Stay at home mums with kids at school, why dont they get jobs??

[sleepinbeauty]

Just a bit hacked off with mums at school, they moan about having no life away from their kids/ not much money, yet they all seem to refuse to get jobs or careers!
why do some women just want to do sweet FA all day when their kids are at school? They seem content for their husbands to slog their guts out at work while they drink cups of tea and watch daytime tv! Dont get it! i think its called laziness??

I think dh worries about being sole bread winner. He is only on a modest wage, I work parttime to top things up. We can't afford a mortgage at the moment either and sometimes I harp on a bit about wanting a bigger house when I probably shouldn't.
But we do talk about money and sort things out between us and both pay bills.
We also have seperate bank accounts. Dh doesn't give me any money from his salary, he pays the rent, council tax, car insurance, internet, tv liscence etc. I pay for food and elec and gas.
I see this as fair.
Couldn't imagine just living on child benefit and child tax credit - how can people afford it?!

thats brilliant annie

no it doesnt sound unbelievable

isnt it sad we all feel we have to justify what we do (not meaning you specifically annie )

Dros
No my DH is a workaholic altho he would deny it so he doesnt get stressed about being breadwinner.He encouraged me to stop work.
He does envy me at times tho

And my DH at the moment is really the sole breadwinner - my wages barely match the nursery fees (which isn't a simple calculation, I know). He hates it. He feels incredibly pressured. He can't wait for the children to be at school!

DROSOPHILIA I DID OVER HERE:

By iota on Wednesday, 20 September, 2006 8:07:06 PM
drosophila - I have asked my dh if he is worried or stressed about being the sole wage earner - he's not (genuinely).

so do you see yourself re-establishing a career within sch hours at that point then, MP?

ran: oh yes please let's hope so

morning paper I have never seen it as financial dependence maybe we just share more as a couple than you do

God, my dh isn't envious at all. He's quite open about it - he finds work easier than being at home with the kids (although slightly different scenario if they are all out at school)

because that's my fear. I want to give up now but dread in 4 yrs time being bossed about by some jumped up childless 20-something,I'm too proud! I know to take time out wd lead to me stepping many pegs down the career ladder. isn't this what keeps so many of us WOHM going?

that was to mp, btw.

ishouldbedoingtheironing: But it is financial dependence. As a mother, and as a family, you are financially dependent on your partner. It might make you feel uncomfortable but that is what it is.

Rantothehills: I had a bit of a change in direction when I gave up FT work, now I do bits and pieces here and there which I suppose are sort of 'consultant-y' based on previous experience I have had. So mainly I work self-employed, and the work I do as an employee is for lovely people who I really respect and enjoy working with. I know I'm very lucky there.

Good for you then, sure you cd do free-lance journo stuff now, too!

Morning paper
Ive just never seen it like that - honest
We depend on each other for different things like he can never find things and I know where everything is [apparantly]
I also dont need to work financially and used to feel guilty that I was earning a good salary which I didnt need.

Drosophila - in answer to your question, my dh does find it stressful being the only breadwinner - as would I have done if we had decided that he would be a SAHD. When we were both working we had the luxury of knowing that if work became intolerable we could just walk out. Of course, neither of us did that over the 10 years I was working, but the option was there. Now DH does not have that luxury. It has certainly made him more career orientated as he wishes to earn more to support his family.

annie but i do see it as some stranger raising my children - its my opinion. i dont have an opinion on people who work and send their children to full time childcare, because i dont make it my business

i have a friend who sends her daughter to nursery 8am til 6pm monday to friday and to her mothers overnight on the friday til saturday afternoon, but thats up to her. i dont care

annie waht i meant to say was, dont tell me what it is and what it isnt, its a matter of opinion, not fact

mmm I feel the same as nailpolish

The hours they spend at nursery they are being raised by someone else. I have no input into their development and growth. Nothing I can say or do can 'cancel out' the child-raising that is done by nursery staff during those hours. And it doesn't matter how GOOD that care is, it isn't ME doing it. I would do a better job. I DO do a better job. Which is why I chose to stay at home - as much as I can bear - and raise them.

This is just the way I feel about my own children. I wish I didn't feel it to be honest.

I maybe a SAHM, but my dh owes me loads of money - it was me that had assets when we met, and him that had debts.

When I was made redundant 3 yrs ago, it was a big chunk of my redundancy money that paid off our mortgage.

He may be the sole breadwinner at the moment, but I've done more than my share in the past.

And I have savings and investments that give me a small monthly income.

That makes it sound like we don't share things, but we do - the only reason I call it my money is because it is in my sole name for tax puposes.

thanks anniemac - my DH also does up wrecks and why we live cheaply in a v. nice house. Other people probably thought it but noone has ever said to me that I was financially dependent and I was gobsmacked - I just dont get it.

My DH is the sole breadwinner and whilst he worries about the future sometimes (unecessarily IMO) he is fine with me staying at home. He has said that if I did want to go out to work it would be up to me but I know he'd hate it. Everyone is entitled to do what they want for themselves but for me, my DH and my family me staying at home for the kids is what is best for us. I do not feel dependent on DH for money. The way we both look at it is, we both work and the pay he receives is for all of us. I do not feel like a 50s housewife, this is my/our choice. It can be boring, tedious and not very intellectually stimulating but hey, dems da breaks. When they go to school I shall chill out a bit for me coz like someone mentioned before on average we'll have worked about 86 hours a week for 5 years so yes I deserve to sit on my butt or get back to being as fit as I once was - perhaps that answers the original post of why some of us don't work thought the kids are at school.

Don't agree that there are plenty of jobs around that pay well and fit in around school hours. If so, please let me know what they are so I can retrain. Oh and I need to earn at least £27 k so we can eat and pay the mortgage.