Tips for shopping with naughty boys

[Nerf]

I am really really sick of going into town with the three boys and ending up with then fighting, hiding, etx. I only do it when necessary and not for fun.
Ds1 has asd
Ds2 has growth deficiency and is picked on by ds1
Ds3 is silly (6) and hyper all the time when bored
Ds 1 scares the others by being a dr who xter or something. The little ones just push, shove, fight over seats etc.
I'm so sick of it, they are too old for it but I'm running out of ideas.

[Nerf]

Thank you. It was mortifying though.
We talked about it, and he realised he'd ended up with nothing rather than 70p. Small steps!

[Namechangeragain2014]

Keep going nerf it sounds as if your ds knew that you meant business - shame he ran away but he understood something was changing and obviously didn't like it.

To whoever said 'do it all online' how will they ever learn how to behave when you have to go real life shopping?? I think you need to expose them to lots of different activites and your expectation of their behaviour from small so they understand.

I know it can be easier to leave them at home when young and do a quick trip but how will they behave at 13 or older when they go out with their friends if not exposed to how you are supposed to behave?

Also children should learn that jobs need to be done before fun things can happen - life isn't always fun!!

[Nerf]

Well I tried...
Took the bribery option but didn't have ten ten princes or sweets to hand so took a red pen and said right, I will put a red dot on your finger if you play up - clean fingers are worth 10p. I was winging it to be fair.
Well. Ds went absolutely hysterical when I did this to finger four , ran off as I was loading at the till (cakes and stuff, not a weeks shop) ran off sobbing and screaming , got caught by the manager , ran off into the carpark, sobbed all the way back to the car.
Worse thing - me saying loudly 'do you want a red mark' as a warning then realising it sounded like I was offering a beating !

[Nerf]

Good idea about the drink/snack actually.
Really nice to get some sensible suggestions - reward charts, instant 'prizes' snacks, have a lot to try.

[DoubtfireDear]

Blimey, I have one DS and sometimes am at my wits end when out shopping.

I make up a mini reward chart in the back of my notebook and take stickers with me. Before we leave, I explain to him/write down what's expected, eg. walking beside me without running off, being polite, no shouting etc. if he gets a sticker beside all of these things he can chose a treat at the end of the trip, cheap car at £1 or a cake or something.

[antimatter]

I am not sure many kids would survive happily long shopping day when you buy one of everything fro each of them.
Maybe ask for 2 assistants help when buying shoes in Clarks? Or go to less busy shop? MAke sure they have drink each and no snack which make them hyper.
I used to take book each and they would read waiting for each other but I had 2 not 3 of them and I definitely went with my ex when shopping for shoes when they were young.

[Artandco]

I always bribe with an activity they like. So first shoes, then park for example. 3 wArnings given max then loose activity. So on last warning you can say if I have to tell you again there will be no park/ swimming/ football etc. You have to stick with decision though and def not take them

[Nerf]

Daisy, I pretty much do but will see about uniform, hadn't thought of that.

Mutley you are a nicer person than me - I never think how nice they are having a laugh!

[Mutley77]

I've got 3 (2 are girls) and although it is absolutely awful at the moment as one is a toddler, I still sympathise as my older 2 are just as bad as my toddler! So if yours were badly brought up so were mine. I swing between being glad that they are mucking about having a laugh and thinking omg how badly behaved are you!!!

I like the taking a 10p away idea and might try it - good luck :)

[DaisyFlowerChain]

Do as much as you can online. I've done all the uniform, shoes included, online as it's easier and far more convenient. Means more holiday time instead of having to go into the next town. There's very little that can't be bought online.

[Nerf]

Thanks namechanger - ds2 is 9 but a very young nine and ds 1 is 11. Caveat is always the issues outlined in my op - not an excuse but a contributing factor.
If I'm honest I'm beginning to wonder if no smacking was actually a good idea! However, too late now, and I don't really want in the current climate to get reported!
I'm going to try the bad habit, bribery and hard line approach you've all come up with. It's not an every day thing so they do get the fun stuff - funny how they are lovely in the cinema...

[Namechangeragain2014]

Nerf you haven't said how old your older two are - so in a lot of respects it will be harder than if they are preschoolers. But I would set clear ground rules re silliness of the 6 year old and the picking on each other by the older two. Bad behaviour punished - however you punish (I smacked, but know that is frowned upon on MN) being consistant, and withdrawing of all priviliges. Them behaving is an expectation and shouldn't be a hope - if they can't fulfil the expectation then you don't have to be the 'nice' mummy.

Some bribery like the cake - love the choosing but not eating - will work for some children and not others and has to be geared to what that child values so probably won't seem fair to the children involved. And keep it calm - the quieter I talked the more trouble they knew they were in, shouting just raises the game I found.

Its not going to be easy but its like any bad habit that people get into, start small and then get bigger - a quick trip to the shop via the park for example before going for a morning school shoe shopping. And of course praise when they behave.

Sorry if all this sounds familiar and what you are doing, but this is what I found worked for me. And you'll probably need lots of when they go back to school.

[juliascurr]

nerf

[juliascurr]

carrot & stick - clear purse each - 10p eg for 15 mins good behaviour - 10p out for bad
keep what they 'earn'
worked with mercenary dd

[Nerf]

How do you come down hard - I am sick of telling the how badly behaved they are and what I want them to do. I just don't get the lack of embarrassment. But today I saw someone else's child knock all the footballs over in sports direct and felt slightly thrilled.

[Namechangeragain2014]

Practice makes perfect - if you don't take them, then won't learn what is expected of them. So start early and come down hard - never leave the shop, that just teaches them that if they mess about enough then you will leave and therefore they have 'won'.

But I have been accused of being too hard on my 3 - with only 2.7 years between them - by my mum, but it meant I could always control them when out on my own - had to have control as I was a single parent all their childhood. They have grown up normal

[Leo35]

Also laughing at the important distinction between choosing the cake and getting to eat the cake. Genius!

Agree with sensory thing also, although I'm not ruling out boredom. Love the Being Quiet competition.

[3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole]

I have recently discovered I can survive shopping with games and competitions

First one to spot - a red car, a dog etc
I spy
My favourite is the being quiet competition

[NerfHerder]

ROFL@ "...they get to eat the cake"!

That sounds like a good incentive.

I'm lurking for suggestions I'm afraid, as my 5yo (normally v well behaved) DS is shocking when we go out, and we have to get school shoes today

Last time we went, he knocked his front tooth out of alignment, clowning around
It did stop him messing around for about a week (we'd had to leave, to emergency dentist, so still had to buy shoes!)

I think it's a sensory thing, rather than boredom.

[cece]

yes they should behave but they don't. I decided a long time ago that it wasn't worth the stress to go witg all 3.... laat time I took ds2 into primark he pulled all the boys pants off the shelf and started throwing them around. I can laugh abput it now (sort of)

[Nerf]

I could but it would be three trips. Part of this is that I think they should damn well behave. Dh is a bit useless tbh. He just gets fed up and tries to grab them as they shoot past.

[insancerre]

Can you just take one at a time?

[cece]

two of mine have adhd. I never go shopping with all 3 on my own. I either make dh come with me - say if we have to all get school shoes. or I arrange to go with kustw one at a time - either at weekend or late night shopping. I find talking through the shopping trip before we go can help prepare them prior to going.

[Nerf]

Ties in with the more immediate sanctions/rewards - good plan.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

There is a cake shop next door to the shoe shop we use. If they behave in the shoe shop they get to choose a cake. If they are good for the rest of the trip, they get to eat the cake. Seems to work for us