Tips for shopping with naughty boys

[Nerf]

I am really really sick of going into town with the three boys and ending up with then fighting, hiding, etx. I only do it when necessary and not for fun.
Ds1 has asd
Ds2 has growth deficiency and is picked on by ds1
Ds3 is silly (6) and hyper all the time when bored
Ds 1 scares the others by being a dr who xter or something. The little ones just push, shove, fight over seats etc.
I'm so sick of it, they are too old for it but I'm running out of ideas.

Online shopping? Not ideal but would be much less stressful.

My dd is a nightmare to take shopping so I have just ordered all her uniform online to try on at home.

I do that too, but school shoes, trousers, etc - I feel like they should actually behave. Plus I see other kids acting nicely and wonder what I've done wrong. We don't do smacking, we try taking stuff away (kindles currently removed until Tuesday).

How about more instant punishments. A bag of sweets each that you remove a sweet from when they misbehave. Might work better if they get a warning for each misdemeanor before removal of sweet so they are clear what they're doing wrong. I feel your pain.

That's a really good idea. It's not like we go every day so would be fine.

Or maybe 10 10p coins and take one away from them?
Thank you, hadn't thought of that type of thing. I'm just so sick if losing sight of one and then seeing them pop up somewhere causing havoc. I can't understand how they have been brought up so badly

That's a great idea and they could earn some back for being helpful and good.

We used to do reward at the end of going in Ds's fave shop if he behaved well.

But I actually like the removing one sweet idea more as there is still a reason to behave rather than lose it all.

Golly Nerf, I've only got two DSs and I find shopping with them fecking awful. It all gets so stressful, when it doesn't need to be: and how they haven't worked out that it takes longer with all their mucking about just defeats me.

I only take them out on shopping trips when strictly necessary as well. Short and sweet appears to be the only way forward. If you have something important to do (eg. a visit to the bank) could you leave them with someone/trade a babysit or playdate?

Otherwise I stay sane by:
Online shopping for the main grocery shop.
Brief them before going into supermarket that I will walk out and leave the trolley of food behind, including the stuff for lunch that they like. They know that I would do this. Thus can incorporate some form of bribery (crisp related) if needed!
I have found it marginally better shopping at the market, somehow the open air and the lack of a toy aisle seems to help.

Will watch the thread with interest. I am pinning my hopes on it all 'being a phase'.

Let's hope so, all though I am so ashamed of the 6 and 9 year old. I can't do anything unless I am giving them full on attention. The older one polices the younger ones and comes up screeching that they've drawn on something (like a paying in slip) or one has been mean to the other, drawing attetlntion to them all, then I am trapped at the till and can't sort it out so he goes and punishes them. Cue screaming.
Or the little ones just battle over a chair/standing next to me/etc etc
Honestly there are some shops I won't go into I'm so ashamed of them. I'm sure it's not just me, but it's exhausting. As Leo says, why don't they realise ?

I have taken DS2 back into a shop to apologise for his behaviour before now. The arsing around in shops/bank/whereever is bloody awful, and I get fed up with reading the Riot Act/instituting consequences. It is exhausting.

Yes it is, especially when there's no reason for it. They behave fine when out for fun or watching a film or at school (most of the time).

There is a cake shop next door to the shoe shop we use. If they behave in the shoe shop they get to choose a cake. If they are good for the rest of the trip, they get to eat the cake. Seems to work for us

Ties in with the more immediate sanctions/rewards - good plan.

two of mine have adhd. I never go shopping with all 3 on my own. I either make dh come with me - say if we have to all get school shoes. or I arrange to go with kustw one at a time - either at weekend or late night shopping. I find talking through the shopping trip before we go can help prepare them prior to going.

Can you just take one at a time?

I could but it would be three trips. Part of this is that I think they should damn well behave. Dh is a bit useless tbh. He just gets fed up and tries to grab them as they shoot past.

yes they should behave but they don't. I decided a long time ago that it wasn't worth the stress to go witg all 3.... laat time I took ds2 into primark he pulled all the boys pants off the shelf and started throwing them around. I can laugh abput it now (sort of)

ROFL@ "...they get to eat the cake"!

That sounds like a good incentive.

I'm lurking for suggestions I'm afraid, as my 5yo (normally v well behaved) DS is shocking when we go out, and we have to get school shoes today

Last time we went, he knocked his front tooth out of alignment, clowning around
It did stop him messing around for about a week (we'd had to leave, to emergency dentist, so still had to buy shoes!)

I think it's a sensory thing, rather than boredom.

I have recently discovered I can survive shopping with games and competitions

First one to spot - a red car, a dog etc
I spy
My favourite is the being quiet competition

Also laughing at the important distinction between choosing the cake and getting to eat the cake. Genius!

Agree with sensory thing also, although I'm not ruling out boredom. Love the Being Quiet competition.

Practice makes perfect - if you don't take them, then won't learn what is expected of them. So start early and come down hard - never leave the shop, that just teaches them that if they mess about enough then you will leave and therefore they have 'won'.

But I have been accused of being too hard on my 3 - with only 2.7 years between them - by my mum, but it meant I could always control them when out on my own - had to have control as I was a single parent all their childhood. They have grown up normal

How do you come down hard - I am sick of telling the how badly behaved they are and what I want them to do. I just don't get the lack of embarrassment. But today I saw someone else's child knock all the footballs over in sports direct and felt slightly thrilled.

carrot & stick - clear purse each - 10p eg for 15 mins good behaviour - 10p out for bad
keep what they 'earn'
worked with mercenary dd

nerf