Toddler touching her privates

[walde]

Since we started potty training and my DD has been wearing pants she touches herself all the time. I don't know whay to do about it. I know the right thing is to let her, but I can't bear her having smelly fingers. It doesn't seem very hygienic. So how do I tell her not to touch herself without using the word "dirty" Also when she's doing it she won't stop, so I end up getting really cross and grabbing her hand. I know I am going about it all wrong. I wouldn't mind her doing it when she's in the bath for example as she's having a wash but I don't know how to explain this without kind of encouraging it iyswim.

I don't know what to do!

Rooty has it, "As I say, toddlers have such grubby mitts, I'd be more concerned about DD's dirty hands on her vulva, than vice versa!"

My cousin just loves to remind me of my fascination with rubbing sand from the sandpit into my bits. Sands ffs? What was I thinking?

I know apologises from me, it was the grabbing her hand and getting cross bit that made my post harsh.

Look at it this way.. just be thankful she's not climbing on the arm of the settee for a goodwill humping obviously having a whale of a time in mixed company

Littluns don't know the taboos...its just a place that feels nice to them.. do they make a bug deal out of it and distract until she's old enough to have a chat about when and where.

I'm lucky because at 5 so far DD has never done it and never shown any interest in it.

I say I'm lucky because I'm another one who would be uncomfortable with her doing that in front of me. But I think I have deep-rooted issues with that because my DM (yes really) used to always have her hands down her pants when we were younger. I mean WTF is that all about??? I remember her doing it into our teens. I don't even know when it stopped TBH but she doesn't do it now.

I don't think she was actually doing anything, but her hands were always down there. Makes me cringe now to think of it... YUCK and WHY???!!!!

The only smell might be a little bit of urine, she won't be producing adult body fluids yet. I do know what you mean though OP and people are getting unnecessarily at your comments - the 'dirty' thing is an instinctive thing I think, because we're always told to wash our hands after going to the toilet - but when I see the stuff my toddler puts in her mouth I've realised they are fairly indestructible :o

I suppose there is a risk of passing on faeces spread vomiting bugs but I agree that if you make a big deal she will only do it more. It's a short phase - just let it pass as calmly and neutrally as possible. I like the suggestions above about gently removing her hand if you are out and about but at home as long as her nails are short and clean she won't do herself any harm.

It's totally normal, you just tell them "Darling that's private, you need to go to your room if you want to do it." Later you can explain that it's not nice for other people to see.

Distract her with something else to do with her hands.

The issue would actually being her dirty hands irritating her clean vulva. As long as you keep her hands relatively clean then there shouldn't really be an issue though.

I've told my DS, who's 3, that it's fine to play with his willy when he's in the bath or his bedroom/the bathroom but otherwise we leave poor willy alone to get some rest. He seems ok with that. I usually say "hand out of pants" if I see him having a fiddle during the day, not because it's dirty but because it's not polite to have a go at the goods with company around (hear that DH???)

DD does this sometimes at 4, and I hate it, I really do. I tell her not to touch her bottom and that she will make it sore (which she will, and her hands are not generally very clean) and try to insist that pants are kept on when out in the garden to keep mud, chicken poo etc out of the general area.

It's fine to introduce the idea that some things are private. Touching your genitals is a private thing, so fine to do on your own in your bedroom, but not on the sofa.

Thanks for the responses. I don't let her do other impolite things, like nose picking, getting down from the table during meals, so I am not going to let her do it in company. I do understand that her privates aren't really dirty, so maybe I don't need to get so worked up. The reason I yelled this morning was because she just wouldn't stop when I told her and she was generally being difficult (climbing on the furniture etc), I just kind of flipped.

Anyway I will read through these suggestions in more detail - lots of good advice. I think I am in danger of making it a big deal, whereas Its just an annoying habit that I don't want to see.

By the way the dirty hand issue more to do with her touching ME with her grubby mits. I know she won't make herself ill. It's purely selfish in that respect!

My ds (now 4) was obsessed with his willy for such a long time. Even now, I catch him with his hands down his pants front or back. I get sick to death of my mantra: "Get your hands out of your pants." or simply: "Hands. Pants." I think it's lifelong with men.

On the other hand, as I posted on the toddler wisdom thread, Dd was utterly horrified to find out yesterday that she has a "hole". Not sure why it's taken so long; she's been out of nappies for 3 months!

Thanks for the responses. I don't let her do other impolite things, like nose picking, getting down from the table during meals, so I am not going to let her do it in company. I do understand that her privates aren't really dirty, so maybe I don't need to get so worked up. The reason I yelled this morning was because she just wouldn't stop when I told her and she was generally being difficult (climbing on the furniture etc), I just kind of flipped.

Anyway I will read through these suggestions in more detail - lots of good advice. I think I am in danger of making it a big deal, whereas Its just an annoying habit that I don't want to see.

By the way the dirty hand issue more to do with her touching ME with her grubby mits. I know she won't make herself ill. It's purely selfish in that respect!

Whoops, double post.

By the way, I'm not uptight and making a big deal about it. I make a big deal of her ignoring me when I ask her to stop doing something. Anything. It's all very well saying oh just tell her hands out of pants, but she will happily carry on. So then I get annoyed with her that she's ignoring me and it escalates into a big deal. I'm not THAT bothered about it, but she is going through a tricky phase of ignoring me when I tell her things that she doesn't fancy. Hope that makes sense.

That's just her being three. You need to get used to the ignoring infuriating isn't it?

very infuriating. she is just the sweetest, most eager-to-please child most of the time, but then we have these battle of wills. I think we're too similar!

Hmm, yep, their personality really comes out and there's a definite period where they have to say no to everything just because. It's quite a shock if you had a very co-operative toddler, it was for me.

My way of thinking is that they are her "privates" if she wants to clutch them (which is what most small children are doing, not masturbating!) then its her body.

I do draw the line at my 18mo dd trying to pull my 3yo ds's willy though. That's when its pants on time

Walde it I'd very common for young DC to fiddle about down there, and they will grow out of it.
Just checking though, because you suggested that maybe she was smelly. She shouldn't be smelly as others have said, so is it possible she has an infection??? Something like thrush? It might make her smell and could be itchy. Sorry I am probably off beam, but just wondered.

DD is clearly ahead of the game then on the 'No!' front

Cailin I love your 'Give poor willy a rest' :o

I tell mine sporadically that their hands smell of wee and to wash them.

Yep, I have told DS that all parts of our bodies have germs but willy germs can make us poorly if they get into our mouths so he always needs to wash hands before eating/making food, after using the toilet and if he touches his willy or bum, even if he was just scratching it. Worms are a pain in the arse (literally) so really good to get into good habits to avoid them.

My 2 year old sits on the potty and 'fiddles', it seems to help her go? Stimulation perhaps? Or maybe it just feels nice. I don't know, but I'm not making a big thing of it. I keep babywipes close by, and clean her hands, especially before eating.
I'd rather she didn't do it if I'm really honest, but I don't think it's gross. A toddlers private area shouldn't smell bad, if it does a doctors visit is in order.
I discourage her if I can, but I don't really force her to stop as I don't want her to think it's naughty
My boys used to do it too, but with them I think it was definitely because it felt nice for them. They are 8 now and if they want to touch, they know to do it in private, one often falls asleep with his hand on his willy.

Masturbation or self stimulation is normal up to some point. I know that I don't have children of my own. As an adult, I am unmarried and a virgin. Now children at three seem to explore themselves in the genitals which are normal. Then it seems as they get in their teen or young adulthood years it happens again. Teach a child other activities such as arts and crafts, healthy habits, and other positive reinforcements in their growing up years. Teach them to wash their hands, keep their hands out of stool or urine, that has bacteria and so forth. Children are curious at this age.