Skills I should be able to add to my CV....

[parentallyinept]

This morning's gem - having to eat the sprinkles off the top of a fab lolly whilst leaving the chocolate layer underneath intact, as my 3 yo has decided sprinkles are 'yucky'

I can't be the only one with as-yet-undeclared CV worthy skills, feel free to share yours

The ability to remove the breaded part to chicken or fish!

skinning an apple with ones teeth, whilst leaving enough apple intact for the small boy, and remembering not to get distracted whilst doing this and eat the apple by mistake.

can conduct three conversations at once.

Can locate lost things better and faster than any sniffer dog

The ability to convey exactly what I'm thinking with a look.

My stomach of steel !! I can literally eat anything regardless of whether I have a iffy tummy or not. I remember one occasion having a KFC ,being sick halfway through ,and carrying on immediately afterwards !! You wouldn't believe I'm a size 8 ,lol.

Being sick wasn't due to over indulgence ,lol ,it was because I was in a moving vehicle whilst eating.

Blackeyedsusan, that was the issue I was having with the lolly - having to remove all the sprinkles without absentmindedly eating the chocolate layer (or indeed the whole Fab). It's a very underrated skill!

Superhuman sense of smell... Realising a child has filled a nappy, three rooms away.
Night vision... Dealing with said child without switching on the light.
Omniscient ... Always knowing everything, even things that haven't happened yet but are being planned by the dc

Mind reader... Defusing the toddler tantrum before it's reached the point of no return

Oh no, my outstanding skills have killed the thread
Bump

Being able to split any given foodstuff into exactly 3 equal parts without a ruler or scales.

Jewel, please tell me how you've come to acquire such an extradordinary skill? Just how?! Did you go to a special university? I have a two year old quite new to tantrums and honestly I'm at a loss - stand back helpless!

My CV skill has got to be rhythm; walking and shushing in the precise rhythm that gets DD to sleep - DH is useless; way too freestyle.

Oh and corner-covering. I've had people stop me in shops to congratulate me on zipping my hand over the corner of a table just in time as DD hurtles towards it at 1,000 mph, eye first.

I am virtually unstoppable when ill - I will still cook/shop/entertain/carryon despite having tonsillitus/norovirus/raging temperature - I have had norovirus and not slept for 2 nights straight and just hosted a 3rd birthday party for DD2 with 30 people (I made sure that everything was disinfected, including all the toilets and door handles before I allowed my guests to come, and after warning them in case they wanted to pull out - responsible me!)

Cooking 4 different dinners, homemade from scratch, on a Saturday night within the space of an hour (we all fancied our favourite dinners tonight). Running a restaurant? piece of cake...order for table number 1!

Oh, and surviving this week on less than 5 hours sleep 3 days in a row.

Wine this evening has helped to restore my sanity!

I'm a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I keep a beautiful house, am a fantastic cook and am very... open minded.

Sadly my real life sees me as a moderately successful copywriter. Creating the perfect Christmas table, whipping up a soufflé and giving a cracking blow job not exactly being the most practical skills or something one can put on a CV.

Before I was a mother I probably used to avoid choosing the supermarket queue with the mum-and-buggy in it as I assumed she'd be irritatingly slow and take ages. NOT ANY MORE. I now know the truth (and most days manage to be an exponent of it myself) which is that mums-with-buggy pack bags and pay faster than ANYONE ELSE... all the while also (usually) keeping the occupant of the buggy from having a meltdown by singing/making funny faces/plying them with rice cakes... this is a superhuman skill and one I have observed across the board.

The slowest ones at the checkout, ironically, always seem to be men by themselves...

Mothers shoudl ALL be able to add this skill to their CV, based on my extensive research, and I am ashamed that I ever thought the opposite was true :)

Cooking dinners from scratch with just one hand, whilst holding a baby and supervising 2 others.

scooping a poo out of the bath before it disintegrates or the other twin spots it, without skipping a beat during a phone conversation.

Yesterday/today I made and decorated a four tier wedding cake whilst singlehandedly looking after my 2 month old and my exhausted and hyperactive 5 year old, then attended the wedding- which was a mission in itself as DH was an usher and so not particularly available.

It was a very stressful day and I'm glad I have the perfect thread to share it on.

Ps emeraldgirl you are absolutely right about mothers and shopping packing.

Mum voice - able to make an entire stag party pull up their trousers on the way back from Prague. I was aiming at my own small boy who had most of his bum on display, and had ignored his father's request 3 times.

Wow that is impressive spangly! I was impressed with myself when I got one child (ds) and myself washed and ready for bils wedding on my own - ds was 15 months and I had nothing like a cake to do!

my cv skills are;
knowing what dd will do/say before she does!
multi tasking!
not getting upset when dd asks for a "TRY" of my Feast ice cream and scoffs almost all the lovely choc bit in the middle that I was sooooooo lookin forward to.
keep her alive (I still surprise myself daily that I have managed to do this) I must add eyes in the back of my head and ability to see through walls to my list!!

Being able to clean the house in spite of my 2yo "help".

velocirapture You just made me spit coffee over my keyboard That's priceless.