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Parenting

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Original poster

I know babies shouldn't be left to cry but....

33 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 19/04/2014 14:31

It's 2.30pm, I haven't eaten or drank since 07.00am and I'm flagging

All I want to do is go and make myself a cup of tea and a sandwich but every time I try and put DS down (who is 4 weeks old) he is just screams and screams - I gave been trying for over an hour to get him to settle so I can dash to the kitchen.

I love in a 3 storey house and going to the kitchen would involve going to another floor in the house and the thought if leaving DS to just scream to himself is killing me.

In an ideal world I'd invest I a sling so I could take DS with me but for health reasons I can't use one so it isn't an option.

I feel like I'm about to faint but I can't just leave him alone to cry...can I?

OP posts:

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BertieBotts · 19/04/2014 14:33

Yes you can.

If they are safe, fed, clean, not in pain and you just need a break, of course you can. Don't leave him for long, obviously, but you need to look after you as well - go to the downstairs toilet so you can wee in peace, make a sandwich and a cup of tea, you'll be gone less than 10 minutes.

TheScience · 19/04/2014 14:34

Why can't you take him to the kitchen? I would put a baby down for a few minutes to make lunch but wouldn't leave a newborn crying several floors away.

Pinkje · 19/04/2014 14:34

Have you a pram or Moses basket you can put in the kitchen. Somewhere that's safe-ish to put him down. I take it there's no one else who can hold him for a brief 5 minutes.

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Ehhn · 19/04/2014 14:35

If he is warm, dry, fed, changed, he will be fine! There is no way you will visit trauma upon him for the 15 minutes you will take to go down and make a sandwich. If you pass out, though, you could seriously, seriously endanger him as there'd by no responsible adult conscious and in charge.

stolemyusername · 19/04/2014 14:36

Can you pop him in his car seat/bouncy chair and take him with you, he'll still be screaming (possibly) but you won't be stressing that he's screaming away on his own.

You do need to look after yourself so you're able to look after him.

TheScience · 19/04/2014 14:37

Pop him in a bouncer, pop a dummy in (if you have one) and talk/sing to him while you get yourself sorted.

Flexiblefriend · 19/04/2014 14:37

If you have one that cries a lot you have no choice but to leave him to cry sometimes. He will be fine. He will be less fine if his Mum ends up passing out through lack of food!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 19/04/2014 16:45

Thanks everyone for your advice. I ended up feeding him and waiting for him to fall asleep that way - it usually does the trick. It eventually worked and I was able to have a mad hours dash of eating and housework. I have just settled down now with my 2nd cup of tea and I can't believe I'm having such a luxury - I'm just hoping he stays asleep long enough to enable me to enjoy it

OP posts:

3DcAndMe · 19/04/2014 16:48

Can you store snacks upstairs with you incase this happens again op?

MaxsMummy2012 · 19/04/2014 17:03

One thing I found helpful in the early days was to make a packed lunch (while hubby was at home) and store it in the fridge so I could literally grab it and munch away while holding bubs and no worries about having to make anything.

blondebaby111 · 19/04/2014 17:37

Have u tried a dummy? I was dead against them but it became my saviour in the early days and it still is now, my little one can scream the house down but the minute input a dummy in her mouth she calms now and very casually nods off, I'd never go anywhere without one xx

PrincessBabyCat · 19/04/2014 17:41

I put mine down on the floor for a few minutes while I fix her bottle and fix myself a snack while her bottle is heating up. She's not going to stop crying until her bottle is warmed up anyway. I don't feel guilty about it, because I'm working on fixing what's making her cry, I'm just multitasking and grabbing a bite for myself too.

BrianButterfield · 19/04/2014 17:46

That's not leaving your baby to cry, it's putting your oxygen mask on first. You must eat, drink, wash and go to the loo. Those are the basics and my opinion is, if baby has to cry while those things happen (I'm talking for five minutes) then so be it. It's less than ideal but you are no use to a baby if you haven't eaten or drunk. Baby won't be harmed and you feel ten times better.

What do you think happens when people have two children? Funnily enough, everyone I know with two says the second settles better and is easier going because they've had to wait sometimes.

GingerDoodle · 20/04/2014 13:12

I agree with what everyone else has said. My DD (aged almost 19 months) is occasionally (usually once a day) put on the floor to scream whilst I do things that are impossible to do whilst carrying her.
She can walk perfectly well she just wants to be carried / my undivided attention. I was actually easier when she wasn't able to throw herself on the floor mega strop style!

Trooperslane · 20/04/2014 16:51

Brianbutterfield that was our mantra at the beginning as well

Cereal bars were my saviour op and I had them planked around the house - also nuts etc.

Also at one point when I never got a break DH used to make me breakfast eg poached egg on toast/porridge before he left for work which meant I could do without lunch til reasonably late if I had to.

evertonmint · 20/04/2014 17:05

You need to eat to be any use to your baby. I have a safe place to plonk them in the kitchen and bathroom (a changing mat I can whip out as needed) so I can do the basics.

Also snack bars/fruit/glass of water on each floor and suggest your DH makes you sandwiches each night/morning and leaves them out for you so lunch is there to grab. Make sure there's salad, tomatoes, carrot sticks in the fridge too for quick grabbing so you can get a healthy fix without putting the baby down if the crying is really bad!

mrsbug · 20/04/2014 17:11

At that age white noise used to send dd off to sleep so i would bring her into the kitchen in her baby bouncer and turn on the extractor fan which always sent her off to sleep

ZenGardener · 20/04/2014 17:15

You don't leave them to cry for hours. Leaving them for 10 minutes is fine. Sometimes psychologically you just need to leave the room, have a cup of tea and a biscuit then go back to them.

slugseatlettuce · 20/04/2014 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chutneypig · 20/04/2014 17:28

Completely agree with BrianButterfield. Its crucial for you to eat. I got used pretty quickly to short crying jags as I've got twins, so one often got left to grizzle while I was changing the other one etc. I probably would never have found out DS tended to grizzle himself to sleep if he'd been my only one. A couple of minutes than bam, out like a light.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 20/04/2014 20:19

Thanks everyone for all your really good advice, reassurance and tips.

It's a great idea to have food on each level of the house so it's quick to hand. The concept of having a packed lunch every day is a really good one!

slugs - I have epilepsy so can't have the baby strapped to me in case I have a seizure. I'm also not supposed to carry him around the house in case I have a seizure whilst carrying him down the stairs etc - all worst case scenario I know but not something I want to risk.

Someone else suggested I use White House to encourage sleep, they said they used the hair dryer so I might give that a go

OP posts:

BrianButterfield · 20/04/2014 21:57

If you need to leave him on another floor, get a video monitor. They're very reassuring and you can talk to baby through them (not that it makes a blind bit of difference, but it helps you feel like you're doing something).

capercaillie · 20/04/2014 22:03

Look after yourself too! You do need even a few minutes break. You need to eat etc.

My DS was a baby who cried - and found it really difficult to settle to sleep. I never realised there was any different until his sister turned up.

Hope things improve!

Jaffakake · 20/04/2014 22:19

I had ds by emcs. In the early days we just used to live on the ground floor, so I didn't have to go upstairs. We had a changing mat & a Moses basket there & I just needed to go upstairs to pee. He was always safe somewhere when I did. Maybe rearrange things a little so that when you need to look after yourself lo is safe, but not far away.

It gets easier x x x

ArtFine · 20/04/2014 22:49

Honestly give him a dummy! If you've got a crier you will probably regret it later that you didn't give a dummy when he could take it and take comfort from it.

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