nearly 3 and not potty trained- HELP!

[oliviasmummy]

My bright 2 and a half year old is not potty trained. Im feeling really upset by this as I feel its my fault due to introducing the issue too early. she has been very early at other milestones, eg walking , talking, numbers, colours etc, but still pees and poos in her pull-ups. I can tell when she is starting to have a poo, and I say, "shall we go to the toilet" but she just changes the subject, then says "mummy, Ive done a poo" and lays on the floor to have her nappy changed. I use pull ups but not sure if this is the problem, and I try talking to her about it but she gets very agitated and changes the subject. im very worried about this and feel whatever I do is making the situation worse, Ive never felt as useless. other than this she is a very happy, funny and loving little girl, but it worries me that she doesnt want to use the potty/toilet at all, has anyone any thoughts. Thanks, this is my first post.

First thing is don't worry, she's still very young. Every child is different. Take my ds's for instance. Ds1 was 3 and ds2 was 2 and four months. Does she try and sit on the potty? If so how about letting her run around naked for a while and sit her every so often on the potty. Accidents will happen. If she's not even interested. Don't stress leave it a while and try again.

I agree with Alibaldi ... leave it. She isn't ready.
There is a big difference between 2 and a half and 3 ....
My DD is 2 and a half and tells me she is doing a wee or a poo but has no interest in going to the toilet or on the potty.
I tried DS at 2 and a half and gave up - tried again 5 months later and he was dry in 24 hours. With regard to poos, my stress caused him a problem that has lasted 4 years - he has a sluggish bowel and it is still a problem. I regret 'making' him use the potty when he didn't want to and really wish I had let him do the poos in his own time (like I did the wees).
Give yourself a break and let it go.
Oh, and welcome to Mumsnet

Welcome to mumsnet oliviasmummy

Your DD sounds soooo bright, don't worry about progress with potty training. I didn't train my son until he was 3.5 due to lanuguage difficulties (he's on the autistic spectrum) and he couldn't communicate to me if he wanted to go or not, and he couldn't tell me after he'd done the deed either.

She doesn't sound ready. It's nothing you've done, but just give her a break from it for a while. I've no experience of training a non-autistc child but for what it's worth I found pull ups just confused the issue. From the way you describe how advanced her develpment has been so far, it sounds as if she'll let you know when she wants to be independant with regards to weeing/poohing.

Give her a break from it for a bit and start again in a few months. She's still just a baby really

Welcome oliviasmummy!
I think we are at the same stage! My DD (2.7) is just now starting to show the odd sign of interest but I am gonna leave it a few more weeks after an awful attempt at Easter where I too tried to train too early. We do have quite a lot of success on the toilet/potty but she just didn't know when she needed to go until it was too late. She has just started to ask (occassionally) so here's hoping we're getting there.

I felt like this too - felt I had let dd down. However, we did her a couple of months ago (age 2.10), and happily she was dry within a couple of hours (no really - she did one wee on the grass, then the rest were unprompted in the potty!), because, I guess she was really ready. She has only just got the ideas of poos though (she's just 3), and is now pretty reliable about them. Waiting till they're ready really is the answer!

Hi new to mumsnet so apologises if this reads badly.
My 2.8 month old son Reub is still not interested.I keep trying but positivity is running out! No ammount of stars, choc buttons, claps, yipees are working. When pants are wet he just wants clean dry ones on! We have been trying off and on for 3months. I know consistancy is the key, but consistant wet pants is all we get. Just oppositional and not keen at all. I am frustrated about keep talking about potty and keeping pants dry. Think I need to relax and focus on other aspects of his development that are lovely, ie bright and articulate language and conversation. Fed up with disaproval of in- laws but can live with that. Don't want to keep pressuring self of Reub to do something he is so resistive to. Is it time to take anothert training break or do I keep on going. Any ideas or similar stories welcome.

Hi oliviasmummy & habbymum, welcome to mumsnet!
For both of you, from what you've said I would wait a while. Even if it's just a month or two, a lot can change in that time and it's not worth stressing over. Take it from me!! I bowed to pressure from dh and in-laws and started training dd before I thought she was ready. 4 months later and she's still not great - still at least 1 change of pants a day! Your kids sound great, they will get there.

Ds is 2.10 and still nowhere near ready, even though practically all his peers are in pants and have been for a while.
I talk to him about going to the toilet "because that's what grown ups and big kids do", and flushing the toilet and washing your hands etc., but he has no interest in doing any of it himself at all. When I've tried him in pants he's always ended up wetting himself despite me sitting him on a potty regularly and really couldn't care less about it either.
He'll get there in the end, but if he ends up going to nursery school in nappies then so be it.

I have now been potty training Reub's bears and he really joined in. They now have a line on his star chart. Some improvement in him trying the potty.

Hello, my DD is 2 and a half years and I decided to wait for a while. DD goes to nursey and a lot of her peers in her class are either potty trained or on their way, that makes it hard but I just try not to stress about it (not always easy).

DD wants to wear pants so I put them over her pull up nappies. She also sits on the potty and pretends to do a wee or poo and wipe her self with tissue, but she is still no where near ready.

If I am honest I am not ready either!!

just a note to encourage those of you worrying about when to potty train - one of my friends had her first dd in pants before she was 2. her second dd refused to even think about giving up a nappy until she was 3.4. neither child is noticeably affected by their early/late training.

i tried with my dd when she was 2.6, but it all ended in tears. suddenly, at 2.8, it just happened. leave them to it, they'll sort it out, with a little encouragement.

Ideas please. Do I abandon the pants and trousers as keeping pants dry is not an incentive. Reub just wants dry pants on as soon as he is wet. He gets very insistant about keeping pants on and wanting these to be dry. There are some minor tantrums if I do not put pants on but I do feel pants totally off may be easier.I do think it maybe good to start the day with pants on but once wet not replace. Thoughts and experiences please.

My first ds didn't get potty trained until a couple of months after 3, then he did it all by himself in a week, and was dry a month after that. Currently got a trainee in progress who is 2 years 9 months, and not all that interested in training yet! Kids take their time, they learn what they want, as and when they are ready. I did resort to putting my kids in terry towels though, because that way they got wet (instead of sitting in a dry nappy) and eventually got the message that potties were better than wet bums (and didn't flood all over the floor in the process!) I do know that the more you stress, the more likely your trainee will refuse (my eldest ds refused to sit on a potty for SIX months after hubby bellowed at him for missing it and making a puddle!) Let her choose her own time to train, all kids will have managed it before they go to school!

Hi Habbymum,
welcome to MN! I,ve potty trained a few little ones as a childminder, and really like all the mums here if you get stressed they will, and its best to leave it till their ready. But saying that I have found leaving nappies, pants or pull ups on in the early stages gives them a false sence of sercurity, best to go naked waist down (thats why summers best if poss)for the first days and every half hour I prompt with 'do you want a wee wee' I sit in front of the toilet and distract with sing songs which keeps them on there longer. If we are lucky then there is major ott celebrations which prompt them wanting to sit on it. Always make a habit of toilet before dinner, before sleep/nap and on waking up too helps with routines. pants can go on after a wee, but early stages again don't leave too long they forget very easily.If hes getting really upset leave it a month or so, it doesn't matter what other people think they all get there at different times when they are ready. Good Luck!!

my youngest son was 3 1/2 when i toilet trained him as he wasnt interested before that.he'd wee everywhere and get upset.i waited until he was ready and told me one day he wanted to wear pants.i took him out and he chose his pants and we had a sticker chart with power rangers stickers and i put one on his t shirt and one on the chart everytime he succeeded.he soon learned that to keep his dry pants on he had to wee on the toilet/potty.only took him a week to be toilet rained day and night.i wouldnt worry in the slightest.as long as children are toilet trained dring the day before they start school i dont think it matters when they do it.too early training leads to more accidents later on according to my hv.she said let them do it at their own pace and it tends to work better in the long run.i found a nursery tht would take my child in nappies and then he saw the other children there going to the toilet etc and wanted to join in.i think that helped him alot.good luck.

i tried with my first child at that age and he wouldnt do it hed poo next to it!i left it a few more months and then he did it on the potty or toilet every time.now my 2 yr old is the same sometimes asking for the potty other times using the nappy.wait till your child is ready if you force the issue itl get worse.at some point itl just click.there is too much pressure for parents to have your child doin things at a certain age they do things in their own time not by the book.dont fret!

Oh how I hate potty training! My dd1 was about 3.6 when we finally cracked it after a month or two of up to 3 changes of clothes a day. She walked at 9 months, was talking well at 2 years etc but it seems you cannot apply this readiness accross the board! (she was also, much to my naive suprise, a late reader and had a few problems in that area too). dd2 was similar with potty training, pushing 3.6, but dd3 is done and dusted at 2.9, and of the three, she is the tallest (at comparative age etc) and 'chunkiest' - whether this suggests that physically she is more mature at an earlier age I don't know. Never ceases to amaze me how peas from the same pod can be such very different individuals

BTW, i bribed dd3 just to sit on various toilets when out and about - with pull up on and seat down at first, just to nip in the bud the anxiety about toilets that was beginning to creep in. I followed Cod's tip and had maltesers at the ready.

Habbymum (hello and welcome!)

I would always change the pants as stale urine could make him sore and smell - as well as leaving a damp patch on you if he climbs up for a cuddle! Maybe draw attention to the fact that he is wet and wait for it to register in his mind. Many children wet themselves as they are absorbed in play and don't notice or don't want to stop what they are doing but if he has to be interupted anyway by you changing his pants then it might make him think (eventually...?) that in the end its better to sit on the potty than have you whisk him away for a clothes change. Good luck, anyway!

Hello Oliviasmummy. Please don't worry -- as one of my friends said to me recently re my 3 yr old son's refusal to use the potty: "have you ever seen a teenager in nappies?" I understand your concern, though. Sometimes I feel quite worried myself, especially as ds is starting nursery school in a week & he will be the only one still in nappies. I think it's a power/attention thing & once ds experiences peer pressure, he'll soon conform to the "norm". One thing I learned with dd (now 6 & also was a late potty starter), the more you push them, the less they'll cooperate. When they're ready, they'll do it, but not because someone tells them to. Definitely not!

Dear all thank you for all your helpful comments.
My plan is to relax as much as I can see how one more week goes that'll be a good fortnight of trying. If no success then put it off for some more months. Dreading those in-laws frowns. Anyone else feel pressured from the outside?

I agree that a month or two can make a big difference. I tried ds at 2.6 and failed, but he's now 2.8 and he's down to 1 or no accidents a day after 10 days. the difference in his approach is amazing, it's quite clear now he just wasn't ready before. I also like Christopher Green's quote that potty training has nothing to do with intelligence, if it was the brain would be situated somewhere else!