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Parenting

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Original poster

Wanting another - Tell me it's a phase because I'm reading parenting books for research.

54 replies

threebob · 18/08/2006 03:03

I have maintained on mumsnet (and other locations) for some time that ds will be an only child.

I now have to review advice given in parenting books about sibling rivalry for a section in my research project.

I now find myself thinking it would be a good idea to have another when ds starts school.

Have I been invaded by aliens? Thank goodness I have a coil fitted or I could do something rash.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

twinsetandpearls · 18/08/2006 12:02

Yes I did think of it for about twenty five seconds, i then remembered what a PITA babies are and knocked it out fo my head. THis is thre first time since having dd five yaers ago the thought of as baby has ever been in any way tempting - I think my womb is safe!

twinsetandpearls · 18/08/2006 12:04

Bibliophile I just don't think babies are lovely, i just don't get them. I like older children and would wuite happily fill my house with children aged 10 and up.

Ulysees · 18/08/2006 12:06

Ever thought of fostering twinset? Not just rewarding but if you go through an agency there's a lot of money in it apparently? I know that's not the reason most people do it as kids are bl...y hard but it's a thought? I'd do it if there was less stress in my life. Lots of upheavel though at the moment.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

twinsetandpearls · 18/08/2006 12:09

I had thought of fostering but decided aginast it as the children here who need fostering do come with a lot of problems and I am not sure it would be fare on dd. WE also do not really have the room as fostered children need their own bedrooms. Maybe when I am older. My love of older chidren is why I teach though.

Gingeme · 18/08/2006 12:14

Go for it threebob. Im preg with my 4th ds and if were financialy possible would have loads more. Take after my aunt who had 9! Never have understood people who only have one baby but thats just me. Depends on their circumstances I guess. Go on dare ya

Ulysees · 18/08/2006 12:14

Yes it's good to put it on the backburner for when your dd is older.

I wish I had a career now, must be so rewarding for you. I was a hairdresser for years and may have to go back to that but will have to update my skills. Glad you have such a rewarding career

jayjay11 · 18/08/2006 12:35

all kids are wonderfull my ds is one and my partner and i are already planning for another nothing to do with babies is horrible

motherinferior · 18/08/2006 12:39

It's a phase.

Two kids make your life much, much, much tougher. You're much, much more part of that awful cumbersome family unit which has to negotiate absolutely every bloody chance to get out of the house. And it's more expensive. And you'd have to split your attention between a small child and a baby, which is difficult not just in terms of concentration but also in terms of the level you have to operate at, IYSWIM. And they fight each other.

That do it?

(I actually do love both of mine, a lot, but can see the fabulousness of sticking with one as well.)

twinsetandpearls · 18/08/2006 12:54

a voice of resason at last

MarsLady · 18/08/2006 12:55

Don't ask me honey. I've got 5 and love love love large families. Hey........... why not go for QUADS?

Okay, I'll stop now. lol

motherinferior · 18/08/2006 12:57

Also, if you feel the urge for another, just try staying awake all night and then doing a day's work and childcare afterwards. Then do it again, the next night. That's what it'll be like, you know. For ages.

Ulysees · 18/08/2006 13:01

There are downsides to having just one though. Maybe you could start a thread asking only children if they wish they'd had siblings. My neice is an only child and is glad she has two of her own as it was lonely for her.

PinkTulips · 18/08/2006 13:02

well i've just had my 2nd and am right in the midst of the worst bit, he bit with the most work and pain for the least reward and i haven't regretted it for a second, especially when i see how much dd loves her new little brother and bombards him with kisses and cuddles.

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

Ulysees · 18/08/2006 13:06

I found 2 easy to be honest though people with 3 tell me it's hard. I think when you have them and your attitude has a lot to do with it. If you're tidy person who likes order then I would imagine the more kids you have the harder life could be.

I'm a laid back slattern so don't notice

Ulysees · 18/08/2006 13:06

obviously I gave birth to the grammar part of my brain though

mellowma · 18/08/2006 13:32

Message withdrawn

twinsetandpearls · 18/08/2006 17:34

I love the idea of loving a large family, but just don't think I am a good enough mother quite frankly to imflict myself on more than one child. I am doing a good job on the on one I have but I don't want to push it.

foxinsocks · 18/08/2006 17:41

I don't think it's a phase - I'm done with having children and I can honestly say that there's not been a day when I have felt broody. Not even when cuddling teeny, tiny newborns - in fact, I feel total relief when handing them back so I would say if you feel this way, it aint disappearing till you've done the deed!

Original poster

threebob · 18/08/2006 19:01

Ulysees - no way am am asking only children how they think - having a baby out of obligation? Can't do it.

The sleep thing is the main reason that I would wait until ds was at school. Then I could have some during the day. The other is the comment "it could be twins".

Career wise, I would lose probably all of my pupils, but I've seen how quickly you can get them, so I'm not bothered by that.

I don't feel "broody" so much - I work with lots of small children. It's more a sort of "that would be a good time to put that into action" feeling.

OP posts:

Tortington · 18/08/2006 20:19

its yourbody - believe me when he is at school full time and you realise you can actually have a life without kids that come with pram, nappy bag, tantrums, spare set of clothes absolutley no access to public transport - never go in a library or any other quiet places neer get to go out for a drink or theatre.

and darling 2 is a whole other universe. If rhubarb were online she would give you some excellent advice. She has ( in her own words) a lovely contented happy pleasent little girl then gave birth to a kid that neer sleeps and is the evil ( her words!!!!!)

its one of those things hat if you do want one no one will disuade you from.

there is somehow this complete misnoma that it gets easier when they go to school.

well it doesn't

you will probably get a job after your studies.

you try juggling a job and a kid, parents evenings evening my fecking arse
you will use all your babysitting favours in trying to cover your arse a work an never get to pub.

and what you are going to do my dear is delay that process by 4 years - then DO IT WITH TWO!!! you absolute nutter
dont do it
i swear you are missing out on nothing. but could be gaining a god damn nightmare existance.

and just when you thought you could cope - you could have twins

Original poster

threebob · 18/08/2006 20:55

Already go to library, museum, art gallery with ds and have done since he was tiny. Everyone drives cars in NZ, so no transport problems. I don't do prams or nappy bags - I have a sling and tuck spare nappy in it. Practical stuff is not an issue.

My study is for the job that I already do - so that I can make more money in less time by being a qualified specialist (one of a handful in NZ). Career is not an issue. I can be very part time or not bother altogether.

There is actually no practical reason not to have another - I just didn't want to - until now.

OP posts:

kjaysmum · 18/08/2006 21:05

It such a personal choice, noone can really advise you on this one except your DH perhaps. Saying that I have found myself in a simular position as my DS is 2.3 now and the old body clock is ticking away...my mum advised. Write all the pros and cons down and if you find yourself searching for an extra pro then that is how you really feel or vise versa IYSWSheMs. Incidently my list ended up with me trying to find pros dispite a huge list of cons, so not sure how helpful this asvise actually is [confused face]. We have decided to enjoy some rumpy and get the snip!!!!!!!

kjaysmum · 18/08/2006 21:09

forgot you were here in NZ threebob, I have noticed that the norm here is more than one and I am trying not to let this influence my decision, very hard at playgroups when people are always asking if I'm having another!! I was in Holland before I came here and lots of folk start their families later over there (after their careers) so it is so much more accepted to have only one child. I think this external influence affects us and can get the old hormones going.

essbee · 18/08/2006 21:12

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 18/08/2006 21:29

int hat case three bob its a piece of piss go for it

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