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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler touching her privates

52 replies

walde · 29/07/2014 11:06

Since we started potty training and my DD has been wearing pants she touches herself all the time. I don't know whay to do about it. I know the right thing is to let her, but I can't bear her having smelly fingers. It doesn't seem very hygienic. So how do I tell her not to touch herself without using the word "dirty" Also when she's doing it she won't stop, so I end up getting really cross and grabbing her hand. I know I am going about it all wrong. I wouldn't mind her doing it when she's in the bath for example as she's having a wash but I don't know how to explain this without kind of encouraging it iyswim.

I don't know what to do!

OP posts:

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Frusso · 29/07/2014 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rootypig · 29/07/2014 11:21

So you do think it's dirty

I think of all the things my toddler gets her grubby mitts on all day, her vulva is the least of my worries.

She's curious and discovering her body. It's her body, she's allowed to touch it. If you're at home, let her. If you're out, stop her and explain that we don't do that in public.

NigellasDealer · 29/07/2014 11:24

i really do not think she would have 'smelly fingers' from touching her vulva - sounds like you have some 'dirty' problem that you are projecting onto her.

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RiverTam · 29/07/2014 11:26

just ignore it. She won't have 'smelly fingers' and once she's got over the novelty of wearing pants and not having her 'privates' smothered in a nappy, she's probably stop.

Agree with projecting your own issues here, please don't do that.

ShelaghTurner · 29/07/2014 11:27

I also have a toddler who does this. My concern is that she plays to the extent that she almost turns herself inside out! I do sometime say not to do it as it'll be sore, but then will she associate it with being sore? She has taken to looking at me sideways, smirking and saying "I touching my bottom..." Little monkey!

I'm more concerned with my 6yo who plays. I try to enforce the bedrooms and bathrooms rule but she'll do it in the car, or stand in front of the window at home doing it. How to get the message across that it's not a bad thing, but not something you show off?

Original poster

walde · 29/07/2014 11:28

Am I very unusual in thinking that you might have smelly fingers from touching yourself? If I masturbate I wash my hands afterwards. I wouldn't want to eat food somebody had prepared after touching themselves. So it's not hygienic is it?!

OP posts:

googietheegg · 29/07/2014 11:29

My dd has started doing this occasionally too so watching for advice

rootypig · 29/07/2014 11:31

Shelagh can you say, "if you want to do that, you need to be in private" ad nauseum? View it like anything else - table manners, not jumping on the furniture.

Re toddler, maybe I'm naive but if she makes herself sore, she'll learn? "I touching my bottom" made me

Original poster

walde · 29/07/2014 11:33

I either have a super sense of smell or me and DD have the same problem of stinky parts.

OP posts:

DeadCert · 29/07/2014 11:33

She's not masturbating, she's just touching an area that was previously off limits. It's not unusual, just distract her and say "hand out of knickers, look at this!" and distract her.

You seem quite uptight about it all, DS went through a stage of doing it all the time. It's natural, and definitely not dirty.

gamerchick · 29/07/2014 11:34

You are being ridiculous. ALL little ones touch their bits and she won't get smelly fingers in the sense you would. An adult downstairs isn't the same as a child's. Keep her a bit cleaner if she smells downstairs.

When they are old enough you tell them It's a private thing and to save it for their bedroom.. ask her to stop but for christ sake stop projecting and getting cross with her.

DeadCert · 29/07/2014 11:34

Well, no - she shouldn't "smell" from down there. Are you sure she does?

titchy · 29/07/2014 11:35

If she genuinely does smell you need to take her to the GP to check for infection. Pre-pubescent genitals do not smell.....

There will be far more germs in her mouth, and I'm guessing you wouldn't have too much of an issue if she sucked her thumb for example.

NigellasDealer · 29/07/2014 11:36

to be honest we as women are told so often that our 'parts' are stinky that we have taken it on board. If you wash every day then no way are your 'parts' 'stinky'

rootypig · 29/07/2014 11:37

We all have a natural odour to our genitals. This doesn't make them dirty or unhygienic. I imagine you keep her vulva clean? so I wouldn't worry so much. As I say, toddlers have such grubby mitts, I'd be more concerned about DD's dirty hands on her vulva, than vice versa!

If you're potty training, you're probably washing her hands frequently anyway. Up the hand washing if you must, but getting cross and grabbing her hand is just not on. It's HER body.

ShelaghTurner · 29/07/2014 11:39

I don't know, I'm so wary of starting any bad associations. Anyway, at the moment she doesn't care. It's all too interesting for her :)

I constantly tell the older one but she doesn't care either. She's constantly naked at home now with the hot weather and I'm glad that she's so uninhibited (which I'm not) but at the moment she sees no difference between her vulva and her kneecap or nose. It's all just part of her body.

Original poster

walde · 29/07/2014 11:41

It just seems so gross, but I'm prepared to be told.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 29/07/2014 11:42

If they get a smell or discharge it's common for little girls to shove a bit of crayon or something up there. But generally a clean little girl wouldn't have smelly bits.

RiverTam · 29/07/2014 11:46

'gross'???

Original poster

walde · 29/07/2014 11:51

Is my reaction really ?

OP posts:

Original poster

walde · 29/07/2014 11:51

Is my reaction really ?

OP posts:

Original poster

walde · 29/07/2014 11:52

Is my reaction really ?

OP posts:

Floop · 29/07/2014 11:52

If I masturbate I wash my hands afterwards. I wouldn't want to eat food somebody had prepared after touching themselves. So it's not hygienic is it?!

She's a toddler, hasn't gone through puberty and isn't sexually mature. Her vulva cannot be compared to yours.

In terms of your issues with your vulva:

If its your own vulva, it's completely hygienic. What new germs do you think she might be introducing? They are all already in her body. You can literally lick your fingers after masturbating and be absolutely fine.

I take it you don't let anybody perform oral sex on you then?

lolalotta · 29/07/2014 11:54

My DD tends to fiddle with her bits more if she's wearing a dress, she doesn't bother so much if she's in leggings say. You don't need to make a big deal out of this.

Koothrapanties · 29/07/2014 11:58

Op, I completely understand why you feel how you do. You just need to put it aside and remind yourself that to your dd, her privates are in no way sexual or anything different from any other part of her body. She just doesn't see it like you do.

I can understand why you think it is gross because to an adult, privates are thought of in a sexual way. To see a child touching that part seems inappropriate, so makes you feel uneasy. I felt the same way when baby dd first found that area in the bath.

Again, just remember that she doesn't know that her privates are private and keep just discouraging and distracting.

I don't think the op deserves to be harshly criticised for what is an unintentional gut reaction.

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