My son is aggressive ? Yours is a push over *age 2/3

[Thaleiax2]

Hi,

just want to have your thoughts. We moved to a new area and still need to make new friends. My DS is 2.4 years old. We are in 2 playgroups in the area but he is the oldest.

We see two other boys, both aged 3 at their or our home and the playground. One just left and his mum was commenting on how aggressive DS. I am shocked. I think that boys should be exactly like that!

DS is physical, it runs in the family. My DH plays rugby and my brother and nephews are wrestlers (greek roman not American show jumping), he can tackle and fall, he likes running around and does everything with a big fat smile on his face. Is he getting it wrong something, yes. Is he a handful, yes. Does he hit, no. He doesn't cry either, well at least not easily. Having said that, he is 2 years old and is unreasonable, can not share and is basically a bipolar teenager and has to deal with the fact that he has now a 6 months old brother which also needs mummy's attention.

I see her son as a cry baby and push over. When DS started to playful wrestle with him, on the one hand she said to him: darling, tell him no and on the other, push back, defend yourself. And her son is crying all the time. She is very nice though! And she is expecting another baby, so they are similar to our situation.

The other mum and her DS is on the same page as I am. Let the children sort themselves out. Of course that doesn't mean they should kill each other but till one cries or almost cries we let them be.

What do you think is aggressive or what would you consider being a push over. I am a bit rattled as I never thought I would be the mother of the bully. As I said, he is 2.

Thx,
Thali

You asked what you should do as your ds doesn't like sharing, etc?

Mmmm, try parenting your child. Sit down and explain about being kind, thinking of others, etc. if he still doesn't get it and is being mean then think about things like the naughty step.

If I were the other mum I'd be finding other play dates rather than continuing allowing her son to be upset by yours.

I can't bear aggressive rough play, and we have definitely put distance between us and friends whose sons are like that. My DS is really sporty (etc) but has always hated the sort of physical grappling that some of the boys in his class STILL seem to do. You can just see that he is thinking, 'Sort yourself out, you look foolish.'

It may be cute at 2, but when they are still doing it at 9 it is just bloody annoying.

You tried to clear up your idea of what boys are by listing further things that, in your opinion, make a boy

My ds isn't old enough to have his own interests yet, but I've learnt all about diggers and mud and snails etc etc from my dd. She is no less of a girl because she likes these things. Similarly your friends ds is no less of a boy for having feelings.

Boys are not supposed to be aggressive. They're supposed to be well rounded individuals. If you and your dh only encourage certain traits (in this case physical) he is likely to become emotionally stunted. Especially when you think a two year old crying over something perfectly legitmate is being a cry baby .

Your son, both your sons, need to learn boundaries. Be rough with those that will enjoy it, don't with children who don't.

My df didn't cry, not once, when his parents died, because a 'man doesn't cry.' And he loved them, he loved them so much, but because of some ridiculous notion that it would somehow make him weak he didn't grieve properly. Can you imagine not being able to cry when your parents die? Can you imagine your ds's not crying for you when you and your dh go? Because by bringing them up to believe that boys are agressive, outdoorsy, dominant, muddy, dirty, rough and tumble explorers who don't cry (and presumably girls the total opposite) you are teaching them very antiquated views on genders roles. And from a very young age, and it will impact them as they grow.

Deputy - I suspect, from what the OP has said so far, that she would consider any man crying at a funeral to be a "crybaby" and that he should "man up".