Stay at home mums with kids at school, why dont they get jobs??

[sleepinbeauty]

Just a bit hacked off with mums at school, they moan about having no life away from their kids/ not much money, yet they all seem to refuse to get jobs or careers!
why do some women just want to do sweet FA all day when their kids are at school? They seem content for their husbands to slog their guts out at work while they drink cups of tea and watch daytime tv! Dont get it! i think its called laziness??

thanks marina

I think the pressure to work is based more on employment figures rather than child welfare. Fair play if YOU want to to out to work and are happy to leave your children with someone else that is your perogative but its just NOT for me.

Now I KNOW this will stir thing up BUT(tee hee hee) we DO claim Family tax credit

1. We are legally entitled to it (we live in a democracy so talk to your MP if you are not happy about it!)
2. I paid tax and NIC for 20 years and im not expecting to get the national pension I paid for and bugger all out of the health service I paid into!!

I think the OP was referring to mums who had children at school. The discussion has been slightly side tracked because quite rightly SAHMs with pre-schoolers don't see themselves as anything but lazy. We all know its hard graft with small ones at home.
However, I honestly do believe that I would have a fab time if I could stay at home now that my children have gone to school. Yes, I'd have housework & cooking to do, not to mention all the DIY & financial management to take care of, but I'd have 6 extra hours each day to do that & have a bit of fun & a few hobbies for myself!

GOD who cares????

Why is it such an issue? it really makes the claws come out.

Both Dp and I work FT, we share responsibilites around the house/children, we do tonnes of stuff as a family also, our eldest boy does lots of extra curricular activities, rugby, football blah blah blah.

Our very best friends- Wife is SAHM- boys both at school, her Dp works - she is responsible for running her house/shopping/taking boys to swimming, football etc.

I choose to go to work, she chooses to SAH, her life is no more harder or easier than mine.

I dont even know what point im trying to make with this its bloody ridiculous to judge someone elses life.

And if it makes a blind bit of difference- my days off at home are far more busier than my days at work.

The orginal posting was made at 4.32pm, so does that mean the poster was at work and bored so came on MN , or does she have a job that fits rounds school hours, obviously not a full 9 to 5 then.

Or perhaps shift work ?

I choose to go to work, she chooses to SAH, her life is no more harder or easier than mine.

Do you really think that Tiredemma? She has at least 6 hours a day more than you to do probably the same things that you do. Why is her life no more easier than yours?

good point mummydear!

Look, so they were whining about the current state of their lives...we all do that...don't we? Whether we are sahm, wahm, wohm, PT, FT, single, married, seperated, widowed, living with a partner, old, young, middle aged, rich, poor, solvent, pregnant, not pregnant, trying to be pregnant, have a baby, a toddler, infants school, junior or secondary we all have a bit of a whinge every now and again about something.
It doesn't mean we necessarily "mean" what we say, it doesn't mean we are lazy, or not grateful for what we "do" have...

I find the comments about dc being so proud of their mums working totally weird. Why would that make them proud?

When I was small, mum didn't work. Like me she was an expat wife so her situation wasn't the same as most peoples' here. I loved having my mum around and we had a fantastic childhood. Later when I was about 14 or 15, she went to work part-time. I wasn't proud of her for it and I wouldn't have been ashamed of her staying a SAHM either.

One posting seemed totally weird to me. Where the poster said as kids they were so proud of their mum working and when she stopped they went on at her to get another job.

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Went out last night so have just spent a few moments catching up on this - where did SinB go? picking fights somewhere else? typing as someone else? Mormingpaper has done all the work.

MP- because she is responsible for her whole house, because I work, both Dp and I share everything-shopping/cleaning/get dinner/get boys ready for bed/gardening (him more so than me on this one), everything.

whereas she has to do everything, her Dp has the attitude that as he is out at work all day, he shouldnt have to do anything at home.

I dont think for one minute that she is a domestic goddess all day and on her toes all day, but if we both had to write down what we did on a weekly basis, id bet that her life is far more hectic than mine.

I'm proud of my mother too and she stayed at home with us. She's an intelligent person and not in the least bit boring (as many of you know ) and I, for one, am thankful that she did stay at home with us. I'm glad I didn't have to be cared for by someone else after school or in the holidays.
It was great to come home and talk to her and chill out. IMO, that's what kids need. NOt an extra hour or two at school.

Whether one is easier than the other depends really on the circumstances doesn't it. If by going out to work affrods you the luxury (?!) of a cleaner and someone to do your ironing and enables you to order online groceries from Waitrose then your six hours at home will be spent cooking and cleaning and shopping and ironing which I wouldn't have to do.

If your salary enables you to pay the mortgage and you still have to do all the above then obviously your life is more difficult than if you could afford to stay at home.

My sister has been a SAHM for 18 years and all three of hers are teenagers now. SHe has a lovely life and would be the first to admit it. Any salary she earns wouldn't come to the foothills of what her husband earns and the fact that she has been at home during her childrens difficult teenage years in my opinion has been evern more imprtant to them than when they were little.

But having said all of that, as someone said earlier, I really couldn't care less what anyone else does. I don't even mind them moaning about it occasionally, provided I am also allowed to moan about pointless things form time to time.

but also Mp- we could probably afford for me to stay at home -, but the reality of it is, I dont want to. I enjoy going to work and can juggle my work/life balance well.
Even if i had lots to do at home, it would bore me.

each to their own though.

good point anniemac- the mothers that I see at work stressing about not being around for their kids are not the ones with little ones- its the ones with teenagers.

I've been a SAHM for 7 years now, my youngest child is 3 and starts school next September. I think it's been invaluable being able to be at home with them while they've been so young, but have come to realise that during the school years they actually need you more.

Having said that I've been quite low recently and I think for the first time I've realised that I'm just not that fullfilled being at home. Therefore I'm seriously thinking about getting a part time job, the money would be helpfull, but mostly because I need something else.

Part of me feels guilty that being with the children is not enough any more, but I've always had the belief that happy parents have happy children. Hopefully if I do find the ellusive ideal job then we will all get what we need.

I would add that we have been lucky in (just about) being able to afford for me to stay at home.

Being a mother isn't always easy and we women should be supporting each other and our right to do what feels right for each of us as individuals, not being judgemental.

The reason the term bollocks is being used a lot is because when people see a whole load of prejudices being trotted out as arguments, they can't be arsed to engage properly in any debate. And the tone of this thread is bollocky.

Yeah why are we all so fecking judgemental. Are our DH's making the same comments? When I did (paid) work I can remember the crap days when I would get home knackered pick up the phone and moan to a pal about how shite it had been. Everyone has bad days no matter what their choice in life is. The best thing to do is get over it and get back to being happy. Why do we cut ourselves up so much about it? Are we all so insecure that we have to pour scorn on what others do that is different to us? And why are we so uptight about social class, financial security, feminism? Good old calvinistic UK, can't bear to see anyone doing well without dragging them back down. Let's all get more INTERESTS and then maybe we won't have so much fecking time on our hands to slag of other women who are just trying to do their best.

Rant over

I'd just like to quote from MorningPaper's article in Prospect :

"Life with small children is boring. Small children do not appreciate my witty asides, opinions on current affairs or snide comments about people who are more clever and successful than me. My carefully refined skills in sarcasm and irony go over their lice-ridden heads.

Years of developing a repertoire of hilarious office banter stagnate in the hamster-wheel of laundry and hoovering that defines my life as the mother of small children"

I'm guessing that you don't enjoy being a SAHM then MP?

Are there any working mums out there who can tell us what they think us SAHMs should be doing all day - as they appear unable to mind their own business?