boo sucks" to guilt, so add in their votes!

Nope. I have never felt or understood the guilt. It's a non issue for me.

Now, they are 7 and 9 and guilt is creeping in. I cant afford not to work ( main breadwinner ) but feel now, despite being fully confident in our childminder, that they are missing out more. I wish I could have more walking home from school chats, esp with the older one , I wish I could help with school work after school instead of having to do it later when we are all tired, and I wish I could have their friends over more after school

Oops ! The bolder bit I agree with
When you work all week & then have to do homework & having friends round at the weekend it's hard :(
Much easier to put preschoolers in nursery as no homework when they come home tired & whiny
& holidays & secondary school massive problem
Dont want my brand new year 7 coming home to empty house when he's got starting a new school to contend with

No guilt here.
Went back when DS was 6months old. 4 days a week, compacted hours so FT.
It saved my sanity. I became a better Mum. I started working 5 days a week when DS was 10 purely for career progression & when I wasn't needed for school drop off / pick ups.

Interesting that a few of you have said you find it more of a struggle now your kids are older as I admit thats what worries me. I currently work 20miles from home so leave before 8am and dont get back until 6pm and I hate the thoughtof never being able to pick her up or drop her off. Of course this is 5 years down the line and I have no way of knowing my circumstances then but it does play on my mind.

My mum worked part time from when I was about a year old and says I was far better off with the childminder than with her. For example if I asked what a sign said my childminder used to stop and help me sound out the word whereas mum used to just tell me. All my friends with kids dont live locally to me as I recently moved to a new area so by going to the childminder dd gets to mix with other kids which she just wouldnt get to otherwise.