I've spent the morning crying

[TuckingFablet]

had dd nearly 6 months ago and today I cracked. dp works 5 out of 7 days and I have no friends. difficult family situation so I have no one to help me. I need a break. dp is working 7 days this week because we are saving for a deposit on a house so need the money.

I just feel so alone. I'm exhausted all the freaking time. dp does help. he does one night feed and helps out when he is here. the problem is he isn't here very often. typical shift will be 8.30am -8pm.

I love my daughter endlessly but I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this.

I don't know what I want from this post, other than just getting my feelings out.

carry on with your day

It is so hard - the grind, the loneliness etc. I have had two children and I remember walking up and down the road, pushing the pram and crying with both. My advice is this - get out of the house every single day without fail, no matter how tired you are. Talk to everyone - some people are friendly and will chat back. Go to everything which is on in your area - even just go into town and have a coffee. A sling can also really help with them crying etc. It honestly does get better but there is a 4 yr gap between my kids for a good reason :) Hope you are feeling a bit more positive soon xx

That's okay STDG the fact you listened and even offered is more than enough

SDTG even

I'm too far away to help too but to give you an idea, I've made friends in the supermarket, outside the doctor's surgery, one woman I met when her then three year old tried to take me out with his scooter!

The tiredness is the real killer. I would totally advocate getting out every day though. Even if it's pouring it down. DD2 was born in September last year. As a result I learned very quickly of the efficiency of the raincover on the double buggy and DD1 feels positively nekkid if she doesn't have wellies and a waterproof suit on given the winter we've had!!

But how do you make friends? I can chat to people but it never goes further. perhaps I'm just not interesting enough to stay in touch with.

thankyou maryz
you lot are lovely. Why can't you come and live with me?

I agree - everyone is struggling. YOu say you go to a group on a thursday - is that the only one you do? I have to get out twice a day! its so so hard when you are trying to make friends, hard to stay positive and believe it will happen in the end - can you afford to do any courses rather than just drop in baby groups - I have found that I have met people more this way because the same people come each week and you are all doing something together

At 6 months you are the right age to start Sing and Sign, thats a group I really enjoyed - it's a franchise so Im sure there will be one near you - it was very friendly as well - libraries often have rhyme time etc - have you looked up NCT coffee mornings? they are generally aimed more at mums talking than at babies playing which at such a young age is really what you are looking for - personally I have never found Childrens Centres that good for meeting people as they are so hectic and focused on the kids...

the hard thing as 6 months is not just the sleep but the fact that they dont do much! Now I have a 2 year old we go to the playground and he makes friends for me - he just starts playing with other chldren and I get chatting to their parents etc....

but sleep oh sleep - I really agree with other posters, if its getting you down please make sure you get some full nights off.....

at 6 months I started using a very small amount of paid for childcare - also had no family nearby - I had two 3 hour sessions twice a week with a chlidminder, absolutely amazing saved my sanity - two mornings I could get up and know I would have space to myself and didnt have to plan a day .....

my son loved it - few tears at first but was leaping into the CM's arms within a couple of weeks, he loved the other chlidren, and I never had to leave him for a full day until much later when working again. I think if you can afford it its well worth it even if you arent working

dont think that childcare is wrong unless you are working - remember that traditionally mothers would have had huge community/ family networks - the modern mum doing it all alone is an aberration in human history....

It's so isolating having a baby. I had just finished my second year of uni when I found out I was pregnant. I've had to give that up and with it my friendship group because I didn't go to uni in Nottingham. I really struggle to make friends

I do try to go out every day but there are no parks near me and anyone I have seen with a baby has smiled but never had an actual conversation.

I also do something every day I'm not at work. Monday and there are baby groups at the children's centres, Wednesday rhyme time, Thursday bouncy castle playgroup, Friday rhyme time again. Afternoons are for park or library.

I found the children's centres invaluable. I don't find making friends easy but the staff became my friends and were happy to accept me and chat. Just admit to HV and children's centre you are struggling and they will let you know about local groups and support. I've not been to church groups but have heard they are great - older ladies there to cuddle your baby whilst you have a cuppa. I imagine more of a sense of community too.

I also think you need to initiate meets. If you say hi to someone a couple of weeks running maybe ask what other groups they do or something? Say you dot know many people and you want to try something new. Worth a try? X

the group I go to on a Thursday is a church run one and everyone is lovely. I can't go to any other groups because they are all a bus ride away and I cant afford to pay £3.40 every day to get to places. hopefully when we move I'll be closer to more groups.

Of course you're not crazy! You'll find many of us have been there, at the end of our tether with a baby and little support, exhausted and feeling like it is a thankless task. IT GETS SO MUCH EASIER! I'm not lying, I promise. I have 2 dc's, 5yo and 18mo, and dh works very long hours and often weekends. I actually felt much more lonely and struggled more with my first, as it was new to me and I didn't realise how easy it is to find yourself isolated if you don't actively seek out groups and places to meet other mums. With dd2 it was easier as I had the school run, school mums, and I knew I needed to consciously make the effort to get out to groups and see friends. It gets so much easier when they get a little older and start to sleep better, and become much more interactive and communicate with you more. It makes it more fun and rewarding when you are home, and easier to have play dates and a cuppa with others. I do remember how hard it is at the stage you're at though. Keep telling yourself it won't be too long before the sleep gets better, and your days will get easier and more pleasant. Keep trying to get out to groups, and don't pretend everything is fine when it isn't. Many of us are too afraid to say we aren't coping, but you'll find if you open up about it you'll likely receive a wave of sympathy and understanding from others who are finding it harder than they are letting on too. All the best, you're doing a great job, sending you a hug xx

thanks guys for all your kind words. I've found a rhyme time at a local library tomorrow that I never knew existed. it's a bit of a walk but we can do it

thanks guys for all your kind words. I've found a rhyme time at a local library tomorrow that I never knew existed. it's a bit of a walk but we can do it

Are any of these [http://www.nct.org.uk/branches/nottingham/bumps-and-babies-groups link] near enough that you could go without getting a bus? They'd be a great way to meet people.

Honestly, I just say something like 'it's so nice to get out of the house/ meeting someone in the same boat. Do you want to meet for a coffee or a walk/ picnic lunch next week? Let me give you my number. With Most of these people you'll have nothing more than babies in common but that will at least get you through the next few months.

It's also not that people don't care. It's time. There are loads of people I'd like to see more of, but it's finding the time :( especially now I've two.

Oops link fail.

here you are

OP sadly I am not in Nottingham

You sound like you're doing well. I did baby, tiny flat, giving up studies, no money still doing most of it and it's a grind, there's no two ways about it. I too think you've done the hardest part. babies get more interesting at 6 months. Soon she'll start doing things, I mean really making rapid progress. The weather is picking up, that will help.

I think meeting other parents is wonderful and it has saved my bacon several times. We're activity hounds, and I purposely picked where we live for the baby groups . But it won't substitute for good lifelong friends (though some of them may become them) and a life (including study and work, if you want it) of your own. It's early days in motherhood, but pay some attention to these things, don't let it slip away.

Hi
Have you tried Buzz for ideas-it's a Nottingham listings paper for under 12 stuff-I used it a lot when I had little ones in -I'm in Rushcliffe. I'm afraid I work full time now-I would have met up with you.
I went to things at a local leisure centre and Surestart centre too. The NCT wasn't a good fit for me, but I think it all depends on the individual group. Does your health visitor not know of anything near you-mine set up antenatal groups that I made a lot of friends at.
If you say your particular area I may be able to suggest something-I volunteered for Homestart in areas outside my own

tucking I'm just across the border in South Derbyshire. I have a one year old, and am back at work now 4 days a week. But I have one day spare when I'm free with my little DS. I tried baby groups but didn't have much success, and now I'm back at work I haven't got the energy to give it a go again just yet. I can feel quite isolated on that day off too. First time Mum, and a single Mum too (Husband fucked off just before I found out I was pregnant,...)

But if you fancy meeting up for a pushchair walk one day (the day I'm off obviously!) then please PM me. I too would appreciate the company.

Hi Tucking, just want to reiterate what everyone else is saying - we all feel the same when we have little ones.and especially if, like you, our husbands work long hours and we have no family to help out.

I was exactly like you. But do you know what? Those first three years absolutely fly by and before you know it she'll be off to nursery and then if you're anything like me you'll be wishing she was 6 months old again . Seriously though, the time does fly by when they're little and if I could do it all again I'd treasure that time more - although I appreciate that when you're in the middle of it it's a job to get dressed and out of the house never mind anything else!

Like others have said we used to try and get out and about every day. I used to walk 45 mins to ghe supermarket and treat myself to a cake, coffee and magazine just to kill time.

When your dd is a little older there'll be lots more you can do with her - parks, toddler groups, soft play, pet shops, arts and crafts in the house... Now is definitely the hardest age. It does get easier, I promise.

I'm very shy and found it hard to start up conversations let alone make friendships. I found the early years very isolating but when dd started school I made friends with some of the school mums - very easy to do as you're all standing together every day and you have the children and school in common so easy to think of lots to say. DD is now eleven and I'm still good friends with the mums I met at the nursery gate! I also met a lovely lady at my dds gymnastics class, we just got talking when waiting for the children. Friendships will come.

For now, try to stay sane till the easier and more rewarding stages start :)

I'm feeling a lot more positive this evening thanks to you guys. it's nice to hear everyone is the same or at least in the same boat.

I have very low self esteem so always think badly of myself. people not wanting to talk to me= I must be the problem. I just need to get into the mindset that everyone has their own problems and they're not doing stuff to deliberately hurt me or leave me out on purpose.

Motor that's a really lovely post and I found some of your advice very useful and relevant too. I'm back at work now and worry that I don't have any 'Mum friends' but do try to reassure myself they should hopefully happen naturally as my DS gets older,....

Sorry for the derail.

Well Tucking we all want to talk to you and we don't even know you! so you must be alright

Some people won't like you and that's ok! that's life. doesn't mean you're a bad person. Most will be delighted to make a new friend. Some of those friends will become very dear to you.... go forth and conquer