Working class parents don't know how to raise children!

[speedymama]

A long time friend of mine is married to an Australian. They are visiting friends and family in the UK with their 2 children. I have met the wife before when we visited Sydney so I'm accustomed to her blunt declarations but this time I really had to control myself.

They were staying overnight at our house and she said that she loved watching Supernanny. She then said that working class people have no idea about raising children and they were the reason why society was breaking down. I was completely poleaxed by that comment and did not respond. DH and I are both from poor working class backgrounds but her father is a millionaire and her DH, who I met at university, is very middle class. She then repeated the comment again later on and DH & I held our tongues for the sake of harmony. I wanted to point out that parenting is not a class issue etc but I know that this would have led to a heated argument (she is very strident when it comes to arguing her point) and I did not want to create an atmosphere, especially as there were 4 children under the age of 3 in my house. I was so relieved when they left the following morning.

What would you have done?

Wouldn't have held my tongue...only have SO much self-restraint...what a dozy mare!!! Surely everyone knows "the reason why society is breaking down" is 'single mothers'(and no, I don't mean lone parents!)'immigrants' 'homosexuals' and 'kids wearing hooded tops' !!!!!! Bah!

Well, we live in a working class neighbourhood. Round here, a small number of kids cause trouble, underage drinking, joyriding, arson, graffiti etc etc. The usual.

We want to move to a nice, middle class neighbourhood. Round there, the kids seem much better behaved.

I tend to blame the parents. They allow their 6 year olds to play out till ten o'clock at night. They allow their 14 year olds to drink. They tell their five year olds to "shut the f**k up or I'll belt ya". Its a minority, but a sizeable minority all the same.

So should I conclude that your friend may have a point?

I would definitely have had to say something.

A few years ago I would have stayed quiet but recently I've become more confident in this type of situation. I think I might have tried to express how strongly i disagreed with her and how personally offended I felt but in a very calm manner. If she had then tried to argue further I would have tried to say something like "I think that we will have to agree to disagree about this in order to remain friends."

I can see that it's pretty tricky for you, especially if you don't get to see your friend very often, but that sort of comment is outrageous and really crass and thoughtless . Did your friend not say something? or even look embarassed?

Think you'll find it is what is known as a "sweeping generalisation" and they are never a good idea!

Just shows doesnt it no matter how much money you have you cannot buy good manners!

My parents workin class, DP family workin class we are border line though does it really matter it's the values you instil into your children, time effort, a walk in the park costs nothin but brings a bond to your family unit, invest in your chidren I agree with bad parents and there are a few stories i could share which some of you will find disgustin behaviour, though it is not onesided as i also have knowledge of a family very well off that had a delinquint daughter. And if she can make her assumption from a tv program designed to show the worse for rating figs. then it wouldnt be a inteligent arguement on her part. bite your tongue drink the wine

as the child of a millionaire, she has been raised to be very ignorant and rude!

If working class people are so poor at bringing up children how come so many middle class parents employ them to care for their children?

Pablo, I actually live in a nice midddle class area and there have been so many complaints about the behaviour of teenagers. The locals were blaming the trouble on the kids coming in from the more deprived areas but when the police caught some of the trouble makers, they found that most of the kids lived on an exclusive private estate! All communities have problems and for this woman to blame the working class for society's problem is just inflammatory.

I normally give people a piece of my mind because I am forthright but I feel I let myself down because I felt it was more important to preserve harmony.

Would definitely NOT have stayed quiet, would probably have become an argument, would definitely have been severly berated by DH once they'd gone for causing such a row!

DH is definitely the peacekeeper in our house - every time his dad comes he says something like 'NHS workers don't deserve their cushy pensions'(we both work for NHS!)or 'the biggest problem in this country is all the immigrants nicking our jobs' etc etc... I'm learning (slowly) to be more of a duck but sometimes I just can't let it pass - this would have been one of those occasions!

I wouldn't have been able to be harmonious in that situation. I think I would have ventured a little foray such as: "and what would your definition of working class be?"

And then take it from there!

it isn't down to 'working class parents', tis down to bad parenting and that is found anywhere.

only thing is, the 'better classes' can hide in more as their kiddies either go play in the 'rougher' areas, or they just take drugs behind closed doors in the mansions.!!!

ok....so maybe language is rougher is the 'working class' areas, but then the better kiddies still swear, just with the T's and H's still left in.

and for what it is worth......I live in a private house but on a council estate. there are about 200 families living here, some with many kiddies (myself included). 190 families take pride in their kiddies and themselves, but they are ignored. tis the 10 families who allow there kiddies to roam and swear and drink and do anything the hell they please that bring our estate down.

I am guessing really that no-one should generalise unless they have lived it....and certianly not by what they see in a televised programme whose only aim is to dramatise things for effect!

reminds me of a friend of ours who is really nice guy, but may have listened to his prat of a father rather too much as a child! While stuck in a traffic jam on a motorway somewhere with Dh he commented something along the lines of "Tsk, bloody traffic jams, too many people in this country now, I blame teenage mothers and illegal immigrants"

To which all in the car reacted by pointing out, loudly, that, for a start, they were surrounded by 4x4s and BMWs etc etc and it was unlikely that they all contained teenage mums and illegal immigrants!!!!! He retracted the comment!!

After they left, DH and I discussed this at length because we were both appalled and insulted. He said that we may have come from poor stock but at least we have manners and a social conscious which we are instilling in our sons.

My friend actually agreed with her. He, unfortunately, is easily manipulated and it is clear that her values are usurping her own. DH said that he finds my friend really irritating now and I must admit, so did I. It is amazing how people can lose themselves in someone else, very sad indeed.

I had the last laugh though. For all her ponciness, she could not believe that I cooked for my 2yo twins and she let slip that my friend would not eat what she cooks, especially as he was tucking into the lasagne and lemon tart that I had made from scratch. He even went back for seconds so I had to provide her with recipes.

Like notagranny's comment.

What a very rude woman. And WTF does she know about people in this country anyway?

I may be talking cliches but I believe that the working classes used to live in fairly tight communities where people used to look out for each other, and be close to each other. That sense of community seems to have broken down and families nowadays seem far more isolated. This seems to result in greater social problems. This has never been an issue for the middle classes as they've never relied on a community (money helps here). This is a working class issue. People tend to blame Tony Blair, or the NHS, or the teachers, or the police, or the council, or liberals, or immigrants. But I think its largely a working class problem that the working class need to solve. So yeah, I guess I blame a minority of working class parents for society's problems!

I can't really explain myself without sounding like a complete arse unfortunately.

Also need to point out that the reason she cannot cook is because she is busy hot housing her children. The 2yo has a reading age of 5 and the 3yo a reading age of 7yo. She has been subjecting them to a programme called Brainy Baby and you start it when they are 3 month old. She was also surprised when the 3yo said that she really liked being at our house because there were so many toys to play with. She (the wife) said that they did not have that many toys at home so may have to provide some more. Eh? My boys do not have many toys so they must have only one or two. She is really peculiar!

She sounds barking. Silly woman.

Pablo, the problem I have with your argument is that you appear to exclude middle classes from society's ills and that is plain wrong. The prisons in this country are full of people from all walks of life, not just the working class.

"Well, we live in a working class neighbourhood. Round here, a small number of kids cause trouble, underage drinking, joyriding, arson, graffiti etc etc. The usual."

Hmm - of course there's no underage drinking amongst the middle and upper classes is there...........Prince Harry...........

Joyriding - didn't think Felsted, Essex was particularly working class . And lets not forget this incident!

Graffiti - just because you don't see it in the 'middle class' areas doesn't mean the middle classe yobs don't do it

Arsonists - again don't know the figures - but I doubt very much it's just down to the working class.

"We want to move to a nice, middle class neighbourhood. Round there, the kids seem much better behaved."

Didn't you know that there are just as many, if not more, problems with children taking drugs at private schools than there are at state schools?

My ex had a horribly abusive family life and very posh parents.

perhaps some of the richer business owning middle/upper classes could pay the workers more money too, there is too much of a divide.

And there's loads of excellent parents around the world living in abject poverty