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Original poster

My son is aggressive ? Yours is a push over *age 2/3

105 replies

Thaleiax2 · 22/09/2014 19:13

Hi,

just want to have your thoughts. We moved to a new area and still need to make new friends. My DS is 2.4 years old. We are in 2 playgroups in the area but he is the oldest.

We see two other boys, both aged 3 at their or our home and the playground. One just left and his mum was commenting on how aggressive DS. I am shocked. I think that boys should be exactly like that!

DS is physical, it runs in the family. My DH plays rugby and my brother and nephews are wrestlers (greek roman not American show jumping), he can tackle and fall, he likes running around and does everything with a big fat smile on his face. Is he getting it wrong something, yes. Is he a handful, yes. Does he hit, no. He doesn't cry either, well at least not easily. Having said that, he is 2 years old and is unreasonable, can not share and is basically a bipolar teenager and has to deal with the fact that he has now a 6 months old brother which also needs mummy's attention.

I see her son as a cry baby and push over. When DS started to playful wrestle with him, on the one hand she said to him: darling, tell him no and on the other, push back, defend yourself. And her son is crying all the time. She is very nice though! And she is expecting another baby, so they are similar to our situation.

The other mum and her DS is on the same page as I am. Let the children sort themselves out. Of course that doesn't mean they should kill each other but till one cries or almost cries we let them be.

What do you think is aggressive or what would you consider being a push over. I am a bit rattled as I never thought I would be the mother of the bully. As I said, he is 2.

Thx,
Thali

OP posts:
Littlefish · 22/09/2014 22:29

Very good post whethergirl.

Lally112 · 22/09/2014 22:34

My boys are like this, generally rough and tumble wee boys who like rough play but they cant really be arsed with boys who aren't the same, there is a cry baby boy who has always been in eldests class and most of the boys just don't play with him because hes boring to them because he doesn't play rough. I think maybe they just like different kinds of play but your son may actually become bored of this little boy too.

Notso · 22/09/2014 22:36

I have four children, three are quite placid and quiet, one is loud, and can be aggressive. I don't think there is anything wrong with any of them they are just different.
The mindset that boys are all rough and tumble is daft. What if your baby turns out to be less physical, will you tell him he needs to toughen up? Will you let his older brother constantly wrestle and play fight with him until he cries?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 22/09/2014 22:37

I thought the point of being a parent is to guide and teach our children how to behave and how to socialise with others.

Not to leave them to it and let them use physical strength to do and get whatever they want.

I also think that calling a tiny child ' a cry baby and push over' is disgusting,. But I suspect the OP is doing that for effect so she can have engineer a ruckus on here herself. As she says, it runs in the family.

CoteDAzur · 22/09/2014 22:44

Is this a reverse? Surely no sane parent would think all boys are supposed to be physically aggressive and call a little 2-year-old "a cry baby and push over".

5madthings · 22/09/2014 22:46

lally maybe you should teach your boys it's not ok to be rough and tumble all the time. Nor is it ok to call another child a 'cry baby boy.

Ffs I hate this boy's will be boys bollocks.

All children have lots of energymnastics and lots of them like rough play. Mine do as well, but they need to learn when and where it's acceptable. It's only ok if all are having fun and somewhere safe ie wwith the space to roll around etc. And when someone says stop/enough you stop. Wrestling etc is fun, ds2 (12) and ds3(9) were dojng it this e've but we're watched by dp to make sure it didn't go too far and they were both laughing and having fun. When dd (3) wanted to join in they knew to be careful as she is much smaller than them.

Letting kids be rough for the sake of it and dismissing it as 'boys being boy's is shit, as is labelling other children 'cry babies's if they dont like rough play.

worstmistakeever · 22/09/2014 22:49

Some kids quite enjoy rough play and some don't. Sometimes the ones who don't like it change and come to like it (and visa versa).

I think you try to teach them to respect the boundaries of other people; playing rough is okay as long as no one is hurt or unhappy about it.

Doesn't matter if other lad is a wuss, even at 2yo he's allowed to demand respect for his own boundaries. He doesn't enjoy rough play (right now) & others should respect that (even other 2yos).

IneedAwittierNickname · 22/09/2014 22:54

Cote sadly some parents really do think that. I've been told that my son is a wuss, a girly boy, that he isn't a real boy, and my personal favourite "that's the problem with single mums. Their sons don't have a dad to teach them how to be a man" Angry

Lally112 · 22/09/2014 22:58

5mad it is ok for them to be rough and tumble all the time, they like rough play, as their father and I did at their ages. Its no big deal here, all the boys play rough together and some of the girls too and we did the same when we were kids. I was the youngest of 6 with 5 older boys and I could land one on them as good as they could me, some kids like rough play girls or boys.

PacificDogwood · 22/09/2014 22:58

I would have loved to have a quiet, 'softer' child - boy or girl, but none of mine are and I have struggled with that.

I think teaching them consideration for others and their needs beyond their own is really important, but IME before they are about 4 or so, it's very hit and miss and they need to be removed from the situation if/when they are rough. Boys AND girls to be clear - the 'boys will be boys' rubbish gives me The Rage (but I only have experience of my kids).

CoteDAzur · 22/09/2014 23:02

INeed Shock

I have known parents to ignore their children's aggression against other children but thankfully had never before come across a mother who takes pride in it.

5madthings · 22/09/2014 23:02

It's not ok to be roughastly and tumble all the time! There is a time anda place and it certainly wouldn't be tolerated at our school. It's also very unfair on other children and kids need to be taught respect for others and their boundaries.

And yes some kid's like rough play, some of my boys do and so does my daughter, four boys and one girl. But they Stoll need to learn boundaries and appropriate behaviour.

Its also not ok for adults to label other children as cry babies, I would have a think what that is teaching your children...

RubyGoat · 22/09/2014 23:04

Sorry but you lost me at I think that boys should be exactly like that!

  • why should all boys be encouraged to be aggressive?
  • If aggression were a positive trait, why would you only encourage it in boys, as your post clearly implies?

I really hope this is a reverse.

5madthings · 22/09/2014 23:05

Yes Pacific little kids aren't able to empathise bit as you say that's when parents step in and you gradually teach them.

I aagree it can be hard having boisterous children but they can and do learn what is and isn't appropriate, with guidance.

We enrolled three of our boys in kung fu classes so they have an outlet and it also teaches them self control and discipline.

PacificDogwood · 22/09/2014 23:09

5madthings, yep, we've got tae kwon do for exactly that reason.
And the World's Largest Trampline.
And bikes.
And no screen time before dark (in the winter)

Sigh.

It's is still a challenge.

'Cry baby' is a really nasty phrase IMO - people cry when they are upset and if a child is easily upset, well, then the cause for the upset needs to be dealt with. Over time they will mature a bit, hopefully, and not take quite as many things quite so much to heart.

5madthings · 22/09/2014 23:13

Yes trampoline here and my kids walk/scooter or bike the two miles to School everyday! They NEED to be aactive.

Yes to limiting screen time as they go mad once they get off it!

And cry baby is a really nasty phrase, often aimed at boy's :( to hear adults using it is :( Angry

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 22/09/2014 23:15

Vile. DS (nearly three) is very physical and likes to rough house and generally is a bit of a wrecking ball. So you know, we channel that into appropriate forms and teach him where and when you can act like that, and what the boundaries are. He's still little so does get carried away (and spent a good portion of a recent holiday whacking his older cousins) but you've got to be a Class A bitch to label anotherw child as a cry baby, and a useless parent to not stop your small child cheerfully beating on another.

And yes, boys will be boys is such bollocks. Shit parents will be shit parents and gender stereotypes hurt everyone.

CultureSucksDownWords · 22/09/2014 23:18

"Shit parents will be shit parents, and gender stereotypes hurt everyone" - this is it in a nutshell.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 23/09/2014 07:07

It's not ok to be aggressive and it's not ok to wrestle other children if they don't like it. Don't bring your child up to be a bully. There's always one at nursery or play group and at this rate your child is going to be labelled as it. Saying another child is a cry baby is horrible. Not all children like rough play and as a parent you should be watching what's acceptable and saying 'no'.

youbethemummylion · 23/09/2014 07:13

I've always taught my boys that a play fight is only a play fight if everyone is happy if anyone is crying or hurt its not a play fight its just a fight and fighting is wrong.

Thumbwitch · 23/09/2014 07:18

Yeah...
I'd steer well clear of you and your bullyboy, frankly.
If you don't check his exuberance, he's going to think it's fine to push over other kids, especially those who are easy to push over. He's going to think that he can do what he likes so long as they don't cry; but if they do cry then Mummy is going to tell him that that's because they're cry babies, so don't worry about it.

He's going to grow up to be such a charmer. Not.

AggressiveBunting · 23/09/2014 07:20

a play fight is only a play fight if everyone is happy

This

My 2 yr old DD is a physical child and she loves play fighting with her older brother (mock wrestling etc). Sometimes she will then also try to play in this way with her friends- sometimes it's well received, other times not.

If another child doesn't like it, then she needs to learn to take cues from that and not continue the behaviour. As she's only two, I need to actively ensure that she does that.

I also think there's a think line between just being physical and being aggressive and it's important to make sure they stay on the right side of the line.

PrincessAnnaOfArundale · 23/09/2014 07:22

This attitude of 'boys should be strong and able to 'fight' or wrestle' etc is exactly what is wrong with society. It utterly irritates me that boys who are gentle and considerate are considered cry babies or 'easy targets'.

No it's not bloody OK to leave them until they are nearly in tears. Think what message you are sending to your son. I am afraid if your child 'wrestled' either of my boys there would be consequences. You need to rethink your parenting before you end up with a complete bully on your hands.

Children need to learn not to do things when someone else isn't enjoying it. Teach the boy some respect and for goodness sake get it out of your head that boys aren't supposed to be sensitive or gentle. I find your view of what a boy 'should be' offensive. You sound incredibly immature.

paddlenorapaddle · 23/09/2014 07:22

Oh my life I've heard it all now ! Cry errrrm yup that's because he is a baby

I've got a "proper" little boy and as far as we are concerned being a proper little boy means sharing, playing together, being kind and not making other children cry

I'm actually a bit Shock that you think this is ok, if you don't nip it in the bud you are storing up huge problems for the future. It'll be a different story when he's older and you won't do what he wants what's he going to do then !