Skills I should be able to add to my CV....

[parentallyinept]

This morning's gem - having to eat the sprinkles off the top of a fab lolly whilst leaving the chocolate layer underneath intact, as my 3 yo has decided sprinkles are 'yucky'

I can't be the only one with as-yet-undeclared CV worthy skills, feel free to share yours

I am a PA to 3. Book travel, arrange and facilitate extra multiple activities, cook for thousands with no prior warning whilst taking into account a plethora of dietary requirements.
I can be in 3 places at once, having previously prepared meals and provided all relevant apparel.
I can hold 3 conversations at the same time.
I can fly a small group transatlantically with carry on luggage alone.

Parks - I am an expert in West Midlands parks and their facilities - my DS once asked 'how to do you remember where everything is'

My only really valuable skills both relate to peeling fruit (??!!):

When DC were small, I could peel an apple into a single long thread of peel which, held above my head could touch the ground (I'm not very tall & it needed large apples, but it did get the fruit eaten w/o meltdowns...)

I can also peel a satsuma in one piece so neatly that the original shape can be reconstructed and returned to the fruit bowl to fool DP, who knows to yell like a banshee when "tricked" by it...

I too have the ability to know the answer to the question beginning with "where is my..." I have eyes in the back of my head, can tell when lies are being told, can silence small girls with "the look", and summons same small girls with "the voice".

I can make any Disney princess out of loom bands, while being 'helped' by a 4 and a 6 year old. That should be enough to get me into the special forces at the very least.

I wish there was a 'like' button on mumsnet - all of these are brilliant

Catching vomit in various towels, blankets and/or oneself in order to contain the mess only on washable items, and not sofas or carpets.

Peace negotiations - I could resolve anything the UN care to throw at me after practice on dd(2) and ds (5).

I have also been getting by on no more than 4 hours sleep a night for nearly 3 years. One dC wakes up really early, the other bounces around til 10pm. The early riser starts waking at crying around 12.30-1 am and doesn't ever really settle.

Bertie - give it a little more time and you will be ready with a bowl as if by magic. Then a little time after that, you will have trained your children so well that even more magically, they get to an appropriate receptacle in time by themselves.....

I can make any kind of fancy dress outfit out of household goods in under 10 mins. MI5 material I think.

Oh yes, have trained DS to aim in the bowl now, although it doesn't work so well when said child is terrified of being sick so will push the bowl away in fear in case the bowl somehow magically makes the sick come out. Towels still come in very useful!

Eating Haribo secretly whilst having a conversation with the DCs

I can self catheterise.

Coax a Labrador off the top of a climbing frame.

Fix the washing machine whilst simultaneously organising a junior flood defence team armed only with towels.

Have a magically empowered voice that makes the word "enough" so powerful it briefly freezes anyone in a 20m radius.

Oh Bertie....poor little chap!

for you...we don't want to set him off again ;)

First time a thread i've started has made Discussions of the Day!

Oh luckily he doesn't get sick very often :) Probably why he's so scared of it! Maybe about once a year, if that? He had a spate of it when he was about one and a half which was when I developed my skills but he's five now and I can probably count the number of sick bugs he's had on one hand excluding that time.

Able to make a week long potato and water only diet varied.

Surviving on average 4hrs sleep per night for the last five years
Eating two Jaffa cakes in the time it takes to walk back to the living room from the kitchen
Knowing exactly what the kids are up to when they're two rooms away
Being able to find lost objects in unexplainable places - eg our sky remote was found in a cupboard in a Tupperware box with the lid on..

Able to prepare a nutritious meal from the contents of the kitchen despite DH claiming there 'is no food in the house'

Able to shop on a budget, ensuring that both DS (3) and DH (30) both receive the correct ratio of cheap/healthy/treat items, ensure neither of them feel hard done by and still have change for El Vino

Able to keep a straight face when having to deal with badly behaved toddler who is actually being hilarious

Ability to make 'because I said so' sound like irrefutable law

Ability to magically leave the bathroom cleaner than I found it every time I use it

Able to SEE the laundry basket AND wash everything in the house AND get it dried and put away in less than a day

Bloody hell I need a medal and a frigging holiday!

shawser are you me ?

Able to prepare a nutritious meal from the contents of the kitchen despite DH claiming there 'is no food in the house'

Able to shop on a budget, ensuring that both DS (3) and DH (30) both receive the correct ratio of cheap/healthy/treat items, ensure neither of them feel hard done by and still have change for El Vino

Able to keep a straight face when having to deal with badly behaved toddler who is actually being hilarious

Ability to make 'because I said so' sound like irrefutable law

Ability to magically leave the bathroom cleaner than I found it every time I use it

Able to SEE the laundry basket AND wash everything in the house AND get it dried and put away in less than a day

Bloody hell I need a medal and a frigging holiday!

The ability to read minds! The number of times I've uttered "don't even think about it" to be met with astounded "but how did you....what....that's not fair!"
And ability to motivate others, as in anything left on the floor is being binned or if you don't do what I'm asking I'm never buying haribos again

The tolerance for repetition

Walking a tired baby to sleep in her pram while shopping...slowing down just enough to look at items without having to actually stop.

Not killing my teenage ds3. How that child has survived to the age of 17 without being killed several times over boggles my mind. I think I have the patience of a saint.

Being the scary parent - all three dses acknowledge this to be a fact.

I think I would be very useful in sorting out international crises. Israel, Palestine and Putin would all be on the naughty step - and staying there quietly - and when allowed off the naughty step, they would all tidy up their rooms countries properly, would play nicely together, and would eat up their teas without arguing.