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Original poster

Stay at home mums with kids at school, why dont they get jobs??

910 replies

sleepinbeauty · 20/09/2006 16:32

Just a bit hacked off with mums at school, they moan about having no life away from their kids/ not much money, yet they all seem to refuse to get jobs or careers!
why do some women just want to do sweet FA all day when their kids are at school? They seem content for their husbands to slog their guts out at work while they drink cups of tea and watch daytime tv! Dont get it! i think its called laziness??

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Gobbledigook · 21/09/2006 14:14

Ditto

nailpolish · 21/09/2006 14:14

dont be embarrassed mumblechum

be proud!

ishouldbedoingtheironing · 21/09/2006 14:14

If we are counting toilets as being rooms ive got 14 too Maybe that why I dont have time to work

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anniemac · 21/09/2006 14:15

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RanToTheHills · 21/09/2006 14:15

MP, so what are you planning to get yr teeth into in 4 yrs then? just curious, really and toying with idea of giving up work but, like you, wd want to do sth when they're both at school. Not sure how i'd be fixed career-wise if i took such a long time off but wd love to use the time studying a language or sth!

RanToTheHills · 21/09/2006 14:17

oh, feel all impoverished now - we've only got 10 + a wendy house (it has no loo tho)

Gobbledigook · 21/09/2006 14:19

My personal belief is that the best place for a child to go after school is home, to chill out and the best place for them to be before school is at home and that the best place for them to be in the holidays is with their family. I made my choices based, partly, on my strength of feeling on this one.

That's not to say that there is anything wrong with any of the alternatives and that parents of those children that do after school clubs or holiday schemes are bad parents - of course they aren't. But it's not ideal is it? But then what is? Not much. You make compromises whatever your choices don't you?

morningpaper · 21/09/2006 14:19

Anniemac: For the hours when your children are in childcare, they are being brought up by someone else. Someone else is shaping who they are and bringing them up. It isn't you.

My situation is that my two are now in nursery for two (short) days a week which is when I work. So I do part-time work from home (various things) during those hours, and in the evenings.

ishouldbedoingtheironing · 21/09/2006 14:19

Rantothehills
I stopped work last year and my kids are 11 x2 and 15.
I had worked for 24 years and was fed up being stressed and tired. Now I am much more chilled and I feel that the world is my oyster - just havnt decided what I will do just yet. But I know that it will be better than working

nailpolish · 21/09/2006 14:20

its just the way i see it annie. the first 5 years of a childs life is very important, if not THE most important, and to me its my job to be there to raise them during that time.

and IMO a cm IS a stranger. i dont know that person from adam. same goes for a nursery nurse. At least when my dd's are 5 and at school they will be 5 years of age and have a slight independence

anniemac · 21/09/2006 14:21

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JessaJam · 21/09/2006 14:21

So if you work you are abandoning your children and don't actually raise them yourself, you are a cold-hearted, career-minded bitch who should never have had children in the first place and if you say you have to work for the money then you are clearly putting physical things above people and if you really loved your children you'd give up work and live in a smaller house/cheaper area/cardboard box.

If you are a stay at home mum you are a lazy, 1950's throwback who sits around eating biscuits all day and then complains about being overweight and bored and under-stimulated. You either force your poor dh/dp to go out to work to provide for your 'keeping up with the jones' lifestyle or you are not 'allowed' to work by your chauvanistisc other half.

Is that settled then?

drosophila · 21/09/2006 14:21

AS FAR AS I CAN SEE NO ONE HAS RESPONDED TO MY QUESTION. DO YOU THINK THE SOLE BREADWINNER IS STRESSED BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SOLE BREADWINNER. WHEN I WAS THE SOLE BREADWINNER I WAS VERY WORRIED ABOUT IT AND HAD SLEEPLESS NIGHTS ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAD A BOUT OF LONG TERM SICK LEAVE WITH NO OBVIOUS SIGN OF RETURN TO WORK.

DOES YOUR PARTNER EVER TALK ABOUT THE WORRY OF BEING THE SOLE BREADWINNER. SOME MALE FRIENDS OF MINE USED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT COS I WAS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. IS YOUR PARTNER MORE THAN HAPPY TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OR DO YOU SUSPECT HE/SHE WORRIES?

Sorry for capitals but I am hoping to get a response now .

Gobbledigook · 21/09/2006 14:21

I know. I didn't say that did I? (or did someone else say that? this thread is moving so fast!)

nailpolish · 21/09/2006 14:22

my dh is extremely stressed being the sole breadwinner. he voices this all the time. we argue about it too

Gobbledigook · 21/09/2006 14:23

My dh is not stressed about it at all (but then I do earn as well so perhaps not so valid in our case)

JessaJam · 21/09/2006 14:23

dros I know DH was very anxious about my maternity leave going down to half pay...his work means his income fluctutates...he started to say things like "we need the money" far more than he usually did.

nailpolish · 21/09/2006 14:23

JesseJam has hit the nail on the head there i think

hehehe

JessaJam · 21/09/2006 14:24

didn't actually mean to call you "dros" then, sorry, inadvertantly deleted the rest of your name somehow!!??

nailpolish · 21/09/2006 14:25

i meant her post before last

what a fast thread

anniemac · 21/09/2006 14:25

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oliveoil · 21/09/2006 14:25

I work 3 days and my girls go to my MIL and I would say she is helping to raise them, as would a childminder or nursery assistant.

This is neither good or bad but a fact!

morningpaper · 21/09/2006 14:26

Drosoph: I see your point and I find this very intersting. I was talking recently to the husband of a SAHMWC@S (stay at home mum with children at school ) and asked him how he felt about it. He said he was fine with it, because it meant that he never had to raise a finger around the house, had all his meals on the table etc. and never had to think about the children. So it was a trade-off - but an odd one I feel - she accepts financial dependence, and he accepts the role of another child in the family dynamic, having everything put in front of him by mummy.

At least that's the way DH and I saw it.

SOULGIRL · 21/09/2006 14:26

Hubby does get stressed about it, although I support him from home he is out dealing with the clients. But he also gets stressed after a weekend at home with the children (and he doesnt get paid for that!!!)

I dont say only women should be allowed to SAH with their children - I also believe that if a man would be the better provider of childcare and A woman is in a position to earn enough to support a family then surely THAT is the best way to go, although this could be isolating for a man as there arent many "father and baby" groups.

beckybrastraps · 21/09/2006 14:27

Yes, dh is our sole breadwinner. But I am a POTENTIAL breadwinner too. When dh got so hacked off with his last boss that he hated his job, he left and I went back full time. He stayed at home for 3 months then found another job. Ds went to nursery. A year later we had dd and I stopped work again. Just because I'm not working now, doesn't mean that that is set in stone for ever.