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Parenting

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Original poster

Do we go against DH's family on this?

47 replies

AvaLou · 11/09/2006 13:29

DH's sister, who is 18 this december, is coming to stay for the weekend with her boyfriend. They have been together for two years and she is very sensible.
I know that they are not allowed to share a bed at her mothers house, but I see no problem allowing it here. It's not an issue I want to bring up too, so I am thinking if MIL says nothing, we will just go ahead and let them. Is this wrong?

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tissy · 11/09/2006 13:33

it's your house, your rules.

Have they asked to share a room? If not, phone the sister and ask how she would like the sleeping arrangements. It may be that they would prefer to be in separate rooms, anyway!

Dh's son (who is 18) came up recently with his girlfriend, and when I asked about sleeping arrangements, he put her in his double bed, and he slept on the floor in dd's playroom.

coderoo · 11/09/2006 13:33

LIE

Original poster

AvaLou · 11/09/2006 13:34

Oh she has asked me if they can share the spare room and 'not to tell mum' which makes me anxious bout it.

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PinkTulips · 11/09/2006 13:35

don't bother mentioning it, what mil doesn't know can't hurt her

Saturn74 · 11/09/2006 13:38

I'd let them share a room. My parents never let us share until we were married. I let my younger sisters share with their boyfriends at my house once they were over 18. Different people have different house rules, and it never bothered me. My Dad once commented that it set a bad example for my children - who were about 2 and 4 at the time, and never even noticed!!

tissy · 11/09/2006 13:39

Hmm, well if she's asked you to lie, then I would say they can sleep where they like, but you will not be lying about it- if MIL asks you will tell her the truth!

Unless he is underage (!) then they are not breaking any laws, and she is quite entitled to sleep with him, with or without her mother's approval, but to expect you to connive in deceiving your MIL is wrong.

Faced with this, they may decide separate beds are safer!

gscrym · 11/09/2006 13:40

It's DH's family, let him worry about it. If they share a bed then MIL finds out, playfully slap DH and say 'I told you it wasn't a good idea'.

Original poster

AvaLou · 11/09/2006 13:42

Well I guess if mil doesn't mention it I won't, and tbh I can't imagine her bringing the issue up.
Maybe it's a case of she doesn't want it in her own home but accepts it elsewhere.

I'd just feel so mean if we end up telling one of them they have to sleep on the camp bed in the living room, lol.

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thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 11/09/2006 13:44

half agree with Tissy. ie i'd let them share, I'd also say I wouldn't lie, but if MIL was so direct as to ask me I'd say that I'd hope she understood me saying that i didn't think it was my position to discuss if with her.

shimmy21 · 11/09/2006 13:44

leave the bedroom arrangements up to them. Casually wave your hand in the vague general direction of the spare room and say 'oh you can find yourselves plenty of bedding up there and sort yourselves out.' Then turn a blind eye.

Then if MIL makes a scene you can quite innocently tell her you didn't really notice where they slept.

melrose · 11/09/2006 13:44

I'm guessing that if you put them in seperate rooms there will just be some late night wandering in the house! I would definitely let them sleep together. They are obviosuly having sex so do not see why it is an issue TBH

MrsApronstrings · 11/09/2006 13:45

shimmy thats exactly what used to happen for me - we're off to bed - sort yourselves out

Blu · 11/09/2006 13:48

Presuming that her BF is over 16, it's up to them where they sleep, I would say. And none of your MIL's business. Tell them to sleep where they like, offer them the spare room (if you have one) and lounge floor, and tell them that you can't actually lie to MIL, but if MIL asks say vaguely 'I gave them the sofa and spare bed' - just because you make them available doesn't mean they have to use them!

Littlefish · 11/09/2006 13:48

Put a camp bed in the same room as the double bed. That way, if MIL asks, you can say honestly - we made up separate beds for them.

(whether they have chosen to use them is entirely up to them!!)

MrsApronstrings · 11/09/2006 13:48

incidently my husband's parents wouldn't let us sleep together when his grandad was staying too, we used to creep in together in the night. We were engaged and living together at the time so it was all a bit of a farce

Littlefish · 11/09/2006 13:48

Snap Blu

badkarma · 11/09/2006 13:53

We used to share a bed at all my sisters houses when we stayed..and my brothers house. Also at IL's house They were very relaxed about sex before marriage, mine were not

laudaud · 11/09/2006 14:06

DH and I slept in different rooms at my parents house until we got married. Shared when we stayed at my sisters and brothers. No lies needed to be told as my mother never asked. I'm sure she knew we were sleeping together (got married aged 33)but once it wasn't happening under her roof it was okay!

lemonaid · 11/09/2006 14:36

Your house, your rules.

No need to mention it to your MIL, and I really can't see her asking you point blank.

[Still at the first time I met my now-MIL. DH had briefed her on the sleeping arrangements but she took me to one side when we got there and confidentially said "You don't have to sleep with him if you don't want to, you know". Cue lemonaid a bit stuck for a response "Well, actually I was quite keen on the idea..."? I think I settled on a weak smile and "No, no, that's fine...". DH was more offended at his mother's evident assumption that he'd corrupt Innocent Young Things by telling them there was no room for separate bedrooms.]

Flamesparrow · 11/09/2006 14:41

My mum always said that she couldn't be seen to condone it under her roof, but wasn't naive enough to think that it might not happen elsewhere

I would probably go with Cod's suggestion

UniSarah · 11/09/2006 17:24

in same situation we put pile of bedding in spare room which has a single and a futon double and said goodnight. don't know, don't care, both adults so not my business.

liquidclocks · 11/09/2006 17:35

If they're doing it anyway...

Agree you shouldn't lie to MIL though - not fair to ask you to.

AngelaChill · 11/09/2006 21:18

How would you react if it was your daughter ? i wouldn't allow it under my roof.

coderoo · 11/09/2006 21:19

snort
god oyu dunosaur

she is 18

AngelaChill · 11/09/2006 21:23

I know, I just couldn't bear it to be going on in our house, I know they'll be doing it in cars or when we're out and that suits me just fine.

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