Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Boyfriend won't get up for night feeds!!

125 replies

me271234 · 26/04/2014 21:55

Any advice people, we have just had another baby a baby girl "well I say just she's just come out of hospital ftee being born @ 25 weeks prem" we are ao delighted to have her home, we do also have a toddler who is 18 months old so it is a very busy houses, anyway I will cut to the chase, me or my partner are not working at the moment, he does leave the house for 4 hours a day to visit his gran who needs to b cares for, so I am @ home with the two kids, I am so exhausted as our newborn is very noisy and doesn't sleep to good not to mention she feeds twice in the night, what I am trying to say is that my boyfriend refuses point blank to getting up to do even 1 feed, he literally tells me he finds it wierd as she is a girl " to me that's an excuse". It's getting to the point now that I am starting to resent him, he gets to lay in bed all night and every morning whilst I feed trough the night and also get up with the kids, I am @y wits end he doesn't work so why can't he help me, I am so frustrated with him and he knows that bit just doesn't seem to care. When we had our son "1st born" we took it in turns from day 1 gettin up with him but now he doesn't even want to compromise, I have talked an talked to him but he still refuses, I am stuck guys I don't know what more I can say or do, I feel like I am getting depressed. So need some advice please

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 16:57

Look, if this dick won't get up to the baby in the night purely because she is a girl do we really think it will stop there ?

Or do we think it far more likely there will be lots more examples of "she can't do that because she is a girl" and favourism shown towards the male sibling ?

Think ahead, people

Aberration, my arse

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 16:57

*favouritism

ExBrightonBell · 27/04/2014 17:19

I did say "outside chance"! I wouldn't put up with it at all, and if my DP ever said it I would assume he was joking. If he turned out to be serious I would be asking him to leave.

But lots of people put up with behaviour from their partners that I wouldn't dream of putting up with. If the OP feels like he could redeem himself then that's up to her to give him a chance. It's one more than he's get from me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Lettucesnow · 27/04/2014 19:28

Negotiate a rota of duties and stop making excuses for him. I believe you when you say you want it to work...so be HONEST.

Lettucesnow · 27/04/2014 19:29

Negotiate a rota of duties and stop making excuses for him. I believe you when you say you want it to work...so be HONEST.

Lettucesnow · 27/04/2014 19:29

Negotiate a rota of duties and stop making excuses for him. I believe you when you say you want it to work...so be HONEST.

starlight1234 · 27/04/2014 19:38

Does he change her nappies daytime ( obviously not night as he does nothing)

It reminds me of my Ex..we went to counselling...lots about what he wanted ..not a menton of wanting anything from me except to let him simply live life the way he wanted

pictish · 27/04/2014 19:50

No...you keep telling yourself he's a decent guy. He's actually a self serving shit.

DirtyDancing · 27/04/2014 20:39

Sorry I might be being thick here, but he won't feed his hungry daughter?! What type of Father does that make him. Re-read your posts OP. Your partner thinks it's acceptable to not be involved with feeding of his hungry child. He inately WANT to provide, protect, feed, clothe and love you & his children. What a lazy sod.

DirtyDancing · 27/04/2014 20:40

He inately should WANT to provide, protect, feed, clothe and love you & his children. What a lazy sod.

Original poster

me271234 · 27/04/2014 21:04

Gosh there's a lot of mixed emotions going on here, that's the thing I don't put up with his shit I have kicked him out the other day but he came back. He very rarely changes her nappynin the day he only does it if he has too. I'm just gonna have to pass her to him more regular and just leav him with her, if that don't solve it I don't know what will. I'm not trying to make excuses for him guys it just makes me feel better to know he can be decent. I have just left him with the baby and he had managed to feed her and wind her, but regardless it's the night times I want ell with, fair enough he told me to have a nap earlier but I don't want to nap in the day I would rather go out and spend time with the kids, if he helped me out in the night I would have to feel the need to nap in the day.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 21:30

You sound lovely, OP

This manchild is not good enough for you, nor is he good enougn for your son and daughter

You may not see it now, but it is the truth

Original poster

me271234 · 27/04/2014 22:16

Aww thank u, I'm sure I will work out if he's good enough sooner rather than later.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 22:18

I think you will x

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/04/2014 22:24

Me271, I think you're right to give it another chance.
He told you to go to bed today, and he looked after the children. You say he is decent. You say he shared equally the responsibility with his first born. He cares for his gran for four hours a day. This is not a hopeless case. There is hope, and you are right to have it. He has said some ridiculous things and the nighttims help refusal is very unfair. Talk, what you have said here, that you don't want to go to bed during the day, you want to spend it with your new family! It's worth a go.

Those who are so black and white, live far away, dipping in and oit of these threads. One minute they may be posting, for example, about the holidays they are going on, the next suggesting to the woman of a newborn and toddler that she should leave her husband. As though it's no biggie. It is. And don't let your belief he is decent and worth a shot be diluted just yet. This can't go on for long, but if you have to terminate the relationship, you'd have the strength of mind that comes from knowing that you have tried, really tried, but it has not worked

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 22:28

coffee it is possible to give your own take/advice on a situation without running down others

who cares if certain posters have been posting about their holidays on another thread ?

who made you the boss of who can post where ?

you are out of order

Op has already said she has been helped on her thread...just back the fuck off with the way you are slagging off other posters who have given their time to consider OP's situation

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 22:30

and yes, I am off to Ibiza in July, as I have posted elsewhere today

does that reduce my ability to be a useful support to OP ?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/04/2014 22:31

Because any, in this scenarios, there has been bo abuse, the oo has reiterated that she thinks her partner is decent and doesn't want to throw away her family.

And yet there continues the persistence she should leave.

I think it's wrong to be so flippant.

I think you know it, hence your quite incredibly ott reaction.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 22:34

I disagree

I would consider a refusal to take quite basic care of a girl child on the basis of her gender to be pretty abusive, tbh

in most circles, that would not be an OTT response

except in quite exceptional man pleasing circles of course....whether that is cultural, learned or sociological

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 22:38

which camp do you fall in coffee ?

in the interest of fairness, since you seem to think you know so much about me

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/04/2014 22:40

Oh he's been a twat. No doubt about that. Sounds to me like it's the only pathetic excuse he could come up with to get out of doing it. He needs to buck up, unquestionably.

But there does seem some pretty strong glimmers of decency too, and so I wouldn't be so quick to suggest to someone to leave their partner, when the poster herself sayes she knows he is decent, doesn't want to throw away her relationship and he himself can obviously care (looking after an elderly person for four hours, shared qmequally with his first born).

Sallyingforth · 27/04/2014 22:40

He should be doing 50% of the childcare at least until he gets a job. Then perhaps he can leave a bit more to you. Why isn't he working?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/04/2014 22:43

What response do you expect any? The truth? Very happily married, as I write this, dh ironing his shirt and laying out breakfast things for tomorrow. Our children are very young, but last night waking. If one does, as one randomly DoD last night, he was up before me as I'm hardnof hearing if I lie on one side. It's about 55/45 here, with me doing that extra ten percent, which you probably find unacceptable, but is really a case that I am more uptight about certain things that him.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/04/2014 22:44

Sorry, I meant PAST night waking

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 22:46

if you have a partner that does his fair share, coffee (what's 5-10% between friends as opposed to 0/100%) then why would you advocate that some one accept less than that ? [confused}

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread